Saturday Edition: Cleaning with Flo

This is the 4th Saturday Edition starring Kamel! And so far it’s a happy-dance inducing venture. Thanks for reading!!

Every time Lauren whips out the Flo and makes her masterpieces, a huge mess is always left behind. You never see this in the pretty photos, but cleaning the mess is my job. So I figured I’d give you a behind the scenes look at the not-so-glamourous-but-still-important part of Flo’s life in the Duprez Household. The cleanse:

Saturday Edition: Things Lauren Does Not Care About

Hey look! This is something new! A post on a Saturday?! Why yes, indeed, it is! The Saturday Edition is a post written by Kamel, about anything and all things. Even I am not entirely sure what most of these are about. Get ready…

There are certain things in life that I love to talk about and get excited for that Lauren just does not care about. So she doesn’t want to hear it. (Lauren Edit: This makes me sound like a horrible wife… but it’s not like I haven’t heard these things a millllllllion times) But since I really want to share some of these things am unable to control myself, I will share them with you!

  • Last week I finally unlocked my bootloader and rooted my phone! I was holding off on doing this because it required me to factory reset my phone first. Meaning I’d lose all my stuff. But this week I figured out how to do a backup and restore it. Once rooted I was able to install ad block on my phone (no more ads, ever!) and turn on free wifi tethering amongst many other things. But Lauren’s response was, “What? What? Why are you telling me this? You have to re-install ____ app? Why? Bootloader? Oh Kamel I don’t really care about this.” Haha
  • Since becoming a Citizen, and with the recent election mania I’ve been genuinely interested in maybe running for local office. I think I can pull it off since most people have had it with their representatives being totally incompetent or wacky. So, I researched what I have to do, and it’s totally do able. But (Lauren Edit: Remember that I had nodded and said MmHm, yeah I don’t think so about a gazillion times. Plus Kamel always wants to be a 1) movie star 2) start a professional that requires lots of technical skill 3) a fairy princess who fights dragons (meaning ridiculous other things that don’t make sense)) Lauren stopped me and said, “Kamel, this is the one dream of yours I’ll have to crush. Sorry, but no. I cannot do that life, you’ll never win (Kamel Edit: Yes I could) because I write a blog and I have no filter, plus I don’t believe the system would ever ever ever let you make any big changes because it’s all a bunch of shit.” Just between you and me, though, in a few years, I’ll give this one another go. ūüėČ
  • I care about the technology and quality of the theater we go to. Lauren does not. For example, I used to LOVE watching movies at Lucasfilm or Skywalker Ranch because they had the optimal THX certified, studio reference picture and sound. Plus everyone behaved, paid respect to the credits and no food was ever allowed! The perfect film experience. Lauren hated this, because she couldn’t have snacks and candy while watching the movie, didn’t want to stay for the credits and hated that people didn’t cheer. So, we go to sticky movie theaters where people talk on their cell phones and sometimes the picture is crooked.
  • I love aviation and get excited about every detail of the plane. I tell Lauren what airplane we are going to use and a little bit of the history behind it. One of my life goals was to fly on a 747 and this March, when we go to Spain, I’ll finally get to! I was super excited about this when we booked the tickets, but as I told Lauren the details of the plane, she just got scared and asked me to stop. Aww! She feels like the plane is TOO BIG and the details TOO SCARY and I think the plane is TOO AWESOME.
  • I set up our living room so that our music from both computers can stream wirelessly to the PS3, playback the audio on our sound system AND be remote controlled via the iPad or my cell phone. To be fair she thought this was really cool, especially for parties. BUT as soon as I start telling her the details of how I accomplished this feat, she would rub my arm and give me that “I don’t care, but I love you” look and I would have to stop talking.

Other random things:

  • Space exploration and astronomy
  • The science channel and shows like “How it’s Made”
  • The ongoing war between RealD vs Dolby 3D systems. (I think Dolby is the better one)
  • Details and rumors about what’s next in tech. New iPad, new androids, new windows, etc.
  • Physics and chemistry. So many good things to nerd over in these topics that I could start a blog covering it all. (Lauren Edit: This makes me sound like a science hating, ignorant mess – which I am not. Just cut to the chase and tell me if teleporting is ever going to happen. The end.)
  • Setting up Lauren’s computer to be most efficient. (Lauren Edit: He’s not allowed to touch my things.)

And to give you a cinematic representation of our lives together, please review this clip. (No, really… it’s the perfect example.)

The End!

Saturday Edition: Get Off My Lawn!

Hey look! This is something new! A post on a Saturday?! Why yes, indeed, it is! The Saturday Edition is a post written by Kamel, about anything and all things. Even I am not entirely sure what most of these are about. Get ready…

Yesterday I was at the Apple Store in the nearby mall completing a weeklong exchange that spawned completely thanks to Dr Dre’s minions being totally rude to me. Therefore requiring me to go scam them back in order to get what I wanted. It’s a long story, for maybe another time…

Anywho, while waiting to get help at the Apple store, I noticed this group of five 12-13 year old boys come into the store. They were wearing the typical baggy pants, oversized sportsball jackets with matching sportsball hats. They had mussy, goobery “I don’t care but I really do” hair and they totally looked like they were up to no good. No good at all.

