Things, September

I’m hanging out on the couch watching football. It’s Sunday night and right now the Seahawks are beating the 49ers. This pleases me.

It wasn’t so long ago that when the baby went to sleep I was racing to snuggle in under the covers. Now, more often than not (I originally typoed “night”), I have at least an hour to myself.

The weekends are always too short. I have a to-do list a mile long. We are still not totally unpacked and moved in. All of my books are still in boxes. The books from my book list are god knows where. I was thinking I might bake another bundt cake but… nope. We managed to clear out a lot of the baby’s room and organize that closet. I did a million loads of laundry and we cleaned and organized… but looking around now it kind of looks like we did nothing. I keep wanting to hang our art and photos and take pictures so I can post about it… but, a month after moving in, I’m still 5 steps behind.

Last week and this weekend the baby has been driving me nuts. He is exhausting both Kamel and I with constant sounds of whining. He has an ear infection, but I don’t think that’s what’s up. Maybe he is just being more vocal, maybe he is frustrated he can’t speak yet, maybe he just wants constant “play with me!!!” attention. Whatever it is, I’m sure the neighbors hate us. Either that or they are about to call CPS because we must be abusing the little jerk. It sounds like we do nothing but let him whine and whine and whine. He is running us ragged. Why do we eventually want another one of these things again? I’m reminding myself daily that it’s all a phase, every single part of it.

I hate my current wardrobe. It is a mismatch of old pre-pregnancy clothes and maternity clothes. It is a hodge podge of meh. It is borderline not work appropriate (I’m sure it is fine for my relatively casual office, but I like to turn it up a notch…), it is borderline “I wear the same 5 things over and over and over and over again. Mostly, I think this goes with my, “I am not feeling awesome at the moment.” I feel boring, used up. Where is my sass? Where is my pizazz? This is my wardrobe from Friday. I don’t even feel like I tried. When I walked out of the house I really thought, “I do not even look professional! What is wrong with me? And why do I suddenly only have 2 pairs of jeans that fit? Well… fuck it.”

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I need some extra money that is not being thrown at high chairs and convertible car seats because my giant baby is racing through every infant stage imaginable and making me brokebrokebroke. I mean, one of my “outfits” at work actually involves a coat as the main factor. Which means I have to wear my coat all day. Which means I have to wait for the particularly chilly days to wear this outfit. This is my outfit life. It is so dumb. I hate it.

A few times at work my facebook profile picture has come up in conversation. This is it below:

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I’m not sure how long ago this was exactly. Maybe 2 months ago? Maybe a little more? But the conversation goes like this:

“Oh my god you look SO YOUNG in that photo. What, is that your sister?!”

“No, that’s me! That was only a few months ago.”

“Wow you are just a baby. Hey, other person who works with Lauren every day, can you believe at how young she looks in this photo??”

[Internal monologue: What do I look like sitting right in front of you?? Maybe I look tired? Don’t they see that this is a weird conversation to be having? Now all I feel is that I look old old old. Do I really look that old in real life? Oh god, the baby is aging me. I should probably wear a little makeup to work. I’ve probably hit that age where a little makeup is now required if I do not want to look tired and old. God, I wonder how old I look in real life? Ahhhhhhhhhh.]

Just for comparison, this is a photo I posted on Twitter of me attempting a new (fast and easy, thank you pinterest!) hair-do last week:

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No makeup. In a silk shirt that I will later spill salad dressing on and then be forced to wear this coat all day even though it was in the 80s out. I, personally, do not think I look ridiculously old. Or even that much older than that other photo? But maybe my profile pic from facebook just caught me on a good day? Either way… weird conversation to have 3+ times in a matter of a few weeks… Sigh.

The Seahawks are now up by 12. I think it’s a good time to go to bed. Hopefully I’ll be rubbing in a win at work tomorrow, if not at least I’ll have good dreams!

19 thoughts on “Things, September”

  1. 1- It may not have been work-nice, but I really love that outfit, and if you’re tired of that shirt, totally send it to me. I’ll send you one of mine!
    2- You don’t look old, but I think you’ve lost more of the baby weight off of your face. Lying down + that = rounder face, which can read as younger. I don’t get why they fixated on that, though, because it really isn’t much of a difference. You look like you.
    As for the doldrum blahs, I got nothing. I get it. I get mired in them a lot, and all I can say is keep plugging away, do a couple big pushes with getting things unpacked, and all of a sudden something will shift, and things will look better. Which I know you know, and might be lame to hear while you’re in them, but light! in the tunnel! it’s there!

