Episode 32: Chores: We’re, Uh, Doing it Wrong?

It has officially been a year of podcasting! What? I feel like it’s been 5 years of podcasting. Ha. Not that I am an expert, but I haven’t I been doing this for way longer? Crazy.

On this episode we hear from YOU! With a Kamel and Lauren commentary track plus tangents. Things I learned:

  • We are apparently immature babies about doing chores and there is clearly a more elevated system we are not capable of.
  • Some of you have some SWEET setups!
  • I want in on that.
  • Everyone needs a house husband.

If any of you are also immature chore losers, or of the elevated variety, please discuss in comments! I am genuinely fascinated by how others manage to do the dirty work of life.

10 thoughts on “Episode 32: Chores: We’re, Uh, Doing it Wrong?”

  1. this was a fun listen! Although I think you underestimate how much your contributors fight and/or give their partner passive aggressive hints to their partner to do their chores vs. you and Kamel. We need to have them come back and weigh in on the fights/disagreements that led to the arrangements as they currently stand 🙂

    1. Yup, I know in our house there is plenty of conflict – overt or not – about chores! So I don’t think it’s “weird” to fight about it. I actually love how openly you guys are able to call each other out calmly (at least on the podcasts) and discuss issues. I hope to model that – being nice and assertive without being a jerk. Anyway, thanks for a fun episode!

      1. The morning after recording I came downstairs and Kamel had his used socks spread loveingly across the arm of the couch and I said “SEE YOUR SOCKS NOT MINE.” And then he was like “OH YEAH? Well look at that tea cup and that thing over there and there and there.” And then it devolved into stomping as I left the room, so… yay chores?

        1. Ha, I know that fight. Mostly we just know not to go there anymore, because when we sit down and discuss it calmly, we can see that each person has their weak spots and their things they are sensitive to/notice more… and it evens out. So when he brings up my random receipt on the floor I bring up his crumbs on the counter and then we agree to leave it at that. Unless one of us is looking for trouble, in which case, yeah clear the room!

  2. I listened to this while driving home. You guys crack me up. Put Gabe to work!

    I think we’re pretty equitable but we do struggle with the “I think I do more than you because I don’t see you doing things”. Justin prefers to power through everything all in one enormous push, and I prefer to do things here and there, so our chore styles definitely differ. I think they might be fairly complimentary. We need to vacuum way more often. With 4 animals, it’s like having 4 perpetual babies but with less crying.

  3. We recently had our national Census, and Lovely Husband was slightly shamefaced when he added up the amount of domestic activities he ‘actually’ does. Yes, thank you government-sponsored guilt-trip!

    1. Now I’ve listened all the way through – wanted to mention there is plenty of the passive aggressive going on here too. We take turns on the dishes but I literally ‘tag – you’re it’ or he wouldn’t notice it was his turn… plus he lets the clean stuff sit in the dishwasher for aaaaages and only empties it when heaps of other stuff has accumulated and he’s ready to start a new load (which could be days, frankly)… whereas I empty it as soon as it’s dry and put stuff in as I go. Infuriatingly, he’ll put stuff on the bench right above the open dishwasher instead of just slipping it in because “it’s not my turn and you don’t do that when it’s my turn” – ugh, if the damned thing was empty I’d put it straight in! It’s honestly like I’m living with my siblings again with the small, petty paybacks.

      The other thing is, we’re both prone to the defensive accusations as well – if I ask that he does something better/different, he’ll point out something I’ve done wrong, and vice versa. Trying very hard to stop this though.

  4. Ack! 1. Why did it take me two weeks to listen to this?! And 2. Why did my phone call cut off! (You were totally correct, though– I was going in the direction of ‘whoever cooks doesn’t wash.’)

    So, all attempts at wave-making aside (haha!) I do still think we’re pretty fair. I wanted to clarify that Lindi works part-time from home but ALSO part-time out of the house, not just the former. But she does have a little more flexibility in being home since I have set hours at an office. Anyway, although I do the laundry and the trash, the trash is a once-a-week thing and the laundry is probably only two loads a week (since we don’t- yet!- have babies.) She does all the cooking, which probably takes at least half an hour to an hour every evening, and does the bathrooms, floors, and anything that is a ‘special project’ like taking down the Christmas tree, hanging up a light, painting the bathroom, etc. My only ‘everyday’ chores are dishes (ugh) and the cat litter, which only takes about five minutes.

    Anyway, we’re not perfect either. I don’t get the dishes done all the way every day (though I should and I’m constantly trying to get better about that!) But overall our system works for us. (I do know that sorting the mail is also my job and I’m the worst about it, and that definitely annoys Lindi! But since I’m the bill-payer she doesn’t want to throw anything away, haha! And I remember once we got into a giant fight about a messy kitchen after we first started living together seven or eight years ago. So, I guess we’re only… 98% perfect? 😛 )

    Also, I would totally be uncomfortable being home if we had a housekeeper because I would feel like I had to keep apologizing for anything that was messy. Although we did have a friend who came to visit once who emptied and scrubbed out our fridge for us (because she thought it would be fun?!) and it was the besssssssst. She did it while I was at work, though!

    I also wanted to say that listening to your podcast feels like I’m hanging out with you and Kamel in your kitchen (or… wherever you are recording!) for half an hour and that’s the best. I’m so happy to have been a part of it!

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