Well The Fish Died

Sunday night the fish finally kicked it. After we spent $50 on guilt-upgrading its tank. After buying a 2.5 gallon new house, with new fruity-pebble-looking gravel, and a new pump for cleaning… the fucking fish DIED.

It had been chillin’ at the bottom of the tank for a while. If I wiggled the tank it would swim around again. Until Sunday when it wouldn’t move from one corner of the gravel floor. Even when we wiggled it. Even when Gabe continually told it to, “wake UP! wake UP!” when we told him we couldn’t bother the fish right now, that it was sleeping.

Kamel kept looking at me with a grim face.

“It doesn’t look good,” he’d say.

Well… I didn’t know how to keep it alive anymore. I got it a new house! But I think it was too late.

And of course the fucking fish died right before bed.

I started telling Gabe, “Oh, well he died honey.” But Gabe just kept insisting the fish wake up, so I switched to a more age appropriate tactic and Monday morning when the tank was empty we told him the fish was at the doctor? Yeah, the doctor. And he’d be back once Gabe got home from school. He kept asking to be picked up so he could investigate the empty tank. Yup, that fish went to the doctor.

When we flushed it after Gabe went to bed I did thank him for being my kid’s first pet. And I did apologize for probably totally fucking it up and being a terrible keeper of fish. Sorry fish.

But wow, fish doctor’s are pretty fantastic. Look how young and viral this one looks. It still even has all its fins! And through our fish doctor insurance it only cost us $7. Pretty excellent PetSmart coverage if I do say so myself.


**Update: The fish above FUCKING DIED TOO. UGH. About 20 minutes after introducing him to Gabe. Awesome. This is really not fun anymore.

**Update 2: The fish had a SECOND COMING. And after leaving it, seemingly dead, in the tank overnight because it was too close to Gabe’s bedtime to create hubub, IT LIVES! This morning it LIVES! From completely sideways, floating at the top, unmoving, to swimmin’ around like a damn water ballerina! IT’S AN EASTER MIRACLE!

6 thoughts on “Well The Fish Died”

  1. This had me laughing. And really – you kept that fish alive a LONG damn time (in fish years it was probably like, 99).

    The 2nd fish…well, that was just a dick move on his part.

  2. Damned fish!

    (FWIW, my betta only lived 3 yrs because I practically never changed the water. I’d get ‘tude up the wazoo every time I changed it and he acted dead too…. This is why fish are terrible pets.)

  3. I think that fish is going to keep you guys guessing… I bet he’s trying to make a break for the wide world of the sewers, and wants to see if you’ll fall for the fake out. That, or its a wussy fish that has fainting spells. “oh my lawdy fresh water whatever shall I doooooooo”

  4. EASTER MIRACLE! I love everything about this post, except the fish dying part obviously. But how dare it really, I mean you bought it a whole new HOUSE, and the market these days is so pricey!

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