Episode 19: For Fun or For Glory

Today’s episode was inspired by an old-ish article I read in NY Times titled “Why You Will Marry The Wrong Person.” Which is borderline click-bait, but ended up also being kind of amazing.

Turns out, putting up with someone’s annoying crap doesn’t = settling. It might just = marriage? But don’t worry! It also means someone is putting up with your annoying crap! It’s all a big circle.

We talk about this image in the podcast, so for your viewing pleasure here it is:



And, the excerpt that I read from the article is also here:

NY Times article excerpt

But, please, go read the article. It is so good. So much to think about! And then listen to the podcast (or listen and then go read it, either way really). Today is all about the reality of what being married means and then we do a little meta discussion on what it’s like to work creatively with each other. How do you share space on a project where there is unequal footing, yet you aim for total equality in life? Sometimes it gets tricky.

Episode 18: Frankenstein

This is the second episode of the season, but the first with a reader driven question. For some reason this struck a defensive nerve with Kamel and I even though we actually do an excellent job.

The question from the reader:

My biggest fear about having kids is that it will drastically and negatively alter my relationship with my partner. My question is: Does it? How do you deal with that? How do you maintain a strong, meaningful relationship with your partner after kids (especially little kids)?

And because I feel like this episode is a total mess and we may absolutely fail at actually answering the question, here are some bullet points – real world things we actually do to accommodate each other despite our children.

  • Guilt free time alone. Whether that is a movie or shopping or needing to hide in the bedroom to write (me). It is so important to gift your partner 100% resent-free space to still be a human. I think whether you have kids or not this is pretty major.
  • Being willing to take the kids places by yourself in order to give your partner space at home by themselves. This is different than the going out and about first bullet point. Because we all need to sit around in our sweats and not have to justify it. We all need to take long showers and paint our nails or finish a book or whatever, without being pestered.
  • Date nights and babysitters. Have many. Use them. It’s hard to use them, I know from experience. It is hard to ask for that. But it is SO AWESOME when you do and you leave the house together, without children, and then it’s like all you see are rainbows shooting out of each other’s eyes.
  • Ultimately be a team. Have inside jokes away from the kids. Steal their treats in the kitchen together behind your toddler’s back. Share knowing looks. Make out during nap time. Share a glass of wine after a successful bedtime. Celebrate each other. Be kind.

If anyone else has their own married-with-kids tips and tricks please comment. I will steal them all.

Episode 17: Season Two, Nice to Meet You

…And we’re back! Season 2 of the I’m Better In Real Life Podcast starts right now! Hooray!

Episode 16: The End of Season 1

This episode has been delayed for SO many reasons. The kids being sick, the perfect storm of birthday, traveling, and an INSANE two weeks of working an immense amount of hours. It left my little podcast last on my priority list.

But here we are. A whole season complete. Sixteen weeks of podcasting, sixteen different episodes. Thank you so much for going on this little experiment journey with me. There were some things that I super loved and some things I cringe at. Have I ever listened to a full episode after it’s been recorded? No. Will I ever? Probably not. My expectations for myself are too high and I already know I don’t meet them. But I’m getting there! I’m trying!

Season 2 will be back June 8th! That’s a hard and fast date, so get your podcast listening devices primed and ready. Until then, we will be recording new material, so please don’t stop sending us your relationship disputes, your marriage and life conundrums, or your straight up goofy confessions.

As always get at me by email: birlpodcast@gmail.com

… or by the show’s voicemail: 415 275 0551

Oh! And if the podcast drought is making you twitch, I have a second – parenting only – podcast that I am still recording every other Tuesday with my ladies Kelly and Hayley. You can catch the World’s Okayest Moms podcast on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Episode 15: Secret Shames Part 2

It’s the second to last episode of the season! And I have to say this is probably my second favorite of all time. I laughed so hard while listening to everyone’s calls! Your secret shames make you all amazing, hilarious, dorky, spectacular people! And it made my week to listen to these.

I hope everyone else feels empowered to be more vulnerable and feels more connected with the weirdos around us. Because, we’re all weirdos, one and all.

Episode 14: The Hunt

House hunting is the worst. Or, if you’re Kamel it is SO FUN and SO EASY. On this week’s episode we talk about our different approaches to this momentous event. Oh you know, it’s just the biggest purchase of our lives, in a market that shits on buyers. And in all of that I have to compromise with my partner. Insert gagging noise here. Oh marriage, how you challenge me.

Episode 13: Secret Shames, Part 1

We are a day late on the podcast – again. I figure late twice out of twelve is pretty good!

This week I am divulging some of my secret shames. The stuff I do that no one else knows I do. We all have them…. right? Otherwise this podcast is going to get pretty awkward real quick.

This is also another opportunity to participate in the podcast! What are your secret shames? To contribute your confessions, I mean stories/confessions just call our voicemail box: 415 275 0551

You can call and be anonymous, or not, you can tell me a long story, or just a short 1 word explanation of what your secret shames are. Don’t be afraid! If there was ever a place to overshare without judgement – this would be the place. Let us cringe with you, laugh along with me and everyone else.

Call the voicemail box by Wednesday, March 30 at noon Pacific time to be included! 

Episode 12: Is That What You’re Wearing?

To be totally honest, I am usually super, super nervous to start a podcast. I have recording stage fright every single time. I really have to psyche myself up, and Kamel can attest that sometimes I will cancel a recording session because I just can’t wrap my brain around it.

But this time! This time I was so excited to sit down with the mic and Kamel and get down to chatty relationship business! This episode is all about what happens when your partner looks schleppy. When is it ok to address that? How do you go about it? I know that in my own relationship, I have spent a lot of energy coaxing Kamel out of his deep dark clothing hole of free tshirts and all black and oversized. It was a process and at times it was actually really stressful. But now he owns a suit! And actually enjoys how he looks and the variety of clothes in his closet. How do you navigate the, “Is that what you’re wearing?”

Episode 11: The Best Birthdays

While prepping for this episode I had forgotten that for a lot of years I didn’t like my birthday. It’s awkward, you’re the only one getting presents, the expectations are really high, disappointment is inevitable to some degree, etc etc.

But sometimes, on those rare years, someone hooks you up and knocks it out of the park. Even though we have all had the shitty birthday years, I am so grateful for everyone who called in and shared their BEST birthday stories with me (and now you!). It has been the icing on a very hectic week over on our end, and I hope it makes sailing into the weekend that much sweeter.

Episode 10: Cheating Revisited

After one of our earliest podcast episodes (Episode 3: Cheaters), I got a lot of emails and messages on twitter and facebook about people’s experiences with cheating. It definitely struck a chord with many of you. Cheating and lying and all forms of infidelity is morbidly fascinating, heart breaking, and creates that icky sick feeling in my stomach all at the same time.

Today we are so, so lucky to have a guest on that discusses her relatively recent experience with emotional cheating. Can a marriage survive infidelity? What is emotional cheating and how does it manifest? What are your own hard lines for your marriage? And the ultimate marriage question: What would you do if actually faced with those hard lines?