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Marriage

Real Life Conversation: Misogyny

In the car on the way home from work last Friday a real life conversation happened and half way through I was already crafting the blog post in my mind.

Kamel: You know, something interesting happened to me today. I saw my first ever Tesla with a woman driver!

Lauren: Oh fun!

Kamel: And… I have to admit something. My first impression of it was totally not good.

Lauren: …. why?

Kamel: Well… my first thought was that she was driving her husbands car. It’s AWFUL! I know! Why is that my first thought? Isn’t that bullshit? It’s just so pervasive and part of this weird gender thing that happens in society! But, I mean, there is no reason why that could not be her car. She looked professional and everything!

Lauren: It IS pervasive! It is everywhere! I definitely have my own assumptions on what “Soccer mom” cars look like and stuff.

Kamel: But really expensive cars I always assume a male owner/driver. Except for the Porsche Cayenne.

Lauren: Because that is totally the stay-at-home-mom-mobile!

Kamel: EXACTLY! And if I saw a man driving it I’d think…

Lauren: … oh, his car is in the shop. And his wife must be soooo annoyed.

Kamel: YES!

Lauren: Yeah, this is really fucked up.

Kamel: It is.

 

**Do you have secret gender norm ideas? What do you default to?

12 Comments

Love is…

A few weeks ago you coughed directly in my face and it woke me out of a dead sleep. A blast of warm-ish air and little flecks of moisture. I reflexively shoved the offending air blower away from me with outstretched arms. You slept through it mostly and just grumbled a bit as you rolled away from me. I hate it when you touch my feet with your feet, especially in bed. “Feet on feet!” I say. Feet on feet is a big no. You have this way of gently stabbing me with your toe nails on the soft underbelly of my arch. It is horrible. You think it is delightful. Sometimes when I’m peeking at something in the oven and you’re...

6 Comments

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Winging it? Question Mark?

Anything I was ever good at (anything I ever succeeded at is more accurate… good at might be a stretch) was because I just sort of walked into it. Stumbled into it, through it, oh this is where I am now. Not that I didn’t work hard or make the best of wherever I was whenever I was, but so many experiences in my little world could have been absolutely non-existent if I had actually thought and planned and followed a play book. In college I just did stuff. I just up and got an internship. Moved to North Carolina for the summer, stayed on Wake Forest’s campus. It was insane and expensive and lonely and oh god so so so hot. I took a...

11 Comments

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Oh Martyrdom

I feel overly sacrificial lately. Sharing my body, needing to be places, do things, put on the good face for others. The holidays, once you are a grown up, become about compromise. Would I have enjoyed spending the entire 2 week holiday hubub securely placed in bed? Staring at the wall? Doing nothing but getting up to pee every hour? Yes. Yes I would. What did we do instead? Had people in town, hosted and attended various Christmas celebrations, played tourist, bought a lot of cheese, ate a lot of cookies, ran errands, went to restaurants, and on and on. Good things, exhausting things, some things I didn’t feel like doing at all, but...

9 Comments

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The Perks

A few days ago I was secretly eating one of the chocolate bunnies that Kamel’s family  brings back for us from Mexico. And by us I think I really mean Kamel. I mean, I’m sure it is ok if I eat them too, but we all know that Kamel loves them the most most most. And then I thought about how sometimes the benefits of marriage are that I get the perk of being able to eat my husband’s special dessert when he isn’t looking. I mean, I could always have my own chocolate small furry animal, but I wouldn’t have known tiny chocolate mexican bunnies even existed if it weren’t for Kamel. It occured to me that these...

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What and Where is the Worth?

So much is written here and other places about the struggle of marriage. Sharing your life with someone – all of your life with them – is rough at times. It takes a lot of effort and thought, a lot of patience and kindness. But! it is also fantastic and absolutely worth all of the annoying, frustrating, tough times (if you’re in a good one). After I wrote the post on marriage not being the end zone, I received some comments abut how hard marriage seemed and how it doesn’t seem all that great from the outside. I think that happens because so much of what is talked about in mainstream society puts marriage as the happy...

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Who the hell is she?


Lauren

Seattle/Writer/Adventurer/Married to Kamel/Maker of many mistakes/Mom of 1 Gabriel and 1 TBD/Baker of things/Roaster of Vegetables/Maker of videos/Normal life photographer/Romantic/Irreverent/Honest

If you would like to chat with me or see what else I'm up to you can follow me on Twitter (betterinrealife), on facebook, or email me at betterinrealife at gmail.


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