So here we are. I am on mom patrol all day long and let me just say – stay at home moms? You are an army of 1 and I tip my hat to you.
I love my kid but I really hate having him be my all day every day.
I love that we moved to Seattle. I love love love it. But part of me does wish that we had moved for my career vs Kamel’s. That sounds petty when I type it and I am so proud of him and grateful for his opportunities, I just want my own opportunities. And wouldn’t it be nice to be the one carrying the family for a change? Wouldn’t it be nice to have the big important job? That would be nice.
I’m still climbing my ladder and building my stepping stones and that is good too. I have to remind myself and Kamel that he is older than me by a few years, and that I went to grad school instead of joining the working ranks so he has quite a few years ahead of me career-wise. But still. I want to have a job that means something to me and to my family. (And of course my job has always meant something to me and my family… it’s just… in comparison to Kamel’s? Because he makes more and has better benefits, his gets the most important stamp.)
When I left my job a lot of my coworkers assumed I was leaving to be a stay at home mom. That has never been my goal and has never been something I’ve wanted. It was interesting though that people immediately jumped there. I think it is a socially comfortable place. “Ohh, you’re leaving! For your family! And you have a baby! So convenient!” Except… this hasn’t been the convenient choice by any means. This has been a lot of work and we changed course in order to give our family a better quality of life, but… man, it’s going to take some effort and patience to get us to the point we were at in the Bay Area. We were a well-oiled parenting, marriage-ing, individual-ing machine (or close to it? almost there? something). We are, maybe, just now beginning to find our footing again. On a rocky rocky shore, with giant waves, and we are very wet and cold…. metaphorically and sometimes literally. It was a long December and a turbulent roller-coastery November. I’m so relieved that it is now January and I be seein’ normal times ahead. Fresh starts and newness.
How has your year started off? I know everyone has been freezing to death in the US and thankfully, my little corner has not been hit by the POLAR VORTEX. So… other than that…?