Things, January

I had big plans for last week and this weekend. Plans that included new photos and new stories and new adventures. But then we were hit with the yucks and the sicks. I sat by the toilet all day Wednesday in a bathrobe (after recording this week’s podcast of course) and suffered all night long, then was sick all Thursday. It was Kamel’s turn Friday night and then all day Saturday. On Sunday I completely lost my voice, but at least everyone in the house was able-bodied. And so far (please God, knock on ALL THE WOOD), the children haven’t started throwing up. The kids just have there never ending colds, the snot runneth over, the coughs I don’t even hear anymore. Is this part of the same virus or have they just started to layer? I sometimes ask myself. From December to April there is maybe, if we’re lucky, a 2 week period of time where everyone is healthy at once. But now that we have a 4th member of the germ-brigade, I think those 2 weeks are doubtful.

I don’t really know how this happened but this month, as we inch closer and closer to Gabe turning 3, Gabe has super turned a mood corner. He is so much fun! He is goofy and helpful and sweet and happy. He is also annoying and doesn’t listen and tunes me out like it is his LIFE’S WORK, but oh man he really is a joy. I keep looking at Kamel across the room and saying, “Three…. three’s going to be our year.” And then I scold myself a little bit for thinking anything at all lasts. Even the good stuff is a phase, Lauren… but it doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy the shit out of it.

I can’t keep my house clean or picked up. I literally just folded baby clothes last night and I looked during bath time and their clothing bin is already filled up! I feel like we always need to vacuum even though we just did yesterday. There is always stuff on the kitchen table, I’m lucky if I see the kitchen counters cleared once a week, and there is always at least 2 burners with a pot or pan on them. The bathrooms always need a scrub because I only ever have time to wash them in pieces. The sinks and the mirrors one week, the toilets the next, etc. There will never be a day where I will be able to keep more than 2 bathrooms clean. My hands are always full of baby in one form or another. Or I’m doing the other 5,000 things I need to be doing. Picking up toy cars, refilling wipes, setting out clothes for the kids for the next day or bedtime, oh and the working. The working that has me staring at all of the house things I don’t have time to do because I’m working from home. And the working is hands on, must be present, must be sitting at my computer 8 hours a day – WORKING. The other big part of this is that we need a bigger place. We don’t fit here anymore. There aren’t places to put everything and the places for the things that do have a home are too small. We are bursting at the seams. I hate it.

Kamel and I are going on a date this Friday. What! The last time we went on a date-date, like out to a dinner in a fancy way date, was… when I was pregnant… and we were testing out a new babysitter. I’m trying to remember the month…. but I can’t for the life of me. I remember where we went! And we were like “we should come here more!” and then we never went anywhere ever again. Until this Friday! I even made reservations somewhere! We have plans to go on a date once a month! So look for highlights in future posts.

This spring and summer is going to be exceptionally busy. We have a trip to visit family in Miami in April, Fae’s first birthday in July, her baptism in August, two weddings in the fall which mean wedding events in the summer. Lots and lots going on. My brain has already moved on to sunnier days and trying to brainstorm outfits for all of these things. Maybe I should finally buy a bra first and throw away all of the nursing tanks I have been exclusively wearing first…

Weekending 37

This weekend was COLD! Which I love. I love seasons! I love the cold! I love the crispness! I love the snow! I even enjoy the rain. It doesn’t keep us inside, it just makes for more interesting adventures! And my god, this place is beautiful on those cold, crispy, clear days.

New Years for us was uneventful. More time at home with the kids, exploring beaches and play areas, running errands, trying to get Gabriel to eat other things besides yogurt. You know how it goes.














(Not pictured…. unfortunately…. the massive cold and surprising (To Kamel… haha) SPLASH from that log)









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Things, November

Having Kamel home on paternity leave has been so nice. It has also been a lesson in the differences between “men out in the world with babies” and “women out in the world with babies.”

Exhibit 1: Kamel is in the grocery store. Checker is googly eyes mad-crazy at Fae. She then says “Stay at home dads are my weakness!” to Kamel. He replies, “Oh, I’m just on leave.” She says, “That’s like a whole MOVEMENT right now!”

I am at the grocery store with Fae. The most I get is “How old is he?” “Oh she’s ______ months.” And then I struggle to open the door and pull the stroller through while also carrying groceries by myself.

