Real Life Conversations: Secret Agent

Scene: Kamel and I are trying to buy cheese at the deli counter. We are at a little market and they have a lot of exposed meat products in the case. The deli lady takes our order and turns away.

Me: [whispering] I feel like this place is kind of sketch.

Kamel: What?! What did you say?

Me: [gritted teeth] Oh for fucksake. Shh. Nevermind.

After we grab our cheese we make our way to the cashier.

Me: You are the loudest person on the planet. Do you even know how to be subtle? Ever?

Kamel: Oh, well, whatever! I can’t hear you and your special code words!”

Me: Man, I hope this place doesn’t have a debit card minimum….

Kamel then jumps forward in line, bumping into my big belly to peer at the card swipe-machine-thingy, while the man in front of us is trying to pay.

Me: [hissing] Kamel! Stop it! Jeez!

Kamel: I don’t think they have a minimum! (He says in a big, way-more-than-six-inch-voice.)

Me: Ok… Shh.

As we leave the store I am bitching at him. “You are the loudest person I have ever met blahblahblah, you are so embarrassing! etc etc etc!” You get the idea. When Kamel stops walking in the parking lot and looks at me.

Kamel: Well you know who I married?

Me: I don’t think there is a scenario where you win in this conversation…

Kamel: You know who I married?!

Me: …. who?

Kamel begins tapping at his nose and forehead, doing baseball signals willy nilly.

Kamel: A freaking secret agent!!

14 thoughts on “Real Life Conversations: Secret Agent”

  1. Secret agent πŸ™‚ I think it’s a Mexican thing, to be loud, and not subtle, and not get things that are whispered at you. I’m guilty in any case. (Right there with you Kamel).

  2. Hahahaha. Point to Kamel. Joe and I have this problem all the time. I was raised in a quiet, Midwestern home. These Long Islanders… Well, they are noisy. And can’t hear. πŸ˜‰

  3. Oy, Jon is like this, too! I’ll make a quiet comment to him that I don’t want overheard and he’ll say “What did you say?” and if I ask him to just forget it until later he says, even louder “No, what was it?”


  4. I don’t know how many times I have heard the same thing…”don’t turn around and keep your voice down because so-in-so is right over there” Me. “WHO???” and then it is “Damn, you are not cool”. All my married life I haven’t been cool about things like this. And then… when I can’t hear what she is saying I raise my voice and ask, “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?”. to which in an even softer voice…” i said….blablablabla” This is such a funny story. I just love it. Us lound men have to stick together. Ha. ha. ha. DB

      1. Ha ha ha ha ha ha hahaaaaaa.And apparently these men can not be trained. ha ha ha haaaaaaah! That is a PERFECT story. I have lived it many many times.

  5. This is so funny! I think it might have something to do with learning how to hide conversations in catholic school πŸ™‚ whispering is an art, for reals.

  6. Bunny has the same total lack of discretion. Somehow my desire to say something snarky (quietly) ends up with the whole room/line/store/movie theatre knowing exactly what I was trying to keep just to us. It’s kind of hilarious sometimes though, and that lack of giving a d*mn what people hear is a little sexy. Annoying, but the confidence is sexy.

  7. I’m usually the one being embarrassing in public. LARPing, even on Hallowe’en, is apparently embarrassing. As is asking to test the wine at the restaurant, even though the waiter handed the glass to J. But having low levels of public shame can be a bonus — I have no qualms about asking for directions from complete strangers or tracking down salespeople in stores for help.

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