  2. Like you say, it’s all a phase… I hope you will feel more energy soon, overall happier. I think it could also have to do with everything that is going on, the big move and not being yet completely settled, Gabe going through *something*… All I can say is : the little things, maybe make that bundt cake even if you have to force yourself to do so, or maybe Kamel can make it (coincidentally I put a recipe today and it was quite easy and so, so good), make yourself a nice cup of tea / hot chocolate, watch a fun movie, go for a walk. Small things to look forward to and make your day a bit brighter.

    As for the photos, I think on the first one it’s the light + the fact that you are laying down, there is more color in your cheeks and you look “calmer”, and you are smiling a bit, but that’s also just the photo. You do not look old at all!

  3. 1) I feel you on the wardrobe pain. I’ve been so focused on save save saving money, with any extra bit we have being thrown into the house… and then recently I looked in my closet and thought, “Dear God. What do I wear to work?” But more than that–I find I just also don’t have the patience for shopping anymore. Early-20s me would have been shocked and appalled. So my new strategy: get just 1 item of clothing every month that I know I’ll love and wear a zillion times. Nothing super expensive, but it does have to be quality. I figured after a little while of this, I’ll have a bunch of easy outfits I can throw together and I won’t feel embarrassed at work…

    2) I wonder if the reason why your co-workers think you look oh-so-young in your profile pic is because you were at home, relaxed and not, you know, AT WORK. Probably stressed about WORK. That can make such a big difference….

  4. You do not look old. I think it’s just the fact that you’re semi-upside-down in the first picture. It throws people off because of the perspective. (I read about this one time and how different visual perspectives cause your eyes to focus on different features. Sometimes I can’t identify people at all if I see a picture upside down.)

  5. I second the “laying down” element to the profile picture. Pictures where people are jumping or upside down or laying down make their faces look rounder and thus younger. Still, it’s not a totally ideal or work appropriate conversation – how are you supposed to respond to that?

    Also, that video about The Fox is one of the strangest things I’ve seen in a long time. But, like, in a good way.

  6. I’m sorry you are feeling so behind! I wish I could come over and help wrangle Gabe while helping you unpack. One of these days…

    Also, have you been able to work your new boots into your outfits? I wore mine this weekend with really old clothes and still felt all shiny and new 🙂

    Also again- i’m thinking a cross-country clothes swap is in order. Expect texts with pictures of various sweaters and shirts one of these days.

    Lastly, work people be cray. Next time someone brings that up, tell them that you must just look older when surrounded by wrinkles and bags, as you are at work. Maybe that’ll shut people up!

  7. Sigh. I feel you on the wardrobe blahs!! I recently lost weight, and it makes all my “work appropriate” clothes look old and saggy. I would try to go buy new ones but in about a month I get out of training and into a uniform, so I feel money is not best spent on clothes. Anyway I completely understand not feeling good about the way you look at work!!!

    If it helps, I think your outfit in that picture is very cute!!!

    Also, The Emperors New Groove is on Netflix, which is my happy of the day 🙂 just in case you need something fun to watch.

  8. “Mostly, I think this goes with my, “I am not feeling awesome at the moment.” ” Are we wearing the same clothes? We’ve definitely got the same wardrobe philosophy lately. My clothes don’t fit right, and I’m refusing to buy new ones that do and it’s a pretty nasty cycle of bad-makes-worse.

    Also, the lighting on the first photo was loads softer. The harder light of the second does make you look a little older … but I’m pretty sure it’s just angles and lighting.

  9. Ugh…I feel your pain, re: ALL OF THE MEH. My wardrobe is also a 5 outfit mashup of pre-pregnancy and maternity nonsense Each day, as I slide I my maternity jeans back on (I’m 3 months postpartum), I remind myself that all my pre-pregnancy clothes fit just fine, and how much I longed for them while pregnant. Then I pull that giant panel up over my stomach, and go about my business. And by business, I mean scrambling to pick up my also-super-whiny baby.

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