Confessions

Sometimes while Kamel is up in the middle of the night changing Gabe, before he has brought him to me to nurse, I wish that Gabe will poop or pee just as Kamel is done putting on a fresh diaper just so I can spend more time sprawled out in bed like a starfish.

One time in college I was short 1 load of laundry detergent, so I attempted to steal some from a girl who had left her bottle in the laundry room. Half way into pouring it the girl walked in. Probably one of the biggest oh-shit moments of my life.

I never ever ever feel satisfied after just 1 (or even 2 or 3) cookies or donuts or cupcakes. Ever. I don’t think there is a baked good I couldn’t eat an entire dozen of.

I had a huge crush on my biology teacher in high school. I and a few other girls used to tell him we were going to sell our eggs for money just to get a rise out of him. It was nice to know he gave even a shred of concern for our reproductive futures.

I have peed in my sleeping bag a million times at sleepovers because of the giggles and because I didn’t want to leave to go to the bathroom in case I missed out on something.

I always tell them I love them first. Always.

I hate Apple products just because of the pretension.

I almost never read books more than once, but I like to have them around anyway.

I really hate running. Even when I was a runner I hated it. I will never run a marathon because I really don’t want to. (Watch in 3 years I’ll have run a fucking marathon. No, I won’t. We’ll see.)

I am annoyed by lots of things. Kamel is annoyed by only a few things. His lack of annoyance annoys me.

I believe that dream catchers actually work.

I definitely judge people on there bumper stickers and vanity plates.

One time when I was old enough to know better, I pooped in an Embassy Suites pool. I think it mostly was just in my bathing suit. After I cleaned it up I went right back in.

Within my Top 5 Favorite Things To Do In Normal Time resides: Out to drinks with ladies and sharing a lot of TMI. TMI makes friends out of strangers. It delights me. Actually, with me, there is no such thing as too much, there is just: information.

I have never seen The Big Lebowski but I pretend like I have all of the time. Also, I think Catcher In The Rye is obnoxious. Hemingway is overrated.

I really resent seat belt laws. I would wear my seat belt anyway, but stop telling me what to do nanny state!

I have really thick ankles. Anklets never fit me. Also, those shoes with the ankle straps are a nightmare.

I’ve seen Street Fighter, the movie, way above 20 times and had a massive obsession with Jean-Claude Van Damme in 5th grade. While in the computer lab at school I accidentally came across a naked photo of him, spread eagle on the hood of a car. that was my first penis sighting. It wasn’t that great.

About 50% of the time I will accidentally tell you about the surprise that is being planned for your birthday or your awesome christmas present. I’ll tell you without even realizing it until you stop me and ask me to clarify. Oops.

I have no idea how to end this post. So I’m writing this instead.

22 thoughts on “Confessions”

  1. OH MY GOD I LOVED MR. LANDON. He was so dashing. Wait, was that who you were talking about?? Or was I alone in my weird bio crush?

      1. Omg I am dying right now. I…vaguely remember him? What I mostly remember was him cooking up octopus for us to eat…while we were dissecting octopus.

      1. Haaaaa! Realizing that I am not the only one is ridiculously exciting. One day poor Mr. Landon will stumble across this blog and then I will die a little inside, but until then…. Yes. hahahaha

  2. This whole list just makes me grin big.

    “I almost never read books more than once, but I like to have them around anyway.”

    THIS IS MY SECRET FEAR: that we will one day collect so many books that they will just fill ENTIRE ROOMS. NO ESCAPE. We read them once, they sit on the shelf FOR-EV-ER.

  3. I also rarely re-read books. If I didn’t like it, it goes in a pile to be sold to Half-Price Books. If I liked it, it goes back on the shelf, and will be moved every single time I switch locations, even if it never gets read again.

  4. Book hoarders, unite! I am sentimentally attached to all of them. It’s an unhealthy relationship. Like “I don’t want to read you anymore, but I’m not going to let anyone else do it, either.” This was fun. I’m trying to think of some of my own now!

