I was horribly nervous all morning. I thought for sure I’d have to interrupt the tech in order to go throw up. I almost passed out in the elevator to the doctor’s office. But once I could lay down on the table and the tech was showing us our baby, who was all curled up, seemingly asleep, I felt calm.
There was the spine and the heart and the femurs. There were the little hands giving us a thumb’s up. The night before I had had a dream that it was a girl and in my dream my dream self said to me, Lauren! It’s a girl! You knew all along! Why are you so worried? When I woke up I didn’t necessarily feel better, but I was thinking about that dream the whole time we were getting Gabe up, handing him off to Claire for the morning, and driving over.
The tech knew we were hoping for a girl but for most of the appointment our baby was not in a good position for seeing the goods, so she did her other work, the measuring and the blood flow monitoring and all of that.
And then she very calmly said, “Well, I’ve had a look and it looks like you’re having a little girl.”
And just like that it was done. We knew. My joy was bigger than my relief. And I kept thinking Fae. Fae is in there and she was in there all along and I knew it.
A little later she looked again, confirming yet again that my daughter was inside me.
Fae Lira, coming July 2015. My daughter.