Exhibit 2: Kamel posts a photo of himself holding Fae while playing video games. Comments include heart eye emojis and “What an attentive dad!”

Exhibit 3: (This is with Gabriel and not during Kamel’s current leave, for the record) While changing Gabe’s diaper in a men’s room at a car dealership with no changing station, “I’m really sorry there are no changing stations in here. You’re doing a great job, man. I’ve got 6 kids at home. Keep it up.”

Me nursing Fae at the Zoo while it is pouring down rain. I am sitting off to the side, not blocking anything, minding my own business while Gabe and Kamel run around an exhibit. The sign on the door said, “Please no strollers because of crowds” and there was maybe 3 other people in the exhibit.

“Um excuse me, you can’t have your stroller inside any of the buildings.”

“Oh, yeah… I just have this one in the car seat.” (THE ONE ATTACHED TO MY NIPPLE)

“Yeah, everyone does. No strollers allowed in any of the buildings.”


… Not impressed, Zoo. Not impressed.

Winter is so dark. How is it possible that I keep forgetting this? Thankfully it comes on the heels of twinkle lights and social events and cozy clothing and hot tea! My god, the hot tea. A cup of tea can just CHANGE a person, amIright? Other positive winter feels include: indoor open swim for Gabriel and Kamel, slippers, Christmas lists, secret santas, not sweating, winter ale, and those crisp sunny days.

Earlier this month I saw Gloria Steinem in conversation with Cheryl Strayed and I cried 4 times during the discussion. The biggest sob fest was when an older Asian woman came up to the microphone and thanked Gloria Steinem for being such a good friend to her and for coming into her garden on Whidbey Island and for breaking her isolation due to her language barrier. Water works for days. Things I learned from the discussion:

  • When the media freaks out about young women claiming they don’t need feminism, it’s kind of a joke. A 20 year old posting a sign on twitter does not take into account the millions of women who are 30+ actively living and preaching feminism in their daily life. It is a reminder that the world views women’s contributions as being only as good as their young, ripe bodies. The voice of feminism does not end at 29, does not end at menopause! Women get more radical with age.
  • Feminism is all encompassing. It includes gay rights, all civil rights, all equalities. Feminism is for everyone. People of color have always been at the forefront.
  • At times it feels like we are slipping backwards, but these conversations weren’t even happening 70 years ago. Do not despair.
  • The most important freedom is the freedom over our own bodies and our own reproductive rights. The choice of when and where and if to have children is a basic human right. It is a domino effect of all freedom.
  • (This I did not fully realize until this conversation) Women are still not equal under the law in the United States because the Equal Rights Amendment has not yet been ratified. We are, literally, legally not equal at this time. If you think this doesn’t actually mean anything, the supreme court rules on the actual law, not the assumed law and as major cases about women’s health come to pass, it does count that the constitution does not say “All men and women are created equal.”

Fae goes to daycare in a few weeks. I’ve been sad about it all month. I’ve gotten accustomed to her. And I don’t want to be away from her. I’ll get over it. Daycare is good for her and me. But… my baby!! I want to snuggle her and see her crinkle nose smile every day, all day. The world is full of a million contradictory things I want all at the same time and cannot have.

Things, September

September is barely here but I already have some things.

First the weather is finally bearable and I am … kind of missing the endless days of sun and blue sky? I AM A FICKLE BITCH I TELL YOU. Like, now I can’t just traipse out whenever the mood strikes? I have to actually pay attention to the forecast? Just in case it is raining? What is this inconvenience you speak of?

Working out. It is happening. Get it get it get it get it. Between 5 and 6 AM, unless the baby sleeps longer (And then I take it as a sign from GOD that we can stay in bed longer) we are up and at-am and sweating in the living room. Kicking and punching and squats and all kinds of horrible contortions in order to raise the heart rate and lift the butts.

Current food obsession: Veggie Quesadillas. Light on the cheese, heavy on the veggies. Tune into Instagram for a totally useless barrage of food photos (heavy on the cute kids, light on the food).

We are successfully having outings with our brood. I know it sounds like we have a whole gaggle when really we only have 2, but omg it feels like so many more babies than just 2. It feels like an ARMY OF BABIES. And we have managed to strap them into car seats and ignore their whines and cries and actually go places on the weekends. This mostly leaves Kamel and I in a sweaty puddle of stress and exhaustion. But we’re doing it! And I am banking on it getting easier with time and age. Like, eventually they drive themselves, right?

