Holding Pattern

November until January was a period in time when the world was on fast forward for me. Bambam family trip to Mexico city, bambam no more job for me, bambam organizing several vendors who would be moving us to Seattle, bambam apartment hunting, apartment getting, backing everything up, shipping off our car, boarding a 1-way flight, bambambam Christmas, New Years, moving into our current place.

And then … the pause button.

It hasn’t totally felt like pause, not the boring kind. We had unpacking to do, figuring out Gabe’s daycare, job applications, new routines to manage, an interview here and there, Gabe’s Birthday, AWP, Miami. Oh, plus the never ending run of illnesses (Currently on tap: Roseola! Let’s here it for the childhood CLASSICS).

But… the ellipses never end.

The pauses…

The waiting…

The other parts of my world that are on delay…

Sigh… fill out an application… wait… check e-mail… wait…

The part where I’m watching the months slip by and in a couple weeks I turn 29 and I thought for sure I’d have a job by now (I said at the beginning of March), or by NOW (I said yesterday). The hypothetical future planning gets pushed farther and farther away.

“Well maybe before Gabe is 2,” turns into, “Hopefully before Gabe is 3.”

“We’ll only need to be in this apartment for 2 years if we can save ____ amount” turns into “We’ll at least be here for probably 3 years, regardless.”

The business of life is chugging away, but the motion of life is stuck in the turn-style. I know it is just the way things go. I know that eventually the … will turn into !!! but in the mean time I’m scratching my head trying to think of what to write about here, trying to find jobs I haven’t yet applied for out there, and the clock ticks just a millisecond slower.

7 thoughts on “Holding Pattern”

    1. Oh yes, there are lots of good things happening now. The only bad thing is the stuck part. But eventually, some day, hopefully any day now, that should change. Just gotta keep it real!

  1. Oh I know this all to well. After being laid off (2 years ago this month actually, wow) I had no idea what I was doing. I went on so many job interviews. So so many. So many 2nd interviews…all to get the same response, just phrased differently each time. And now I find myself right there again. Will I get into grad school? what do I do if I don’t? Waiting waiting waiting…

    It makes me think of this one part in my favorite Dr. Seuss book, “Oh the Places You’ll Go”
    “You can get so confused
    that you’ll start in to race
    down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
    and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
    headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
    The Waiting Place…

    …for people just waiting.
    Waiting for a train to go
    or a bus to come, or a plane to go
    or the mail to come, or the rain to go
    or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
    or waiting around for a Yes or a No
    or waiting for their hair to grow.
    Everyone is just waiting.

    Waiting for the fish to bite
    or waiting for wind to fly a kite
    or waiting around for Friday night
    or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
    or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
    or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
    or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
    Everyone is just waiting.

    NO!
    That’s not for you!

    Somehow you’ll escape
    all that waiting and staying.
    You’ll find the bright places
    where Boom Bands are playing.

    With banner flip-flapping,
    once more you’ll ride high!
    Ready for anything under the sky.
    Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!”

    The last part — that’s the part that keeps us (or at least me) going. Keep your chin up Lauren and keep pressing. You’re not the waiting kind of girl.

  2. Those types of months are always weirdly frustrating. The days slog by, you feel like you are at once busy AND unproductive, and then suddenly… a whole month goes by in the blink of an eye. I mean, how is it April??

  3. amen! I’m in pretty much the exact same place-ish after our big move post- (except for I wanted to stay home for a bit at first). Now I’m ready to reenter the adult world, and it seems like it’s taking forever. I’m trying to appreciate the days at home with the baby, but sigh…that’s sometimes hard. I know once I get a job though, I’ll be wistful for these days. Isn’t that always the way it is?

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