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Sometimes while Kamel is up in the middle of the night changing Gabe, before he has brought him to me to nurse, I wish that Gabe will poop or pee just as Kamel is done putting on a fresh diaper just so I can spend more time sprawled out in bed like a starfish.

One time in college I was short 1 load of laundry detergent, so I attempted to steal some from a girl who had left her bottle in the laundry room. Half way into pouring it the girl walked in. Probably one of the biggest oh-shit moments of my life.

I never ever ever feel satisfied after just 1 (or even 2 or 3) cookies or donuts or cupcakes. Ever. I don’t think there is a baked good I couldn’t eat an entire dozen of.

I had a huge crush on my biology teacher in high school. I and a few other girls used to tell him we were going to sell our eggs for money just to get a rise out of him. It was nice to know he gave even a shred of concern for our reproductive futures.

I have peed in my sleeping bag a million times at sleepovers because of the giggles and because I didn’t want to leave to go to the bathroom in case I missed out on something.

I always tell them I love them first. Always.

I hate Apple products just because of the pretension.

I almost never read books more than once, but I like to have them around anyway.

I really hate running. Even when I was a runner I hated it. I will never run a marathon because I really don’t want to. (Watch in 3 years I’ll have run a fucking marathon. No, I won’t. We’ll see.)

I am annoyed by lots of things. Kamel is annoyed by only a few things. His lack of annoyance annoys me.

I believe that dream catchers actually work.

I definitely judge people on there bumper stickers and vanity plates.

One time when I was old enough to know better, I pooped in an Embassy Suites pool. I think it mostly was just in my bathing suit. After I cleaned it up I went right back in.

Within my Top 5 Favorite Things To Do In Normal Time resides: Out to drinks with ladies and sharing a lot of TMI. TMI makes friends out of strangers. It delights me. Actually, with me, there is no such thing as too much, there is just: information.

I have never seen The Big Lebowski but I pretend like I have all of the time. Also, I think Catcher In The Rye is obnoxious. Hemingway is overrated.

I really resent seat belt laws. I would wear my seat belt anyway, but stop telling me what to do nanny state!

I have really thick ankles. Anklets never fit me. Also, those shoes with the ankle straps are a nightmare.

I’ve seen Street Fighter, the movie, way above 20 times and had a massive obsession with Jean-Claude Van Damme in 5th grade. While in the computer lab at school I accidentally came across a naked photo of him, spread eagle on the hood of a car. that was my first penis sighting. It wasn’t that great.

About 50% of the time I will accidentally tell you about the surprise that is being planned for your birthday or your awesome christmas present. I’ll tell you without even realizing it until you stop me and ask me to clarify. Oops.

I have no idea how to end this post. So I’m writing this instead.

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Who the hell is she?


Lauren

I am a writer living in Seattle and I believe that life is a grand adventure and only boring if you believe it to be. Plus! You don't need money to have fun.

I live with my husband, a photographer by education and a maker-of-video-games by trade, and a baby named gabe in an apartment on the hill.

I am romantic about most things and I cry... about almost anything. I tell stories to entertain you, I spread stories to keep you in the loop. I am not a grammar freak, but I do know how to spell it. I am exceedingly proud of my scrambled eggs and I really could eat an entire pan of cupcakes. If I met me, I would be my best friend. I tend to be irreverent.

If you would like to chat with me or see what else I'm up to you can follow me on Twitter (betterinrealife), on facebook, or email me at betterinrealife at gmail.


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