When George W. Bush was re-elected I thought, “Are you fucking KIDDING me?!”
When Prop 8 passed in California I thought, “No way, how did that happen?”
And when suddenly (maybe not so suddenly) the conservative faction of our government began waging yet another campaign against women’s health issues I thought, “Am I in the twilight zone? Have I gone back in time? Am I really fighting for what our mother’s fought for? Our mother’s mother’s mother’s?” And then I wished anal leakage upon all of those ass hats, took up the cry and pushed forward.
And maybe everything that has happened with the conservative/tea-party/false-y republican hate and ignorance-spewing loudspeaker in the last 5 years (ish) has lead up to this moment, but I have never felt more completely abandoned by our government than I do right now.
Surprisingly enough, it has nothing to do with me being a woman, pregnant, working full time, married to a newly minted American citizen, a person who believes in marriage equality, provocative public education about many issues, many religions, non-religion, science, and all things between. It has pretty much nothing to do with being a moderately liberal person whatsoever. It is 100% because I happen to be a citizen, and everything I’m hearing out of Washington since the campaign ended has been totally self-involved, “I don’t give a fuck about what’s good for the country, I only care about myself” horse shit.
Let’s pretend I’m just talking about the fiscal cliff. The stupid fiscal cliff. I’m not even going to tell you how I wish that situation would have played out in my ideal Lauren-land, because it doesn’t matter. While Republicans are walking out of vote discussions, while no one is capable of compromise, while everyone else (those who are not making the decisions) speculates and hopes that the major financial changes won’t prevent them from paying rent – who is representing me? Or you? Who is attempting, at any given moment, to give a shit about the rest of us…. ya know… the people actually affected by all of this policy mumbo jumbo and the stuffed shirts and the bloated egos? Because at best my government is apathetic about me. At worst the inaction, and the eventual half-assed horrible action, is hurting me.
Maybe it’s not as bad as all that, but it feels pretty bad. It feels like all any politician only ever wants is to win. I don’t even know what they are trying to win, and I don’t know if they even know what they are trying to win… but it seems that whenever the battle to”win” rages on, we lose.
And I have no idea what to do about it. There are people in government right now, people who are supposed to be representing a district in a state far away from me, who have big big big hand in my life. Who gum up the government even more than it already is, who try and pass legislature that is anti-women or anti-gay or that’s sole purpose is to slow government down even more, make the President look like a fool, and the side effect is more national debt, less compromise, moving socially backwards, and polarizing this country more and more and more.
I honestly have no solutions. I am exhausted by this and I pretty much hate everyone. I wish we could fire every single person in Congress and start over. I wish something more drastic than just another election would happen. I want a do-over with a clean constitutional slate. The problem is – not even that would fix it… how could we ever agree on a new constitution even if we had the chance to write one? Everything is such an extreme, there is no room for talking or understanding or listening to what people we don’t agree with have to say or why. Guns are simultaneously the issue and the solution. Mental health is too much of a financial conundrum to even begin to tackle. Raising the debt ceiling is the next fight I wish I could avoid hearing about and raise your hand if you actually have a clear understanding of what that means. How the earth is dying and how it is all liberal propaganda and the ice caps don’t matter. Magic vaginas that expel rape semen. Having more Jesus in school will cure all and having no religion in school ever ever ever is the only way to raise our kids safely.
I am overwhelmed and feel like a stranger to my own country.