I dropped off the blog with no announcement. My book club schedule gone awry. Podcast… what podcast? What is even happening anymore?
I don’t know.
There are a good number of things I want to talk to you about. That I want to write about.
Things like… how I died my hair purple.
… how I LOVE IT.
… how I will never ever do it again.
Things like… what happened with my kitchen!
… how all of the construction finally ended.
… how now we have a space that feels more like me, like us, like ours.
… how the first summer in our home feels.
Things like… Fae is almost 2. She turns two on Thursday.
… how did that happen?
… how that is making me feel unaccomplished and frustrated.
So many things. So many marriage things I want to talk about on the podcast – which WILL return. With willpower. And time.
But I’m also enjoying feeling not rushed to the computer. Feeling like I don’t have 3 jobs. Feeling like I don’t even have time to think about what I think about, let alone write it down. There is no leisurely tea drinking, gazing out the window time over here. I have been so busy and feeling like I’m barely holding it all together. Barely squeaking past the deadlines, barely grabbing the kids on time from school. Barely making it to my bed before I fall asleep.
Kamel gets annoyed that I need to sleep so early. 9pm? Delicious. But I explain to him how I go hard all day, from the minute a child forces my eyes open, I am go go go. On the weekends we are up! and going! to the zoo! and to the store! and to the park! and snacks! and lunch! and naps! and yardwork! and laundry! and and and. During the week it is everyone to school, everyone to work, shoveling salad into my mouth in front of the computer, finding 45 minutes to sweat until I maybe feel like I’m going to barf. Kids. Dinner. Bath. Chasing babies in the backyard, beach towels, sprinklers, wiping down counters, folding more laundry, turn fans on, cracking open bedroom doors. Realizing I haven’t showered since….?
And being in it is good.
I want to be here too.
I’m finding my way back.
(TWO on THURSDAY. HOW.)