Last weekend Maris came into town and my family by choice was complete. More than ever I feel like some sort of band of super heroes with magic rings? (Bear with me here.) And only when we are all together do our powers combine into some sort of fantastical force? Anyways – I feel the most myself when my best friends are all together. The way they love on my kids, the way we cheer for each other, the way we always have our backs, the way they know so very much about it all that half the conversation is already spoken before we get a word out. It’s family and I want it all the time. (Soon, right Maris? SOON!)

Next weekend is for reals potty training weekend-o-spills-and-thrills. This was supposed to happen a few weeks ago but Gabe was sick and I need him in an up beat attitude for this thing.Underpants have been purchased, process has been ironed out, the only thing left to do is prep daycare that underpants are going to be the name of the game at school starting next week. I’m anticipating: pee on the carpet and poop in the potty resistance. But I’m also hoping that by October at the latest diapers all day are a thing of the past and we only have diapers at night. Here we go kids…

**Edit: We talked to the daycare potty trainer 9-5 (8:30-6) lady extraordinaire and she said that Gabe had regressed since his transition into the new room at the start of the new school year. So… we have to wait since he isn’t even peeing in the potty in the new room! WHAT! I guess the bigger potty freaks him out. SIGH. So we delay a bit longer. At least we got super super adorable underpants to gaze at longingly with the promise of cheaper Target bills?

Still on the job hunt. Still on the hunt to get me out of this house. Stay tuned.

Cord Blood Donation

July was Cord Blood Donation Awareness Month! I had plans to take a picture of my thank you note from Bloodworks Northwest and talk about my experience last week, but here it is now early August (IT IS AUGUST?!) and I missed the awareness month. But I’m still going to talk about it.

Donating cord blood is something I wanted to do with Gabriel, but the hospital I delivered at didn’t have the facilities for it, so I double-triple-checked that I could with Fae and am so happy we did!

During the hospital tour I asked about the process and they handed me over a packet of information and a large survey to be filled out and handed over at delivery. Some other programs have you mail it in before delivery, so it just depends. I opted for donation to patients vs donation for scientific studies because cord blood stem cells can help cure:

  • Anemias
  • Bone Marrow Failure
  • Hodgkin’s Lymphoma
  • Various Immune Disorders
  • Leukemia

Fae was still able to experience delayed clamping and cord blood collection happened without any work from me. It all happened at the end of the table and voila! Fae and I may have just saved someone’s life.

If you are currently pregnant talk to your OB/Midwife about the cord blood donation options and see if where you delivery is donation-friendly. It’s pretty much donated or thrown away after your baby is done with it, so use it or lose it!

Note: I am very squeamish and don’t even donate blood as I frequently pass out and it would be a major day ruin-er. My annual physical is hard enough for me to get through, and this was a total drop in the bucket. So even for those people who think it is icky, I highly recommend. This is an amazing opportunity to help a stranger fighting for their life. Plus it’s pretty magical what science and the human body can do.

Things: Where Did The Spring Go?

I try and do 1 monthly “Things” post of all the random stuff I would like to talk about but is too small for 1 big post. But today it is not particularly June and not particularly May. Well, it is actually June, but I am having a hard time truly believing my calendar. April was long and full of travel and activities and turning 30, the last month of working for a while, and and and. It stretched on and felt full and complete. May. What happened in May? The world zoomed by and poof there are few flowers on the trees, everything is turning into a deep summer green, and the new birth of spring is settling into maturity. Well, ok then nature… you just do your thing, I guess.

We took photos while running about some last weekend, but then missed a bunch of other photo moments like a fun pizza-making BBQ at a friend’s place where Gabe was … a challenge, but also adorable, but also annoying, but also played by himself with a ball and an empty chair, but also refused to eat, but also referenced their house (and all free standing homes) as a castle. So, he was a toddler. What this meant was, I didn’t actually do a weekend-ing post because I felt my photo documentation was sparse. I need to be better. I have a goal of doing 100 of them and at this rate it’s going to take me several years to complete.