  5. Here is what I love about this post: everything. I love confessions like crazy. (Although I did have to stop reading Post Secret a year or two ago because it was feeding my depression like mad. Sometimes I miss it, but am too wary to go back).

    I, too, am a book hoarder! (But I confess to liberal rereads. I read astonishingly quickly, so this never takes away much from reading new things, but I go back to certain books at certain points in the year like clockwork).

  6. Love your confessions! I, too, agree that there’s no such thing as TMI… and talking about TMI stuff is super bonding. Love it! And, I admit, I’m a book hound. I love, love, love books. Love the smell, the feel, etc. I’ll never get a kindle! I hoard my book stash until I have no more room. Book confession: I always, always flip forward in the book to see what happens. 🙂

  7. Similar to your annoyance with Kamels lack of getting annoyed, i would get so angry at Chads passiveness and being the too-nice guy that he wont ever get mad! I would be like YOU GET MAD AND YOU TELL THEM! THAT GUYS BEING A DICK! But no. Hed say ‘its okay, whatever..’ GR. It would drive me nuts! I also believe dream catchers work and would also LOVE drinks and TMI with you anyday! And i also feel that way about books. Dont have interest in reading them all over again (although that might change with Outlander), but I cant let them go! Same with our movies! I dont ever dit down on the couch and think “ill just pull out one of these DVDs/Blu-Rays and pop one in”. Never! Yet our collection grows….

  8. Here’s my confession for today. The waiter just asked me if I wanted… something. I didn’t know the word and instead of admitting that I said no.

  9. I love all of these! Especially this: “TMI makes friends out of strangers.” This needs to be on a T-shirt, so true!

    I am with you on the lack of being satisfied on baked goods. Sometimes when I’m at an event with a cookie platter or some such delicious thing, I am secretly scheming about how I can eat like three of them without people noticing.

    Confession related to your stealing of laundry detergent: I always use other people’s shampoo and conditioner if I am staying at their house. I tell myself that this is normal and no one would care, and yet I am really careful to put everything back where it was so they don’t notice… But it’s such a great way to try out a new product!

    I agree with you on Hemingway. The Sun Also Rises? Dull dull dull, if you ask me.

    BUT seat belt laws are totally important!! [gets on soapbox]. Laws need to exist when they prevent someone from harming others, and not wearing a seat belt can totally harm others beside yourself. If you are in a car with someone not wearing a seat belt and you crash, that non-seat belted person can become like a grenade and actually hurt other people. Also, if you hit someone, you want them to be wearing a seat belt, so you don’t kill them, and you have no way of making them do that except through the legal system. Sorry, I am totally nuts for seat belts.

  10. OH my god. DEAD.

    ahhahahahahahah laughing so hard. These confessions are GOLD.

    my entire relationship with lara could be summed up by this sentence:

    “I am annoyed by lots of things. Kamel is annoyed by only a few things. His lack of annoyance annoys me.”

    100%. It annoys me so much.

    Hate running with a passion, hemming way is overrated, i always say i love you first too, and so many other things.

    this is so great.

  11. oh my god i love you

    This: “I am annoyed by lots of things. Kamel is annoyed by only a few things. His lack of annoyance annoys me.” –> This is us, ALL the time. He mocks me for getting annoyed at things! Also for judging people, which I do all the time. (I have to be good at it! It’s my job! I am literally paid for figuring out if people are skeezy or not. Well, sort of.)

    Starfish bed in the middle of the night is the best.

    Running is the most boring exercise ever. Even when I like having run, I never ever like running.

    And I cannot WAIT to come to SF and have lady drinks with you! We are going to have the best time!

  12. I really hope you watch the Big Lebowski one day and try to see at least 3 times before passing judgement. It is my all-time favorite movie and I really do believe the Dude is my spiritual adviser in life. But again I saw that movie junior year of high school with my dad so really I think I was just impressed by the casual use of marijuana and obsessed with the idea of not working and bowling for a living.

    My confession is that I almost never remember books I’ve read to the point where I can probably re-read a book less than 2 years later and not remember anything. Weirdly though I’m not a book hoarder maybe so I can avoid unintentionally re-reading the same books over and over.

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