Boyfriends Make You Fat

About a year ago while I was driving to work in the morning, listening to my morning radio shows, I heard a segment about dating and how people gain weight while in a relationship and lose weight while single. And let me tell you – no truer words were ever spoken. Below is a picture of Kamel and I at the fair.


We ate scones, corn dogs, fries, and chocolate chip cookies. That was just during the 5 hours we were there. We did do a lot of walking at the fair itself, but generally we just sort of hung out, watched movies, ate food, etc. Then Kamel went back to San Francisco for a few days and I went back to running and eating right, fighting the urge to eat everything in the display case at work. But then three days later he came back and we were back to eating out for every meal, telling eachother it was ok because “hey! this is vacation!!” but when does the vacation end? We had planned two fairly intense walks, but those never happened – instead we had dessert at almost every meal and made muffins, then ate too many and collapsed in bed propped up on pillows because the weight of lemon poppyseed cake was sitting in our throats – no room left in the tummy.

Having a boyfriend makes you fat. You eat out more, you go to movies, buy candy, go out to dinner, split the sundae. You have a buddy to get drinks with, to share the bottle of champagne with, and someone to enable your bad behavior and to tell you “you’re beautiful just the way you are” so what’s one more cookie/piece of cake/basket of fries? Until a month goes by and you can’t fit into your pants anymore. The muffin top isn’t that attractive when it’s pouring out of your jeans and not spilling deliciously out of the muffin tin, all warm and tempting.

So now instead of encouraging each other to have another slice, we’re waking up early to workout before starting our days, abolishing all desserts, and eating smaller portions. It’s not as indulgent but it’s turning out to be just as fun. When he tells me he’s done 30 pushups it makes me want to do 10 more. When he wakes up early to go for an hour walk, it propels me out of bed to go running. Part of it’s my competitive nature. I generally want to win at everything. But it’s also having a buddy to do things with, regardless of the activity. Besides, being the hot couple is so much more fun than being the cinnamon roll couple with frosting on our faces.

Well actually that does sound kind of delicious….

Fashion: Rain Boots

In a way I have always envied/scoffed at the rain boot. Sometimes they look stupid but then other times they look really cute and beyond that they keep your flats and your jeans DRY when it’s pouring down rain. Last time I lived in Seattle I had to greatly limit the shoes I wore to work or out and about because my feet always got wet and my jeans always got wet and then they were wet the WHOLE DAY and I hate hate hated it. So this time around, the first thing on my to-do list was buy boots.

But then I forgot.

So a few weekends ago when it was down pouring for two days I was cursing myself for not having my boots. It really sounded more like this, “Uggghhh!! CLAIIIRREEE!! I should have bought booooooooooots!!” In the whiniest voice possible. Attractive. So on that sunday Claire and I trekked out to target where I had done my online research and found out they had BILLIONS of boots in different styles and shapes all for around $24.99. So of course I was like Uber Excited right? I’m pretty sure there was an “I’m going to Tar-get to get me some Boo-oots” dance, but it cannot be confirmed. Anyhoos – we get to target and I beeline to the shoes section and there are – get this – NO BOOTS TO BE FOUND. When I ask a sales person to point me in the right direction she says “oh we already have our next season stuff in, and we aren’t carrying them anymore.”

So let me get this straight… Target believes that in seattle the season for rain boots is….. SUMMER?! Am I in the twilight zone? Has the world turned upside down? Topsy Turvey? I am both incredibly annoyed and disappointed. What the eff, Target. Way to let a girl down. So we drove home bootless and I jumped right back on my computer to order them online, aggravated that I couldn’t have immediate gratification AND that I have to now pay for shipping. But I wasn’t kidding about the selection. Check out THESE BEAUTIES at Target.com. I know right? So I ordered a pair that Claire pronounced had a design that was “Freakin poetry on a boot.” Basically – just emo enough. And the next time it even DRIZZLED outside I was racing to my closet just to put them on and go run outside for 5 minutes.


They work marvelously.

On Writing

I’ve been struggling with getting a nice routine down for writing. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before… but it’s true. I’ll give you all a minute to recover from the shock.

Ok back to topic – I thought that I would graduate and move and then feel this overwhelming compulsion to write and I would schedule my life AROUND writing. And that compulsion is there. But so is the compulsion to go running, do laundry, go drinking with friends, lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling, etc. And to be honest, last week was just not a good week for me as a writer. I felt really really defeated. Knowing me, as I often do (know me, that is), I knew that this was just part of my writer-cycle (As opposed to the lady parts version) and there are whole sections of days where I feel like I know exactly what I’m doing and the genius is flowing and then there are whole sections of days where I am unsure and then a whole OTHER set that says YOU KNOW NOTHING YOU ARE DOING NOTHING WORTHWHILE YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIFE WITH NO AMBITION AND NO TALENT.