I am making photo books of every year of our family adventures since our wedding in 2011 for our anniversary this year. Since technically for our anniversary we will be having a baby, this is one of those projects that needs extra funds thrown at it and therefore needs a special occasion to complete. Looking through our adventureing trips makes me even more wanderlusty. We didn’t do anything this year! No long weekends to new places, no vacations. It is very sad and makes me miss doing new things very much. Things we have done: saved for a house, gestated. But ugh, booorrrinnnggg. I need my Great Wide Somewhere.

So, I was hoping to have a post about our updated nursery situation this week. BUT, do you know what is hard to find time to do with a toddler? Nail things into the walls. If they are around they want to touch everything and see everything and help and be picked up to look and on and on. If they are sleeping then nails in the walls are not a thing that really can happen. Sigh. Next week for sure. For growing family’s in small(er) spaces, I have some tips. Hint: It mostly involves not having a ton of stuff, but there is some Ikea thrown in as well.

We had family photos done last week by Rachelle Rawlings and the sneak peaks she posted on facebook and another on instagram are blowing my mind! We haven’t done any profesh photos since our wedding. We had a photographer for Gabe’s baptism, but it was mostly so no one had to worry about carrying around cameras. I specifically wanted these photos because I wanted to mark this time between 1 and 2 children. I wanted there to be a lovely timestamp moment of what it was like the spring before Fae arrived, when it was just the three of us and I happened to be very pregnant. I have always really adored professional family photos. Even the cheesy ones from the 90s, even the shoulder pads of the 80s, and especially seeing all of the hair-do changes. I love that there is a record of moments hanging in my grandmothers’ homes, of weddings, and births, and christmases. We have a lot of photos up on our walls, but I’m holding out for when we get an actual house (someday… someday…) and have a spot for the big group wedding photos with all of the generations present, the iconic baptism photos, a favorite from our engagement shoot, and now one of the incredibly beautiful family photos that Rachelle took. I’ll be posting some of my favorites once they arrive!

I am still hurting due to pregnancy. Walking is hard, I just ache all of the time in my lower back and hips. I successfully went to 2 physical therapy appointments and then canceled them after that. I am constantly going to the doctor now that I am late in this pregnancy and omg, physical therapy once a week was becoming too much. Too much to juggle with one car and getting everyone where they needed to be on time. I’ve got some exercises to do and they actually do help things (when I do them, ahem) and I know that once I stop being pregnant this discomfort will ease up and then go away. FOREVER. (Please let that be true.)

I’m really looking forward to the time when I can talk about other things beside pregnancy. Like adventures and having 2 kids and living my life beyond this one aspect of it. Six more weeks to go.

Things, April

I am really tired and I am really sore. I have no entered the third trimester of pregnancy and I am slow and big and have throbbing pain down my left side and everything is hard and the worst. I am very tired because I keep waking up at 5am. It hurts to flip over, I have to pee, there is nature or homeless people being loud out side – there is always something. I am still trying not to throw up. That’s depressing news. In non-depressing (sort of non-depressing because it is mostly a relief but financially depressing news) next Thursday is my last day at work. And then on to new horizons/unemployment/writing a book and having a baby/the great unknown. I am relieved to wear sweats more often and have to worry about the “proper shoes for office life” a lot less.

April 20th was my final day in my completely silly and self imposed Seattle Weather Tally! Overall I counted for 186 days. Below are my findings.


So for anyone who complains about the Seattle weather – yes the days get shorter, yes we have greyness, yes winter happens. But we also have a lot of opportunities to go outside during the day, the clouds part and the sun emerges.*

Being a contract worker with no access to any of the perks of being actually hired (like the company discount, or parking, or vacation time, or sick leave, or paid federal holidays!) has made me very entitled about the small things. Like not putting my used cups in the dishwasher. Someone who gets paid more than me can take care of that. Or feeling bad for wasting tea or Swiss Miss packets. I HAVE NO GUILT OR SHAME! Or using extra company kleenex. Yeah, that’s right. I’m gonna use up this box and another and another. Whattya gonna do about it? Small victories against The Man.

I am finally, after many many months getting new glasses with an updated prescription. I’m really excited about it. I tried on a bunch via Warby Parker and then sort of liked some, sort of didn’t. So it took me a long time to decide and then once I did decide it took me a long time to order. Why is pulling the trigger on things like this take me so long? Hi, I need new glasses… but let’s think on it for a YEAR shall we? Don’t want to rush into improved eyesight and updated fashion!

