Things I Wish I Could Really Do In Real Life But Are Unfortunately Just Exaggerations

Burn every piece of clothing that makes me feel frumpy. Burn it!

Literally live next door to every single person I’ve ever said “I wish I could live next door to you!” to.

Speak french. (I mean, let’s just be honest about this statement, mmkay?)

Enjoy vegetables.

Flip my work desk over in a show of frustration. (Then! have it magically go back to normal as if nothing at all has happened.)

Kiss all the people I’ve ever said, “I could just kiss you right on the mouth for that!” to. (Or you know, a variation on that sentence.)

Sleep all day.

Eat an entire batch of homemade anything. Preferably cupcakes.

Eat an entire jar of nutella.

Live in every single place I have ever said, nonchalantly, “I could live here.”


9 thoughts on “Things I Wish I Could Really Do In Real Life But Are Unfortunately Just Exaggerations”

  1. These are so good!! I would love to just get in my car and drive into the sunset (where? What would I do there? Doesn’t matter, it’s the drive). Also, sweep everything off my desk and make out with someone in a fit of passion (and have everything return back magically).

    I came dangerously close to sleeping all day the other day it was glorious.

  2. Magically have all of my readings for grad school done And understand everything.

    Speak Italian.

    Eat junk food all day — reeses, oreos, cookie dough, sour patch kids, doritos, etc.

    Go shopping like a celebrity and just drop thousands of pretend dollars and still get to keep all the clothes and shoes and accessories.

    Be able to see my bestie in Grand Rapids ever week instead.

  3. But there could be joy in the attempting. I’d also find an incredibly amount of satisfaction in the planning – especially to live somewhere else. Have you ever thought through the actual mechanics of flipping the desk, just how much force it’d require?

  4. Eat cake from our favorite bakery forever.

    Go camping every weekend.

    Read every book about which I’ve ever said ‘I want to read that book’– right away.

    Have someone come in every day and wash our dishes.

    Live in Italy.

    Have a whole room in our house dedicated to a climbing maze for our cats.

    Eat chocolate for breakfast every day.


  5. Live in Paris for a year

    Have fresh bread delivered to my door every morning (no, seriously, this would be the best)

    see my family and friends whenever i want to, and not once or twice a year

    be given one day (just ONE DAY) where I can tell a couple of people exactly what I think of them, consequence-free

    be able to make it a full week without chipping my manicure

    go on a gigantic shopping spree and end the day rolling around in my loot, tossing shoes and purses and blouses in the air saying “yessssssssssssssss” like gollum when he finally got the ring

    Eat spaghetti bolognese at least twice a week without my husband staging a revolt

  6. When I’m stuck in ridiculous, I daydream about holding down my car horn until everyone eventually clears my way. “What is that SOUND? Oh, she’s not going to give up. Just let her through and save my ears!”

Leave a Reply