Some days you wake up to great news for someone else that reminds you of the annoying details of your own life. You wake up and that’s the first thing you see. And you are like “Wow that is awesome” on the inside but “ugh” on the inside and that just is the way it is.
Sometimes there are no rainbows or magical bubbles floating around in a field. Sometimes there is just what the fuck and your kid throwing his pacifier on the ground and then hating you for not picking it up for him. There is the part where he is mad at you and it is the first part of the morning, the part where you walk into his room to save him from his crib and he throws himself backwards to prevent you from picking him up even though you are singing, “Good morning, good morning…” and he whacks his head on his crib and cries even harder because now not only are you not picking up his pacifier you are also hurting him, probably on purpose. Except of course you aren’t, and why oh why can’t he just be happy to see you and stop with all of the dramatics?
Then a shitty email happens and the shitty email reminds you of work you’ve done for free, and what the godamnfuck? But! You choose to not engage, because it isn’t worth it. Instead you stew in it for like 3 hours because you just can’t shake the totally taken-advantage-of-feeling you totally brought on yourself and what were you even thinking with agreeing to that? Ugh.
And then you notice something dumb. Something on Facebook that makes you feel invisible. Invisibility happens so much more frequently than you ever thought possible. How do you do that thing where you just don’t exist to some people? It’s not a very fun magic trick and you wish you’d stop accidentally performing it.
And of course unexpected things pop up, as they often do in life, but this time you are totally unraveled because it just isn’t a good day. It isn’t even noon and the day has already been labeled No Good Very Bad. Sometimes you just have to call it: This day is not going to be a good one. You have to call it and embrace it and try to move forward.
By 4:30 nothing has gotten done that you wanted to get done because instead of having a normal day, it has been a No Good Very Bad one and all of your energy has been trained on not giving into the terribleness of it, even though you had previously agreed to just embrace it and move forward.
Harder to do than you’d think.
And that was Monday. And it was dumb and I don’t want to do it again. Today is Tuesday and somehow that means something better, it needs to mean something better.