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Bye Baby Gabe

I really did not think I would give a shit when my kid turned 1. I mean, yay tomorrow you’re 1 Gabe! I thought that’s how I would feel. Every month has been a milestone, so what is 1 more?

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That’s the first morning home from the hospital. I’m writing on the computer in front of me and he is sleeping in my lap. Right after I took this photo he pooped all over me and our sheets.

So now that he is turning 1 tomorrow, why am I crying right now? I am happy we didn’t kill him. I am happy he can play with me and doesn’t only sleep and eat and poop. I am happy that he took 3 steps this week. I am happy that I see playgrounds and coloring in our future. I am happy.

But I am also sad. I have all the feels.

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And it’s dumb because they thrive and that’s the whole point of this. They thrive and grow and sprout little minds with little independent thoughts and then they stand up on their own 2 feet and walk out the door. They wave and sometimes they call and they have their own lives and that’s what we’re doing here. That’s what makes me a good mom; the ability that Gabe can leave and succeed and thrive somewhere else.

But the baby part. The baby part is so short.

And thank god it is so short.

But it is sometimes too short. Too short was the time of him curled up like a little tree frog on my chest. Too short is the time of breast feeding (Just short enough. Too short. Thank god that’s over. But sometimes I miss it.)

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His little peely face and his big, big eyes. His sad faces. His eating sounds. His loud sleeping sounds.

Next week I’ll be celebrating his first year. But for just a minute I’m going to be sad. I’m going to let the part where he really isn’t that baby anymore wash over me. I’m going to be THAT mom for just a minute, because part of this is saying goodbye.

Bye baby Gabe! You’re not so much a baby anymore. Tomorrow you turn 1! But, just because… for old times sake… I’m going to leave this right here.

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8 Comments

  1. Awwwwwwwwww! *sniff. sniffle.*

  2. awwww he is so teeny tiny. And now he’s such a PERSON! I love that you can see his little facial expressions even from the very start. Big hugs to your whole family this weekend, Alex and I wish we could be there to celebrate with you!!

  3. Wow!! I love the little tree frog look – especially him on Kamel with those little scrunched up legs, that is the best!! It is crazy that it has been a year :) Happy Birthday Gabe the Babe!

  4. It’s so weird to realize that I will never ever know Gabe as a baby. So weird. But in a way, probably easier because I get to meet a person (!) and not just a bundle of snuggles (and cries. and poops.). Still so, so weird.

    Happy almost birthday, Gabe! Give your mama some extra snuggles tonight, yes?

  5. It is an emotional milestone and it creeps up on you! I love how you worded it. Fun, fun times are ahead – running and climbing and playgrounds and chasing but babyhood is so sweet.
    Yay for Gabe taking steps!! So exciting!
    Happy early birthday Gabe!

  6. Awww. This is such a poignant post. Love the baby Gabe and also love the fact that he is growing and becoming a little person. You are an awesome mama. Also, I am NOT one to get baby crazy at all but Gabe totally inspires it in me. (wants) He’s too cute.

  7. Oh Lauren, this kills me.

    Penny is starting to lose that newbornlook and is more baby-like in appearance now. And while I’m grateful for the changes that even a few weeks have made (this are ever so slightly easier!) I’m already kind of sad that she’s lost that sleepy little mouse-like thing.

    Ugh. Kids, man.

  8. My baby is 3.5 months old and this made my cry: But, just because… for old times sake… I’m going to leave this right here.

    I just put away another batch of overgrown clothes. My guy is taking his sweet time getting bigger (sickness and maybe being naturally small), so I simultaneously want him to eat more, to grow faster, to prove that he is doing just fine but as soon as I put away another onesie or tiny pair of sweatpants I feel like I die a little inside. Having a baby has been so much harder on me than I thought it would be. I debate whether I have it in me to have another, but I miss my little tree frog too. He’s already so active it’s hard to get calm cuddles, but when he does fall asleep on my shoulder, I hit pause and make sure to soak it in and enjoy it.

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Who the hell is she?


Lauren

I am a writer living in Seattle and I believe that life is a grand adventure and only boring if you believe it to be. Plus! You don't need money to have fun.

I live with my husband, a photographer by education and a maker-of-video-games by trade, and a baby named gabe in an apartment on the hill.

I am romantic about most things and I cry... about almost anything. I tell stories to entertain you, I spread stories to keep you in the loop. I am not a grammar freak, but I do know how to spell it. I am exceedingly proud of my scrambled eggs and I really could eat an entire pan of cupcakes. If I met me, I would be my best friend. I tend to be irreverent.

If you would like to chat with me or see what else I'm up to you can follow me on Twitter (betterinrealife), on facebook, or email me at betterinrealife at gmail.


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