I’m hanging out on the couch watching football. It’s Sunday night and right now the Seahawks are beating the 49ers. This pleases me.
It wasn’t so long ago that when the baby went to sleep I was racing to snuggle in under the covers. Now, more often than not (I originally typoed “night”), I have at least an hour to myself.
The weekends are always too short. I have a to-do list a mile long. We are still not totally unpacked and moved in. All of my books are still in boxes. The books from my book list are god knows where. I was thinking I might bake another bundt cake but… nope. We managed to clear out a lot of the baby’s room and organize that closet. I did a million loads of laundry and we cleaned and organized… but looking around now it kind of looks like we did nothing. I keep wanting to hang our art and photos and take pictures so I can post about it… but, a month after moving in, I’m still 5 steps behind.
Last week and this weekend the baby has been driving me nuts. He is exhausting both Kamel and I with constant sounds of whining. He has an ear infection, but I don’t think that’s what’s up. Maybe he is just being more vocal, maybe he is frustrated he can’t speak yet, maybe he just wants constant “play with me!!!” attention. Whatever it is, I’m sure the neighbors hate us. Either that or they are about to call CPS because we must be abusing the little jerk. It sounds like we do nothing but let him whine and whine and whine. He is running us ragged. Why do we eventually want another one of these things again? I’m reminding myself daily that it’s all a phase, every single part of it.
I hate my current wardrobe. It is a mismatch of old pre-pregnancy clothes and maternity clothes. It is a hodge podge of meh. It is borderline not work appropriate (I’m sure it is fine for my relatively casual office, but I like to turn it up a notch…), it is borderline “I wear the same 5 things over and over and over and over again. Mostly, I think this goes with my, “I am not feeling awesome at the moment.” I feel boring, used up. Where is my sass? Where is my pizazz? This is my wardrobe from Friday. I don’t even feel like I tried. When I walked out of the house I really thought, “I do not even look professional! What is wrong with me? And why do I suddenly only have 2 pairs of jeans that fit? Well… fuck it.”
I need some extra money that is not being thrown at high chairs and convertible car seats because my giant baby is racing through every infant stage imaginable and making me brokebrokebroke. I mean, one of my “outfits” at work actually involves a coat as the main factor. Which means I have to wear my coat all day. Which means I have to wait for the particularly chilly days to wear this outfit. This is my outfit life. It is so dumb. I hate it.
A few times at work my facebook profile picture has come up in conversation. This is it below:
I’m not sure how long ago this was exactly. Maybe 2 months ago? Maybe a little more? But the conversation goes like this:
“Oh my god you look SO YOUNG in that photo. What, is that your sister?!”
“No, that’s me! That was only a few months ago.”
“Wow you are just a baby. Hey, other person who works with Lauren every day, can you believe at how young she looks in this photo??”
[Internal monologue: What do I look like sitting right in front of you?? Maybe I look tired? Don’t they see that this is a weird conversation to be having? Now all I feel is that I look old old old. Do I really look that old in real life? Oh god, the baby is aging me. I should probably wear a little makeup to work. I’ve probably hit that age where a little makeup is now required if I do not want to look tired and old. God, I wonder how old I look in real life? Ahhhhhhhhhh.]
Just for comparison, this is a photo I posted on Twitter of me attempting a new (fast and easy, thank you pinterest!) hair-do last week:
No makeup. In a silk shirt that I will later spill salad dressing on and then be forced to wear this coat all day even though it was in the 80s out. I, personally, do not think I look ridiculously old. Or even that much older than that other photo? But maybe my profile pic from facebook just caught me on a good day? Either way… weird conversation to have 3+ times in a matter of a few weeks… Sigh.
The Seahawks are now up by 12. I think it’s a good time to go to bed. Hopefully I’ll be rubbing in a win at work tomorrow, if not at least I’ll have good dreams!