Scene: Kamel and I are trying to buy cheese at the deli counter. We are at a little market and they have a lot of exposed meat products in the case. The deli lady takes our order and turns away.
Me: [whispering] I feel like this place is kind of sketch.
Kamel: What?! What did you say?
Me: [gritted teeth] Oh for fucksake. Shh. Nevermind.
After we grab our cheese we make our way to the cashier.
Me: You are the loudest person on the planet. Do you even know how to be subtle? Ever?
Kamel: Oh, well, whatever! I can’t hear you and your special code words!”
Me: Man, I hope this place doesn’t have a debit card minimum….
Kamel then jumps forward in line, bumping into my big belly to peer at the card swipe-machine-thingy, while the man in front of us is trying to pay.
Me: [hissing] Kamel! Stop it! Jeez!
Kamel: I don’t think they have a minimum! (He says in a big, way-more-than-six-inch-voice.)
Me: Ok… Shh.
As we leave the store I am bitching at him. “You are the loudest person I have ever met blahblahblah, you are so embarrassing! etc etc etc!” You get the idea. When Kamel stops walking in the parking lot and looks at me.
Kamel: Well you know who I married?
Me: I don’t think there is a scenario where you win in this conversation…
Kamel: You know who I married?!
Me: …. who?
Kamel begins tapping at his nose and forehead, doing baseball signals willy nilly.
Kamel: A freaking secret agent!!