I was going to write about baby stuff again, how things in my body are changing and lalala. I was going to talk about the reality of being almost finished with pregnancy (the reality for me, that is), complete with updated photos etc.
But then I got home from work to a shitty husband who seems content with throwing fits and nothing else. You know those days, we all have those days. Except when it is someone else we’re all like, “God. Get it together.” And stuff.
I hate how living with someone can derail your perfectly normal, mildly happy day. How suddenly I’m eating a bowl of cereal alone at the kitchen table for dinner. And how, also just as suddenly, my plans for writing and being productive shift into blob-ville. Because all I can think about is how annoyed I am and how frustrating it is to have another person capable of all that side-tracking.
I don’t have the stamina for this day anymore. I am distracted and brain-farted and all of my mental energy is focused on doing my best to “not engage” – because sometimes being married is really about avoiding each other as best you can without being too obvious. Most of the time it works when done correctly.
Plus, and this is totally (ok mildly) unrelated – but I skimmed this other blog on my way home from work today and she was all “let me tell you the truth about morning sickness” and I got this flood of fear. The fear that everything I have ever thought or said or written has already been thought or said or written and why are you even still here reading me? What have I become but a redundant drone? Ahh! AM I EVEN STILL FUNNY?
Anyways – I had a mild panic moment where I second-guessed my entire existence on this planet, and was also very annoyed with myself for having a week so pregnant-talk heavy. So maybe that is also why I’m incapable of telling you all the things I have been mentally cataloging for the last month.
I’ll try again tomorrow.