Notice how that last bit was all in caps? Yeah, it’s really hard to ignore. So when that happens I generally cry, get really frustrated, complain to friends about how i don’t know what I’m doing, how I hate this, hate this, hate this, and there is nothing to be done, just NOTHING i tell you. Emphasis on the insistence on complete inactivity to fix anything whatsoever. Fantastic.

Well anyways, the point is – that was last week. And the other part of this whole woe-is-me situation is that I wrote this book? And I haven’t let anyone read it? Because I don’t feel like I’m finished with it? But it’s pretty much my entire grad school experience? And because no one has read it outside of the program (And even then, only one person has seen the entirety) I feel like it kind of doesn’t even exist. And even though I was very very adamant about letting the book sit for a while and then returning to it with fresh eyes to get it where I need it, I have this thing where I start doubting my initial decisions as I begin to feel the pressure to perform or produce by well meaning, much loving friends and family. I also have this annoying habit of comparing my artistic life to other people’s artistic life as a measurement of where and when I should be. Which really doesn’t make any sense at all.

This brings you all up to date for what I wanted to tell you about today. So I’m riding the bus to work and it’s all warm and sunshiny out. And I start thinking about my novel. And it just hits me – a major plot change that will affect a lot of the book but will improve it ten-fold just lands in my lap. And it’s so shocking that I start grinning like a fool but also wondering WOW why hadn’t I thought of this before? And it’s so interesting because I feel like young writers get stuck in a rut with plot devices and comfort levels. Certain situations are just comfortable to write about because we know they work, we’ve seen them work. I was reading a round table article in Newsweek with Toni Collette (United States of Tara), Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory), Sarah Silverman, Jon Cryer (Two & A Half Men), and Amy Poehler about the Emmy’s and being comedians and an aspect of what they talked about was writing and performing. And They talked about the completely outdated plot device of an answering machine and hearing a voicemail while doing something related in a funny way (sleeping with another woman while you’re girlfriend calls, etc) and how it just doesn’t work anymore. Who has an answering machine like that anymore? But yet, even in current movies or shows this device keeps popping up.

And this is relevant to my own work. A character in my book is dying and he is spending the majority of the novel in hospice. But why? Well, because that’s where people go to die. But why? Why is that interesting? It feels to me like it makes my life as a writer more difficult because now I have to overcome a boring scenario in an otherwise not all that boring novel, just because “that’s what happens.” But it’s my job to break those molds and not settle for the obvious, and that’s the rewarding, incredibly difficult part of being a writer.

So guess what? I was totally right about letting my novel sit and not letting everyone read it right off the bat, because now I have some really fantastic ideas that will break the story open and will have the reader going “oh… interesting…” vs “yeahyeahyeah, so what?”. So I’m officially back on the upswing of my cycle. Of course, I’m still not touching my novel until at least november, but I’m gonna jot down these ideas for safe keeping while I keep procrastinating on the short story staring at me on my desktop. I’ll keep you posted.

Fashion: Jewelery

Oh my gosh! One of my favorite jewelery designers (Corky) has some new stuff up at Supermarket! My favorite at the moment is this adorable little monster necklace for $25.00.


Awww. I want. 🙂 Go check out more of his collection here: http://supermarkethq.com/designer/60/products and support the artist directly!! 🙂

Bath Time Fun 8

And Lauren is on the board!!


I’m not gonna lie – I totally screamed when it had been confirmed. YAAAY!!!! We are now tied 1-1.

Squirrel!

What Recession?

I found proof this morning that the recession is still in full swing. As I was sitting on the toilet, having my morning pee, I realized the toilet paper had run out so i reached behind me to where the stash is kept and pulled out another roll. Literally smack dab on the toilet paper was a coupon.


I mean, really… what kind of savings can be found inside a toilet paper roll? And is this supposed to be some sort of joyful find? Generally when I’m sitting on the toilet I’m not really thinking about the savings I could have if only I had access to a coupon. Is this a new form of gorilla marketing? Wipe your butt only to find… advertisement! That last line quite possibly gave some of you an unwanted visual, and i do apologize, but really? A coupon?! Stuck directly to the toilet paper roll? Who thoughtthat was a good idea? And why?!

Things

Right now I am eating left over squash from the amazing polenta dinner I made for claire and kamel while he was in town this weekend. Mmm… my own leftovers are kind of a novelty because when do I ever cook for more than just one person? For reals. But really – god what a time saver when you get home from work and it’s dark out. Sigh. Leftovers. Who knew? Probably all of a middle america. That’s who. Hello out there.

Anyways. So. The weekend. I was MIA because I was entertaining and playing a lot of snood. Remember snood?? I think instead of writing I’ll become a professional snood player, on a constant quest to meet that high score i had that one time and will never again achieve. It won’t be a fulfilling life, no, but it will come with some friggin sweet sound effects.

