It’s been 2 months since my last
confession update on Gabe. I really enjoyed the break from monthly reporting. It was lovely to talk mostly about job stuff, life stuff, marriage stuff, the me stuff. So much of my brain every single day is in mom-land. I think about what to feed him, I wonder if he is napping well, I think about making dinner, if I remembered to wash his good pants, hoping he had a good day, and on and on. It is nice to not have this space be mom-land 24/7.
But then, ya know, he is a giant part of my life and he is kind of unbelievably exciting. He walks now. He toddles around all over the place. He prefers walking and gets frustrated when we carry him. He wants to be set freeee!
But my god, walking with him is tedious. He is distracted by every little thing. Walking with him is not about getting from point A to point B, it is about discovery! Adventure! Taking the long way! Ooo look a tiny piece of paper on the carpet! Must investigate! Every single day he marches down our hallway toward the elevator. Every single day he must walk across the neighbor’s welcome mat. Some days he tries to jiggle their door knob and I say, “No honey, we don’t live there,” and guide him away. I’m hoping the neighbors find us endearing.
He also likes to sit on everything. He kind of circles an object like a dog circles an area he is about to snuggle into. He circles and then slowly backs into whatever it is – a shoe, my leg, a toy, things that make absolutely no sense whatsoever to sit on – and then slowly sits down. Sometimes it works out and he stands up and tries to sit on it again and again, plop plop plop. Sometimes it doesn’t work out and he falls, or sitting on it sucks and he will cry at the injustice of not having an adequate chair. He is totally a weirdo.
He says “Uh oh!” and a weird version of “Hello!” and he is becoming clearer with the “mama” and “dada” stuff. I actually think he is calling my name now vs just saying the word at random objects.
He gives me big open mouth kisses on my cheek or (surprisingly!) on my mouth if I pucker up in front of him. HA! That was a shocker. He blows kisses, he’ll give puppies a kiss in picture books if I ask him to, and the other day at daycare he saw a little boy crying so he went over and tried to give him a truck to make him feel better.
He also tantrums, throws himself on the floor, hates being told no, and had to be gated off from the garbage/recycling because he was obsessed with pulling all of the paper/kleenex/cans out of our paper recycling bags. He is about 2 steps above a very rambunctious puppy.
I am mostly just completely shocked with how much I really do love him. I think at first he started out as this helpless blob that I felt great responsibility for, but now things are just different. I really like him, I think he’s funny and spunky and he makes me laugh. I guess he has always made me laugh, but now he also makes himself laugh and that makes me love him extra.
I never wish for him to be any other age than he is right this second. I don’t begrudge him the ability to walk even though it means I run after him, I don’t wish him to be the broken human of newborn-ness (although awww he was such a tiny little tree frog and I loved that Gabe Version 1.0 so much!), and as much as I am excited to have real person conversations with him, I love this time of weird little sounds and first little words and all the “Uh! Oh!”s I can get.
I just love him. It fills me until I could burst.