So much is written here and other places about the struggle of marriage. Sharing your life with someone – all of your life with them – is rough at times. It takes a lot of effort and thought, a lot of patience and kindness. But! it is also fantastic and absolutely worth all of the annoying, frustrating, tough times (if you’re in a good one). After I wrote the post on marriage not being the end zone, I received some comments abut how hard marriage seemed and how it doesn’t seem all that great from the outside. I think that happens because so much of what is talked about in mainstream society puts marriage as the happy ending, the goal to a successful life, the destination. You say your vows and roll credits – that’s a wrap! And that is 100% completely and utterly false. A wedding is a beginning not an end, and the road is bumpy and full of pot-holes and cliffs with no guard rails. But the views can be spectacular and I wouldn’t miss the pitstops for the world.
So what are the good things? What makes this whole thing worth it?
It is often in the small things, a hand on your thigh, on the small of your back, someone to dance with in the living room, a look across a crowded bar, waking up to someone every day.
It’s how Kamel makes me a better person, challenges me in all the right ways, doesn’t let me off the hook for things, knows me in a way that no one else does. We care for each other, we don’t let each other fail and sometimes that means holding each other to a certain standard and making sure we reach that standard. And I’m ok with that. If my marriage is all “Lauren, you best be nice! And not bitchy! And forgiving! And learn to praise people!” Then I’ll take it.
I also greatly enjoy sharing the business of life. UGH, MAN, the business of life! Is so! Exhausting!! Marriage and having a partner is awesome because now there is someone else to pay the cell phone bill and all my food doesn’t go bad because no one sells food for single people (which is really fucking annoying), and my strengths in life can be nurtured (like folding laundry and cleaning the bathroom), while my failures are as if they never happen (like taking out the garbage and doing the dishes) because I never have to do them again! Those are now someone else’s problem. MARRIAGE IS AMAZING FOR THOSE 2 THINGS ALONE. Life is complicated and having someone to take on some of that burden is a massive plus.
What else? Marriage is awesome because I genuinely really love hanging out with my husband. It is the greatest! I love spending time with him, he has made me laugh until I’ve peed, until I am crying hysterically, until I SNORT in public! He is always up to watch a movie or go for a walk (this one took some training) or explore a new part of any city.
My favorite thing about s is the complete lack of jealousy. I am also really proud of our willingness to grow as people, always moving forward. The silliness, we are silly and fun and the hard parts of life never seem that hard when we are doing them together.
There are so many great things, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. It doesn’t mean I don’t cry or say things I wish I didn’t or sometimes wish I wasn’t married at all. It doesn’t mean that sometimes I really would like to punch him right in the nose. It doesn’t mean we always get a long.
ButI love him, I love our marriage, I am so grateful for this life that feels sometimes like it came out of nowhere. We are lucky and at the same time we work hard for what we have. The worth of our marriage is priceless as long as we stay diligent within it.
What are the great things about your partnership? What do you cherish the most about sharing your life with someone else? What parts make the hard parts so so so worth it? It’s important to brag every now and then. Boast about what makes you and your partner and the life you are building together awesome.