Episode 3: Cheaters

Welcome to the first official episode about relationships with guest contributor, Kamel. He also happens to be my husband. This week we are talking about cheating! Specifically: Can someone actually go a solid amount of time without knowing that they are being cheated on? Can that actually happen?

Let me know what you think and who you agree with more by using the hashtags #teamLauren or #teamKamel.

6 thoughts on “Episode 3: Cheaters”

  1. I think people HAVE to know. Like, even if you’re totally going to ignore that gut feeling and intuition — at some level, you know. (No, not all people I’m sure… but I’m guessing that’s the more likely scenario.) Even if you are outside of that couple, just a friend peering in, you can sometimes sense it. You just get that feeling of, “Oooh something is NOT right there…”

    Side note: I TOTALLY take vacations without my husband 😉 And I encourage him to take solo trips! Although he doesn’t really, ha.

    1. I mean, my marriage is proof that sometimes people outside looking in are dead wrong. I’ve had several people think things were up that weren’t. And let me tell you, it’s EXHAUSTING to have to defend against people who feel the need to let us know they’re sure one of us is just not seeing everything.

      1. Oh no, the “outsider peering in” definitely isn’t always right… and I should say, if I DO get that sense about a couple? I keep my damn mouth shut, because it ain’t my business.

  2. I feel like it’s an even split of complete blindside, denial of suspicions, and actively turning a blind eye (because of comfort or fear, etc). I think when that cheating website list got released there were quite a few discussions about cheating and there were a mix of reactions.

    Sometimes it’s a lifestyle thing. If you’re a rockstar and on the road for three months, if you’re a FIFO partner and have a week on and a week off at home, if you’re on business trips – then it’d be very easy to hide because the typical cheating signals would be masked in legitimate reasons.

    I think it also depends on the way the core relationship functions as well. If you marry your best friend and get all your emotional/sexual needs met by that one person it would be more obvious if someone was drawing away and starting to go to another person to satisfy their emotional/sexual needs. If you have a different core relationship then it may be less obvious.

    I don’t know.

    My mum cheated with a woman and my Dad never found out. They got divorced any way for different reasons.

  3. I have been both cheated on, and (unknowingly) the other girl. With the same guy! (I was young, give me a break.)

    So, at the start of our relationship, he’d told me he’d broken up with his previous girlfriend before coming to college. (So, say August.) We started dating in September. Ask HER, though, and she’ll say they broke up the following January.

    In that instance, I don’t think he was carrying on both relationships at the same time – we lived on the same campus and other than sleeping and class were barely out of each other’s company. I think it was more a case of her holding on to something that wasn’t there. Either way, they’d CLEARLY not “officially broken up” before they left for their different schools.

    Skip down the road 3 years and we’re going along just fine. He goes on a trip with one of his classes over the holidays. Comes back, and is pissed off that I want to see him that night. (Um, ok? You’ve been gone for 2 weeks?) And then suddenly a friend who’d been on the trip won’t meet my eye. I finally get the friend pinned down and ask what the hell is going on and he tells me to ask my guy “about Natalie”.

    Yep, he’d cheated on the trip. And had continued it when they got back.

    I had no clue. For me, it came totally out of the blue.

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