I have no time! None! Ahh!
Sometimes it feels like I am ruling the world and being awesome, and then other times it feels like I am running and running and running and I still cannot catch up. I am not being awesome at returning emails. I am not being awesome at writing up things for other people who I said I would write things up for (I haven’t forgotten about you Amanda! I swear! Breakfast! I will write about it!). I am not being as awesome as all of you have given me credit for.
But! I thought maybe I would share a bit of my normal routine, because the truth is, we do have it together pretty well. My house is not a disaster, we (mostly) have food in the fridge, and I’m able to work out 4-5 days a week. We both work and we both have passions outside of that 8 hour space. I am gone from the house about 11 hours a day, sometimes more, so fitting it all in takes a lot of teamwork. The point, though, is it’s doable. It’s a lot of running and sometimes it feels like I’m going nowhere fast, but it is doable. I think.
Every day my alarm goes off at 5:30am. Before I had Gabe my alarm went off at 5:30am so that I could work out and get ready for work. The only difference between that time and now is that I’ve probably also woken up around 12:30am and 4:00am. Sometimes Gabe sleeps all the way until 5:00am and isn’t that one of life’s little cruel jokes?
I work out in the living room Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for about 40 minutes with the kinect. I do cardio and strengthening on Mondays and Fridays and I do abs and cardio on Wednesdays. On Saturdays and Sundays we go for long walks. While I am working out Kamel is making sandwiches for our lunches, washing bottles/my pump stuff, getting Gabe’s bag ready to go for daycare.
Around 6:00-6:15 I jump in the shower and around 6:30 I wake up Gabe if he is still sleeping, nurse him one last time, and change his clothes. This is Kamel’s time to shower. When Kamel gets out of the shower we take turns entertaining Gabe on the bed while Kamel gets dressed, I do my hair, and we both do our best to get me out the door by 7:10am, at which point I walk a half mile to the train and get into the city by 8:00am, walk another mile to the office and am there before 8:30am. Kamel drops Gabe off at daycare by 7:45 and is at work around 8:00am.
At work I am ridiculously busy. I have never had a job where I am this busy ever in my life. And add pumping in at 9:00am, 12:30pm, and 3:30pm and I am constantly racing to and fro. A little before 5:00pm I head out of the office, walk the mile back to the train station and catch the 5:20 train home. Whenever I am on the train I read. Since I’ve gone back to work I’ve finished 3 books and I am now on my 4th! (Reviews coming soon.)
I either walk home from the train or Kamel picks me up with Gabe and we drive the 10 minutes to our apartment. I get home every day around 6:00pm. When we get home Kamel and I almost always split a beer while we take turns holding the baby and making dinner. We also always have the news on in the background. This is my favorite time of day. We have made it! We are all home! Our days are over! Sort of… Most of the time the evenings are a big scramble of folding laundry, preparing food for the rest of the week, nursing Gabe, and if I’m lucky – having time to write for the following day. (Or for some time later in the week. In my ideal world I would have way more blogs prepped into the future than I do, which is why sometimes I skip a day … like yesterday… I just didn’t have enough hours to squeeze in some time with my computer.)
By 8:00pm the baby is starting to get a little fussy and tired. I usually nurse him for the last time between 8:00pm and 8:45pm and he goes down in the crib sometime between 8:15pm and 9:00pm. We are always always always in bed either shortly after he goes down or immediately after he goes down. Gabe’s biggest stretch of sleep is his first stretch, and the only way for me to function during my day and not feel exhausted is by catching that baby sleep wave. Even Kamel – who used to get sooo frustrated with me for going to bed at 10:00pm (HA! TEN PM!) is racing to catch that baby sleep wave. Now that it is summer, our house is full on lights out even before the sun goes down and I don’t care at all how uncool that makes me. Because even though I may be totally lamecakes, I am also totally productive during my waking hours, totally getting quality time with my kid, with my co workers, with my husband. And I have only felt really… REALLY… tired while at work twice. Every other day, no matter how many times Gabe wakes up in the night, I feel great while at work – something I really didn’t expect to feel for at least a year.
Now then… things that don’t happen in this world:
- We never watch TV anymore. Well… that is not totally true. On the weekends we watch Game of Thrones (sob! we used to…. until next season.), and Kamel is currently catching up on Greys Anatomy. But during the week, aside from the news during dinner, there is no time for TV.
- I don’t have time to surf the internet. All of the facebook/twitter action I get is from my phone. The phone is a little limiting, so I can’t do all of the things I usually do. If you wanted me to “like” a page, for instance… I can’t do that via the mobile app. Or if you wrote me a big facebook message, I have to wait until I get to a computer to respond – it’s just too much work to try to navigate it all on the phone.
- I don’t have the luxury of a flexible schedule. I can’t stay up late playing video games just because I want to. I can’t go out with co-workers so easily on a school night. And I cherish my weekends; I’m hard pressed to share them with other people.
You know that feeling during the week where you can recharge after work? I don’t feel that way anymore. But I feel very capable. I feel like I’m good at this. I feel like my marriage is awesome even if we hate each other sometimes. We really are an excellent team. Sometimes I cannot do all the things I wanted to in my day. Sometimes there just aren’t enough hours and I have to choose what not to finish. It kind of sucks – I like a neat and tidy crossed off to-do list. But, as Kamel and I often say to each other – I would rather have our house not be a total disaster (which makes us both feel anxious and crazy), and not get an hour in front of the TV. I would rather feel strong and in shape than get an extra hour of sleep. I would rather spend more time with my kid than out at happy hour.
Priorities are ever revolving and evolving. This is my life with a baby. It is go-go gadget time 24/7 and for me there isn’t any other way to do it where I would fee successful, but it is very very true… I really don’t have any more time.