Episode 26: The Shower Debate

Sometimes I begin a podcast thinking we’ll have something poignant to say and then it devolves into arguments over having time to make eggs for breakfast and taking long showers. This is one of those times

As a follow up – this morning Kamel got up at 530 and got showered and dressed before the kids got up. I also got up at 530 and prepped a bottle for Fae in case she woke up before 6 and I wouldn’t have to scramble. The kids chilled in their room until a little after 6:00. It was a great morning where everyone got to eat breakfast. Success!

Episode 25: A Subdued Nighttime Announcement

We have some exciting, daunting, not-quiet-yet-official news! But, you all have been along for the twisty turvy, nauseous ride – so we couldn’t leave you out now, could we?

Ps. I apologize for any grumpiness on my end during the podcast. Nighttime is not when I am my best self.

 

Episode 24: The Budget Crisis

Guess what everybody? Turns out Kamel has a weird view of our finances that *he* covers some stuff while *I* cover other stuff instead of it just being about who is responsible for not forgetting to pay which bill. But then turns out, that the idea of completely melting our hard earned money together is not my favorite concept. I mean, Kamel’s hard earned money as the “household” money is totally fine by me. But my money? That is … mine. Right?

How do you household? How do you budget and finance? We explain in what turned into a longer conversation than could have ever happened in 1 podcast (And will be a two part-er eventually) in this week’s episode!

Ps. Shout out to Laura who requested this topic!

Episode 23: Celebrations

This weekend we are (finally) going to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary! But it is really easy to neglect celebrating your partner in the face of LIFE and EXPENSES and SHOULD WE REALLY SPEND THE MONEY ON THAT?

The answer should be yes! But it isn’t always. This week, Kamel and I break down how we approach celebrations and how we should probably not neglect each other for Christmas, even though that seems like it is maybe becoming a trend. :/

Episode 22: Sponsored by Therapy

This week’s episode comes from a long time blog reader who is now engaged. Hooray! She wrote to me way back in April about tips and tricks on figuring out how to fight with your partner.

Learning to fight is a constant work in progress in our house and, I think, in many houses. Being compassionate and being able to listen even while pissed is a skill that takes practice and patience with yourself and others. Fighting in general is exhausting. Fighting while engaged? That’s a whole other pile of poop.

How have you learned to fight with your partner? What works for you and what doesn’t? Did you fight more than usual during engagement? We did! I only know from my experiences, so any other points of view are definitely encouraged!

(Also, this is a very well timed episode as our 5 year wedding anniversary is on Saturday! LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!)

Episode 21: Property Spouses, Part 2

On this week’s episode we share an update on house buying, share a few room mate horror stories, and hear from YOU! It is, honestly, so nice to hear that sometimes home buying actually works. It is also nice to hear about wacky homes up for sale that are secret prepper communes.

Home ownership remains intimidating to us. I know that once we start tackling projects, living and working within our very own space, and realizing we could/would/will be capable of managing such a large responsibility on our own, it will all feel like a big relief. But in the mean time we hold our breaths and hold each other’s hands more than push each other away through this crazy, sad, frustrating, exciting, adventurous journey. Thank you for riding along with us!

Episode 20: Property Spouses

The photo above is me, with one of our agents, at the first house we put an offer on. Now it is somebody else’s house.

After we recorded this episode, we found a house we thought would work and then promptly lost it. Even though we were the highest bidder, someone else waived more contingencies and they gave the house to them. Seattle is a similar market to San Francisco, only about 400k less. But just as wackadoo with low inventory.

House hunting has been rough on our marriage. Not in the “we should get divorced” way, but in the “I don’t even LIKE YOU RIGHT NOW” way. And feeling that a lot of the time is exhausting and draining. Maybe it won’t be like that for you, maybe you had a marvelous time shopping for homes. But for me, it has been one of the biggest challenges in our nearly 5 years together.

But enough about me. We want to hear from YOU. Join in on our sad sack gravy train. What are your moving stories? What are your room mate stories? What are your house buying stories? Tell me how you found your dream house, tell me about the bullets you’ve dodged, tell me about what a massive pain in the ass house hunting, apartment hunting, MOVING is. Do you have a story? I want to hear it. 

All stories are due by Monday, July 4th! 

Please call 415-275-0551. Message space is about 3 minutes. Call back as many times as you need! We will edit things together. 🙂

Without you, there is no episode. <3

Episode 19: For Fun or For Glory

Today’s episode was inspired by an old-ish article I read in NY Times titled “Why You Will Marry The Wrong Person.” Which is borderline click-bait, but ended up also being kind of amazing.

Turns out, putting up with someone’s annoying crap doesn’t = settling. It might just = marriage? But don’t worry! It also means someone is putting up with your annoying crap! It’s all a big circle.

We talk about this image in the podcast, so for your viewing pleasure here it is:

29botton-master768

Source.

And, the excerpt that I read from the article is also here:

NY Times article excerpt

But, please, go read the article. It is so good. So much to think about! And then listen to the podcast (or listen and then go read it, either way really). Today is all about the reality of what being married means and then we do a little meta discussion on what it’s like to work creatively with each other. How do you share space on a project where there is unequal footing, yet you aim for total equality in life? Sometimes it gets tricky.

Episode 18: Frankenstein

This is the second episode of the season, but the first with a reader driven question. For some reason this struck a defensive nerve with Kamel and I even though we actually do an excellent job.

The question from the reader:

My biggest fear about having kids is that it will drastically and negatively alter my relationship with my partner. My question is: Does it? How do you deal with that? How do you maintain a strong, meaningful relationship with your partner after kids (especially little kids)?

And because I feel like this episode is a total mess and we may absolutely fail at actually answering the question, here are some bullet points – real world things we actually do to accommodate each other despite our children.

  • Guilt free time alone. Whether that is a movie or shopping or needing to hide in the bedroom to write (me). It is so important to gift your partner 100% resent-free space to still be a human. I think whether you have kids or not this is pretty major.
  • Being willing to take the kids places by yourself in order to give your partner space at home by themselves. This is different than the going out and about first bullet point. Because we all need to sit around in our sweats and not have to justify it. We all need to take long showers and paint our nails or finish a book or whatever, without being pestered.
  • Date nights and babysitters. Have many. Use them. It’s hard to use them, I know from experience. It is hard to ask for that. But it is SO AWESOME when you do and you leave the house together, without children, and then it’s like all you see are rainbows shooting out of each other’s eyes.
  • Ultimately be a team. Have inside jokes away from the kids. Steal their treats in the kitchen together behind your toddler’s back. Share knowing looks. Make out during nap time. Share a glass of wine after a successful bedtime. Celebrate each other. Be kind.

If anyone else has their own married-with-kids tips and tricks please comment. I will steal them all.

Episode 17: Season Two, Nice to Meet You

…And we’re back! Season 2 of the I’m Better In Real Life Podcast starts right now! Hooray!