Breastfeeding is coming to an end for us… forever. So weird.
No more babies? <insert face of panic here>
No more pregnancy? Sore nipples? Expando body? Decreased time? And increased obligation to others? <insert sigh of relief here>
This time around was better than with Gabe. It was fine with Gabe, I think I made it to 4 months before supplementing and close to 5? before drying up completely? I wasn’t sure what the problem was. I didn’t have any supply issues before going back to work, so I figured it was a lackluster pump. Maybe not enough time at home establishing a good supply? Maybe it was because I only had time to pump twice a day at work instead of three times
Well this time I had 4 months at home exclusively breastfeeding before shipping Fae off to daycare. And this time I have a very very sucky pump. Sucky in a good way. Super suction with a dial I can CRANK UP. And do. Often. I am at home and pump FOUR times a day. But… if I hadn’t had as big of a freezer storage as I had, I would already need to supplement. In the first few weeks everything was fine. I pumped plenty and sometimes she would leave a bottle untouched and I would carry it over to the next day. But as show grows, she get’s hungrier. I can pump 16 oz a day on average. Sometimes 18. But sometimes only 12. And on the low days Fae needs another 3-4 ounces. She needs another pump, but if I also need to be able to nurse her when she gets home, that’s the best I can do. Otherwise, she’ll be hungry before bed. Blech.
So pumping and me? We just don’t get along. I have absolutely no issues when it’s just nursing. But when I add in a mechanical contraption… slowly, over a not-so-long period of time, my supply drops and drops and drops.
On top of that, pumping SUCKS. I am trapped to my machine! If I am not in a place to pump, I am for sure dipping into my freezer storage, with no ability to replenish.
So for the stress and the time commitment, I am so excited to be done. But for the end of this cuddly baby era, the falling asleep on my chest, the magic of being able to sustain another human with my own body (and it is so bizarre, truly), I’m sad. I know that once weaning is done I will have a new level of freedom and Fae will still be fed and all will be well… but for now, womp.
Formula and starting solids is just around the corner. I will have made it to exclusively breast feeding until 6 months. This was 100% about my own personal “See if I can actually do it this time around” game. Feeding your child is always the most important part of this, no matter how you go about it.
So long pumping. You mean mean necessity. So long breastfeeding. On to high chairs and making my own baby food and and… growing up.