Nobody Else But You

Last week (and like three posts down because oh the state of this blog and the state of my no time at all for anything) I had a podcast about house hunting. Buying home right now in Seattle is a bear. And that is the kindest way I can put it.

It is so much work, it is so much time, it is so much stress. And with our already very full plates, it adds stress to a pretty thick stress-sandwich. In the podcast I talked about how Kamel and I have a different approaches to the process, how we have different take aways from the experience. Sometimes it has caused tension. His interpretation is different than mine. He is this thing called “a different person” than I am. And I have to take his needs, wants, desires, expectations into “consideration” because we are “married” and “sharing a life together.” How inconvenient.

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Last weekend we were on one of our many many (many many) house view expeditions. We have spent so much gas driving from neighborhood to neighborhood not liking homes, let me tell you. My approach to house hunting is serious. This is serious business. It is strategy and trying to be the first to jump on opportunities. It is trying to look into the magic 8 ball that lives in my head and see how our family’s lifestyle will grow and change and adapt to whatever house set up we buy. It’s a lot of mental energy for me trying not to fuck this up. And last weekend Kamel and I were driving to a house and we were chatting about our expectations and Kamel said, “I’m so happy I get to do this with you. I wouldn’t want to do this with anybody else.”

Aw, thanks Kamel. Same! (I said.)

But, like, what else do you say to that? It was true, but it was also just a response.

And overall, it was a disappointing day. I was hoping to leave that day with the rush of wanting to put an offer on a house, but instead we went home going back and forth on, “Did we like it? No? We’re sure? We’re sure. Ugh.” But you know what? I am so grateful for Kamel’s positivity. I am so grateful for his ability to make fun of his complete inability to remember how to pronounce different neighborhoods around Seattle, his ability to poke fun at his own excitement, his ability to poke fun at my ever present terror bubbling just at the surface of my being. He makes me a better person and he takes care of me without even trying, he does it by just being him.

Marriage is dumb in so many ways. The constant compromising and the co-everything and the sharing (my god the sharing). But I wouldn’t want to do it with anybody else but him. And thank god I am sharing this experience with Kamel. I probably would rent forever if I didn’t have my buddy.

4 thoughts on “Nobody Else But You”

  1. As the Kamel in my relationship, this is so heartening to hear! So often I say something positive and my partner looks at me like I have 3 heads… He is slowly becoming someone who experiences worry as opposed to a ball of worry all the time, so maybe I’m helping? (In reality people change, but I will take credit, thankyouverymuch)

  2. I don’t know if this will be comforting or even more madness-inducing, BUT — the house we just bought, and love, was our second choice. The day we saw it, I was SO underwhelmed. Like, TOTAL BLAHS walking around, I just wasn’t into it, it just didn’t grab me. We hemmed and hawed, and walked away from it for two weeks. We put an offer on a different house that just hit everything perfectly on our wishlist…and lost it even when offering them asking price. We hemmed and hawed more, pulled up the House We Were Meh About on the portal again, and were like, let’s put an offer in, because this has Some Stuff We Like, and just….I’m SO GLAD WE DID. I’m so glad I was like, maybe I could love it. Because I love it now. I guess the moral of the story being, sometimes, the first impression of a place isn’t always the best one. I told Patrick the other day how glad I am we ended up losing that first house, because this one is so much better now in my eyes. Now I feel like that might cause you even more anxiety, not less!You will find the right place. Or, you will make it the right place. But god, it’s so stressful.

  3. This is ridiculously adorable. I am already so frustrated by house hunting and we have only been seriously looking for a month! I could probably write a novel about how stupid the Chicago housing market is. My husband was the one who convinced me we shouldn’t rent forever and I am starting to really regret that conversion. But new house! Could be amazing! Just have to wade through all this stress garbage first.

  4. Hi Lauren,
    Just chiming in to say my husband and I did house hunting last year – for 11 months. There were fights, let downs, maybes stress and loss of faith. And then, on the eve of my due date with our second child, we found The One. It was so crazy to buy and sell and give birth but it was worth it. Hang in there. When you finally find the right house, it will be amazing and it will make for an epic story.

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