Today is Earth Day! And all of my fears about climate change are becoming ever more pressing. But today I’ll leave you with this: Bottled water is not just about generating a shit ton of waste, it’s about WATER DISPLACEMENT. And if you would like to do 1 easy thing that could make a big impact: Stop buying Arrowhead brand bottled water immediately, or any other Nestle product. 


*The talling rules: To be partly cloudy the sun had to be around by 1pm that day. It had to be enough break in the clouds for normal working folk to be able to enjoy a bit of nice weather on their lunch breaks. 4pm sunbreaks doesn’t do anybody any good.

Small Joys and Happies

Reeses Easter Eggs.

Having the bathroom to my self at work.

Gabe singing, “Maria. Makes me. Laugh. Hahaha.”

The way Gabe asks for “chochos” and being excited when a cookie has sprinkles.

Full panel maternity pants.


Approaching 10,000 words on my book. 10,000 is just the start, but it will be a good day when I get there.

Feeling accomplished.

Finally checking some items off of my to-do list for baby #2.

Upcoming solo trips for my writerly well being.

Singing to Gabe while I wash his hair and having him not cry.

That this weekend is Gabe’s first hip hop dance class!

Hot chocolate.

Consistent baby movement.

Our growing House Savings.

Starting to wear dresses to work.

Soft maternity leggings.

When Kamel washes my feet before bed. (Small pregnant joys.)

Buying presents for friends and finding the perfect just-because card.

Finally solidifying plans for family portraits in May!

30 soon.

Things, March

I am still being extra productive on writing and it has me all excited and frothy about words on the page, about story, about craft. Lots of nerdy nerdy writing excitement is happening in the secret parts of my head. The quiet moments are filled with more action and less doubt, more forgiveness if I need to stop writing for the day, or skip a day, or even two, than guilt and shame and self-flogging. I think this is the most I’ve written on any 1 subject since grad school. This feels new and different and good. Now if only I’ll be able to finish a complete first draft before this next baby comes.

Next week we are going to Miami to visit family! This weekend I am prepping with my first pedicure in months and months, ever since I stopped painting my toes for the winter to hopefully assist with my chronic broken toenails. Which sounds grosser than it was, I swear. All winter my tootsies have been break-free and hopefully the renewed oxygen has been useful. Seasonal color for the win. I’m very excited for warm temps, some vitamin D, and possibly going on an air boat in the everglades! I am not so much looking forward to maternity swim wear, my dimpled and beluga white thighs, or our layover in LA. Posting might be a little light next week, but I’m bringing my computer so hopefully I’ll have some thinking time.


Spring came way early in Seattle. Most people are thrilled, but I can’t stop thinking about global warming. And how there is no snow pack. And how the seasons are all fucked up. And how we aren’t doing enough and even my small conservation efforts will never be enough. And the smog in Beijing, and the massive massive drought in California. And water supplies. And what will my children’s lives be like when they are adults? And how basically the movie premise of Interstellar is going to come true. Or maybe The Road. Neither of those options is very good. But at least there are cherry blossoms?

This weekend we are moving our bedroom furniture around to give us more space and make room for a minicrib. The same minicrib that Gabe had when he was born. Once I finalize our bedroom/nursery, maybe get a mobile, clear off some surfaces, I’ll give you all a photo tour. Our bedroom is not awesome. I wanted to get a bed for Christmas but instead we didn’t get anything and tried to continue to put away for a down payment on a house. My “Stand in” night stand from target is still going strong a year later. And we have not done a good job of getting art or any meaningful photos on the walls. It’s basically the place we put things we don’t want the baby to get into, but even that is a flawed system now that Gabe can open doors. Sigh a thousand sighs. But hopefully this weekend we will make some headway.

Now that Gabe’s birthday has come and gone, now that I’ve mostly figured out what I’m doing for my birthday in April, now that I have nailed down (generally) the events for Maris’s 30th celebration in May, I have run out of parties to plan! We’re not doing a baby shower because I’m very twitchy about people buying me things that I can buy myself and having a party that focuses mostly on the giving a gifts is just not my thing. I did it once for my wedding shower, I’m good for a lifetime. Although Christmases and Birthdays are still my jam and mucho presents welcome at those. I’m not a monster. I’m also making myself wait at least a month or two before fully diving into planning Claire’s 30th in June. Mostly to spare the other participants my over zealousness. You are welcome.

What’s going on in your worlds? Update me on the happs!