They snuck (or at least thought they snuck) past the greeter and went straight for the iPhones on display near me. Two of them went over to one iPhone behind me against the wall and another one (who barely had the pre-teen greasy mustache) went to an iPhone in front of me on center the island.

The mustachioed one proceeded to pull out his own iPhone (which was cracked of course) and began tapping along at it, while discreetly holding the store’s iPhone. He then looked over his shoulder to his buddies and gave them a nod. His buddies proceeded to each grab a display iPhone and began tapping away.

Now at this point I was already thinking the worst. These idiots think they are being all gangsta and slick, but I totally see them, and I bet you everyone in the store did too. They are up to NO GOOD (no good, I say!), and I would have bet money that in about two seconds they were going to steal the iPhones. “Where are their parents?!” I thought. They should be doing their homework! GAHHH! (Lauren Edit: Oh my god we are old people. We are SO OLD… goddamn kids!)

So, I creep closer to them, not wanting them to get away with their hijinks, and as i stand there quietly judging them I see that the goober with the facial hair in front of me is actually launching some sort of “Yu-gi-oh / Pokemon-y” App on his iPhone, while stealthily installing said game on the store’s iPhone. He looks over both shoulders, first his left then his right, and then to his buddies behind me and gives them “the sign.” They too proceed to download said App to their phone and all launch it at once.

I then realize that they are using the store iPhones to create fake accounts for their little tamagotchis or whatever and are using these fake accounts to send their own personal phones friend requests! Once they did this, they all looked around, cos you know they are being such BADASSES! And then they start to send each other fake diamonds via the apps to their own phones. OMG DIAMOND HEIST!

They are now moving super quickly, like little pre-teen Thomas Crowns and going from store display iPhone to iPhone, getting as much virtual shwag as possible. I bet they felt the rush doing this. Little did they know that NO ONE CARES if you do this. This isn’t illegal and they’re just posers with their ghetto mall clothes and secret looks and nods. I wanted to yell at them to, “Just be normal and do whatever! Or go home and do your homework!” But of course, they wouldn’t have listened to me anyway.

It was at that moment I realized – no re-affirmed – that I have become a cranky old man and I need these kids to get off my lawn! But at the same time, I was a tad relieved they didn’t actually steal the phones and instead were doing something innocent (in a a totally goober boy shady looking way).

They wrapped up their activity, deleted the apps off the store phones, and suspiciously walked out of the store, like the tough guys they are not. Once in the clear, they ran away, high-fiving each other and laughing with their broken, still developing vocal cords.

I’m such an old man.

Saturday Edition: The Pizza Breakdown

Hey look! This is something new! A post on a Saturday?! Why yes, indeed, it is! The Saturday Edition is a post written by Kamel, about anything and all things. Even I am not entirely sure what most of these are about. Get ready…

I love Pizza. But there are three things in the world that can totally ruin the idea of Pizza for me.

1. Pineapple on Pizza. Why would anyone ever think this is a good idea? Do not try to convince me. I cannot be swayed.

2. Too many ingredients / fancy “gourmet” “Pizzas”. No, I don’t want my Pizza looking like a recently loaded compost bucket. I don’t care that it has 5 different types of greens, olives, black olives, pine nuts, salmon, thin slices of almonds, onions, pesto, and to make it even worse – all on a thin crust. I just see a goopy disaster that¬†probably¬†tastes¬†nothing¬†like Pizza.

3. COLD. PIZZA. ew.

Pizza is supposed to be hot, but not too hot. You have to let it sit when they first bring it to you so the cheeses can settle. Eating it too hot will burn your tongue and invalidate the rest of the pizza. Or the cheese will be too melted and slide right off of it and you end up eating all the cheese first, it cannot be stopped. But when you eat it at just the right temperature, pizza is a magical food. So, why would anyone EVER eat cold pizza?! I didn’t even know it was a thing until I was an adult.

A long, long time ago. I had just moved to San Francisco. I was 19, about to turn 20 and it was the first time in my life I was living away from home and with roommates. To celebrate my first night in the new apartment, we had all ordered Pizza!

Two of my roommates ordered the wacky pineapple kind and the fancy kind from points 1 and 2 above. (ew as discussed before.) But my other roommate and I just got the classic pepperoni and cheese kind. It was from Mr Pizza Man and it was glorious. But none of us could finish it all. So away the left overs went to the fridge.

The next morning we were all hanging out and hungry. They decided to have left over Pizza. What I saw next was shocking! They had taken their slices out of the fridge and began eating it! Without heating it! Barf! Why?! I don’t get it?

At the time, we lacked a microwave, so I was unable to re-heat my pizza (Lauren Edit: because the stove was also broken? Oh no! What are 20 year old men to do without a microwave! Carry on…) so I was out of luck. But hungry, so I took a little nibble of a cold piece and it was just as nasty as I thought it would be. But the rest of my household noshed away, saying crazy thing like “MMM I LOVE COLD PIZZA!” and I was all poker faced and pretending to agree as I went back to the kitchen to figure out how to re-heat without a microwave.

In the end, I just threw it away. They finished theirs, and that same day I went to Best Buy and bought a microwave.

Problem solved for next time. The End.