I went to the Puyallup fair (actually the Western Washington Fair… so it was a biggy) and I haven’t gone in 6 years!! And I finally went!! And I brought Kamel and we took pictures of (as Kamel kept saying) “America”. Cuz it really was with all the blue ribbons and designs made out of vegetables. And COWS! Oh the cute cows – all manicured and clean w/o poop smeared all over their butts. I got to pet one. It made my day. It’s name was Peggy. Seriously – when I was a kid it was the rides that had me running to the fair, but now it’s totally all the crazy people that come out and dress in flag muscles shirts… and the animals. I love the animals. But dude – I don’t think I’ve ever seen more pregnant women in one place before in all my LIFE. It was like an epidemic. And pregnant teens. Now that’s wholesome american fun for ya. Dropping out of high school to have a baby and live with your baby’s daddy who may or may not have an actual job or a high school education. Weird.

Anyways… what else? I’m starting to work a lot. Wee! Which means everything is finally falling into place. Wee! I’m getting fatter though. Which is a bummer. So from now on I’ll be much more diligent about working out regularly and eating well. It’s hard to do when you work in a bakery and the baker is always making you things. Special. Just for you. Don’t you want one? No? You work in a bakery. What’s wrong with you? You don’t want a giant piece of cake? Well how will you know how to sell it then? I’ll cut you a small piece. There ya go, honey. Eat up. Nomnomnom.

Writerly

I know in my description it says I am a writer but I don’t really talk about writing much. I am a writer, in a sense, because I have this blog and I try to look at the world a little differently and I try to express things in writing almost everyday, but I am also a real writer too. Short stories and novels actually. Anybody who is new should probably know that upfront. And the reason I am working at a bakery part time is so I can have more time to focus on writing and not come home completely mentally drained every day. Since I finished grad school about three weeks ago I have been working on a short story tentatively called “B-Ruce”. I don’t work on it every day but I do try and work on it several times a week and I am always thinking about it. It’s been a little more difficult getting into the swing of things what with the moving and the job hunting and the unpacking and just the general transitioning. But I actually am a writer, full time, and although I haven’t been talking about it much, it’s there. It is always there. And when I get done with this short story I’ll put an excerpt up and anyone who is interested can be emailed a copy by requesting one in the comments.

Thanks for the support everyone! Look for more writing updates in the future.

Bath Time Fun 7


Obviously I suck at this game. And claire is only mildly better. It was a grizzly bear.

Fucking Squirrel.

What The Fuck Moment

Alright ladies and gentlemen. It is now time for me to give you my what the FUCK moment of the week.

Last night I had an amazing happy hour with Tricia and then later in the evening met Kaitlyn downtown at Purple for a few glasses of wine and a few hours of non stop chatting. By the end of the evening i was glowing in the awesomeness of my friends. AWESOMENESS. Anyhoos…. So the evening is winding down with Kaitlyn when this banker looking wanker (i love when i get the chance to rhyme) walks in and as he passes behind the two of us asks

“So what’s good in here?” and even though we were totally rudely interrupted we both kind of shrug, say we don’t know then say “uhh, wine.” He proceeds to sit down next to me. Word to the wise… DO NOT ENGAGE – DO NOT.

Did I mention that Kaitlyn was wearing a SMOKING HOT drapy sweater dress like you see in the movies, and some kick ass heels? Hot-ness. Me on the other hand – jeans, grey tank, black tshirt with my orange shruggy thing, plus black flats. Hair in a pony tail. Not exactly my come-hither attire is all I’m saying. But dude is next to me. Great.

And turns to me and asks, “Does it smell like steak in here?” And we both reply “umm, no not really.” And he goes…. “Oh maybe it’s you.”

AND THEN HE SNIFFS ME. At my shoulder and my neck. Let me repeat that… dude motherfucking SNIFFS ME. Then comes to the conclusion that “Heh… you smell like steak.”

Without batting an eyelash i reply, “Yeah i get that a lot.” And then he SNIFFS AGAIN and says “And oregano.” To which I reply, “Well I am Italian.”

This entire time I am trying to shoulder him out of my conversation with Kaitlyn by completely turning my back to him. Apparently my “get the fuck away” stance isn’t working. So Kaitlyn and I promptly jump off the bar stools and head out to find a cab.

And although I was joe cool in the bar, the minute we walk outside I am all I SMELL LIKE STEAK!?? AND PIZZA SAUCE?!! And Kaitlyn is laughing and assuring me that no, i do not, but that wow that guy was a D-Bag. But even by the time I get home I am still unsure so when I retell this story to claire I eventually make her smell me and tell me the verdict. Her response: “You smell like a WOMAN. Like vanilla and cinnamon and everything GOOD”. Well I guess that’s perk number two of working in a bakery.

But seriously… WHAT THE FUCK?!