A Friendly, Grocery Store Etiquette PSA

If you see a mom shopping at the grocery store with a wailing toddler in the cart, here are some things not to do:

1.) Do not roll up on the pair, without addressing the mom (even with a sympathetic look), and start talking to the wailing toddler.

2.) Do not get down on the toddler’s level, ignoring the mom completely, and start talking to the toddler about how it’s ok to have feelings. How everyone is sad sometimes, and how everything is going to eventually be ok.

3.) How about just don’t talk to the toddler at all.

4.) How about just letting the mom pick out carrots, alone, and let her deal with her shit-head toddler who is already making her wish she were invisible by sobbing and calling for “daddy.”

5.) Do not encourage your very own toddler to address the crying toddler and reiterate how, “everything is going to be ok.” And definitely don’t say stuff like, “Tell him, tell him it’s all going to be ok.” Because that is weird, and awkward, and fucked up, and also what the fuck do you know random mom at Safeway?!

If you see a mom at the grocery store shuttling around a wailing small child, trying to get through her grocery list, here are some things to do:

1.) Nothing. Leave them alone.

2.) Maybe…. you can give them a sympathetic… solidarity, stay strong, fist pump as you roll past.

3.) But really, nothing is probably best.

Thank you.

3 thoughts on “A Friendly, Grocery Store Etiquette PSA”

  1. whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. What. Seriously, how do you not release the snark on these people? I don’t understand that at ALL. And what, lady, is your kid some magical toddler that behaves perfectly all of the time like a sweet angel? I just deleted another 3 lines of rant, because wtf.

  2. Oh Lauren, once again you are living my life. Last week, I had a cashier offer my toddler chocolate while he was in full meltdown mode. Thanks for making me the bad mom who refuses to give her kid chocolate, lady. This was followed by nonstop ‘dada dada, dada, dada’. Good times. A solidarity fist bump would have been appreciated. When this happens, I can’t help but ask, how the heck do single parents do it?

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