I opened the blog today to see that I haven’t blogged in basically an entire month. What happened? A lot of things. A lot. You are about to get updates a-plenty. The first one being about my insides. Are you ready?
I started my period after having Fae about 6 months after she was born. I was still breast feeding but my period came back about this time with Gabe and maybe that’s just my body’s natural way. When Fae was about 9 months old-ish, I bled through a freshly placed tampon, and my underwear, and my yoga pants while I was standing in my kitchen making dinner. It was like a woosh of fluid and it was shocking! I had never bled through a tampon ever before in my life. (Aside from minor spotting that was like CHANGE ME.)
The next month it happened again. Except I was about to leave the house and I recognized the woooooosh and narrowly saved the pants I was wearing. I was quickly fucking up a lot of my underwear. I started wearing pads and tampons. Then, because tampons seemed totally pointless I started just wearing pads.
The summer Fae turned 1, I remember sitting at a friend’s BBQ, in a pad, and white pants. Always white pants. And feeling woosh after woosh after woosh. I had only brought the pad I was wearing. Who needs to change their legit-sized pad during a 3 hour BBQ? Me. I will spare you the description of how soaked that pad was.
I thought: Welcome to having two kids. [insert shruggy emoji here]
Other weird things: When I ovulated I bled. Not like just when I wiped, but like, oh surprise! your underwear is now pink. Sometimes when I would work out (especially running or cardio heavy) I would bleed. There were months where I would actively spot from ovulation until my period. You can imagine the “Is it time? Am I starting? Should I pack pads? Am I not starting? Should I wear a pad to bed?” anxiety that induced.
This last Christmas I was so fed up, I got Thinx underwear. Because at least then I didn’t have to worry about the spotting, and I wouldn’t have to live in HORRIBLE pads!!
In February Kamel and I went to Miami to visit his family. I got my period a week early. It immediately sent me into a panic. I needed to go to Walgreens NOW. No more bathing suits for me! Oh we’re going kayaking with manatees? I’ll wear my Thinx, a pad, jean shorts, and a tank top, thanks. Oh it is 85 degrees? And the water is delicious? No, I’ll just stay in the kayak and roast. Can’t get wet. No tampon can contain me! Joy.
Later that month I went to see my OB for my annual. I mentioned how I’m having super flows and that I have bought thinx. Both the NP and my doc were very… “Tell me more…” when I mentioned that no tampon could contain me. I made my own excuses, “but that’s just second kid, right?”
My doctor said that we needed to get a handle on this situation otherwise I was going to find myself anemic. She said it wasn’t normal, and it did not have to be this way.
My period was taking over my life! I sometimes bled for 15 days! And when it was actually my period Kamel had started calling it the shining. It was such huge RELIEF to know that I didn’t have to deal with this for the next 20 years. Hopefully.
In March, I had two ultrasounds. One on my tummy and one trans-vaginally. They found a fibroid growing in the lining of my uterus. The plan was to have surgery and scrape it out. Did you wince? I just winced.
A week after my birthday, I had surgery. I was wheeled into an operating room, they put me under, and they scraped out the entire anterior side of my uterus. Like a cantaloupe, I would imagine. My doctor couldn’t see the fibroid in question, even with the scope and all of that. So she covered a larger area than originally discussed just to make sure she got it. It came back in pathology that she did in fact get it!
And I want to be clear I was scared. Really scared. I don’t do well with medical things, I feel very vulnerable about my vagina. And I was really concerned I wouldn’t be able to even walk into the hospital without a full panic attack and passing out. I cried a lot about it. Especially in the shower, especially at night. I worked through it in my own head, and when I got to the day, I was ok. I cried when I was getting on my gurney. I cried when they were putting the oxygen mask on me in the operating room. Silent tears, not like sobbing tears. But I did it. And I am really proud of how I handled it all. I impressed myself. I am stronger than I think.
I have not had a real post-op period yet. But I am really hopeful that things go back to being tampon-friendly.
All this to say – if you think your fucked up periods are just age or life or whatever. Maybe they aren’t. Maybe it doesn’t have to be like that anymore. Talk to your doctor.