Engagement and Pregnancy

When I was engaged I imagined that pregnancy would be similar: all of the preparation, waiting for that one day of immense emotion, the culmination of months and months hard work, creating/building a new family, etc etc and so on and so forth.

I thought that blogging about being pregnant would be a lot like blogging about engagement. I thought that as interesting things popped up I may or may not fill you in. As interesting pretty purchases, or milestones were crossed off the list I might take some photos, link some videos, badda bing badda boom. But in general, blogging would maintain the regularly scheduled snark, political intrigue and minor cooking disasters. Ya know… the usual.

I was totally wrong. As I have been about most of my pregnancy assumptions. I guess I may have also been wrong about some of the engagement expectations as well, but the pregnancy ones are so much more IN MY FACE.

Engagement is not like pregnancy in the ways I thought it would be, and (unfortunately?) I feel like it’s kind of taken over my blog. It is so all-encompassing I can’t help it. I thought that for the first 1/2 of this whole physical-mental-family-life-altering-blahblahblah-experience I could just run around being normal me, doing all of the normal me stuff. Instead I spent the majority of my days on the bed or the couch or the floor of the hallway outside my office. From day one this kid has made it very clear that I am not to think or act or do anything else but build the creature. It demands it to be so and I have no choice but to obey. I wish I had choice, but I do not. Some women have more choices than I do. Some ladies can wear heels and their asses don’t gain a pound. I am not one of those ladies.

The family stuff is a little similar. Their are expectations from parents that things will go a certain way. Family feels a pull to be included. People are getting new titles: Auntie, Grandma, Grandpa, etc. A new “one of us” is being summoned. Like engagement people like to tell you how it should be, how it was for them, how you should feel or will feel or how you should handle xyz situation. I cannot tell you how much I do not want to hear how pregnancy is a beautiful experience and how I should cherish this amazing natural process. I’m living it every day, I am happy about the kid, I will be even more stoked when it pops out and isn’t ugly. But until then, I’m in it for the outcome… I’m really not interested in the beauty of this process. So far it’s been mostly rough.

One of my co-workers is just at the beginning of planning her wedding. She is dealing with the guest list. Oh the guest list. How many people can we afford? How many people do we have to invite? How many people does parent X demand from us? Do you think we can get away without inviting the really racisit/homophobic/pains-in-the-butt? And one day, as I was listening and nodding and giving advice when asked, I realized: Holy hell I am so grateful to not be planning a wedding. Thank god that isn’t me! Our wedding was great, but would I go back to being engaged? No. Not for truck loads of cash. I love my husband and being married but fuck was all that prep crap hard.

And I guess that’s where I’m seeing the most right-on comparison. Some people freaking love wedding planning. They love the event and the dresses and the centerpieces and picking out the details and having everyone together. Just like some women love love love pregnancy. They glow, they feel amazing, they don’t have an embarrassing puke story to save their soul, they never want the pregnancy part to end! And the baby is great, the wedding is fantastic, but once it’s done they want to do it all again.

Being pregnant is taking over my life so much more than wedding planning did. There would be whole weeks where I didn’t have to think or do anything about my wedding, but I am pregnant every single second of every single day and I never forget, ever that I’m building a little life in there. But man am I grateful that all of that engagement business is behind me and now I am living my normal life with my partner in crime, and man am I looking forward to when I can stop being pregnant and live our normal life as a three-some vs a two-some and get this baby thing on the road already. Until then, I’m going to be talking about this a little more than I expected. And I hope that’s ok, I hope I can keep you interested, because right now – it’s kind of all I’ve got. I’m living in a mind suck and it’s spilling out all over the page.

23 thoughts on “Engagement and Pregnancy”

  1. Well, for what it’s worth, I wish you would talk about your pregnancy more! Every time I see a new post from you I think, “Oh man, I hope it’s a pregnancy post!” So let it all out!

    1. I laughed when I read this because ah! relief! I always worry that I am boring people or that I’m dwelling on something too long, but I keep doing it anyway because I have compulsions. πŸ˜‰ I’m glad there are readers who are not running for the hills. πŸ™‚

  2. Like Heather said, I keep hoping for this posts. And I really really wish that you will feel better soon. You know I was thinking, in a way this whole thing with being pregnant (or trying to) is one huge realization that no matter how much understanding we think we have, we so totally do not control our bodies. And it sucks big time, but I guess it is also about just letting go of control, just letting things flow and be…

  3. It just occurred to me you don’t tag your posts…or am I missing something? I was hoping to send the filtered lists of posts to some of my pregnant or trying friends because you are the sanest, pregnant head I’ve found on the internet (not that I’m biased at all).

    1. Things have definitely started to improve! Last week I spent half the week in the deep dark well of yucks but then thursday rolled around and it all started to lift. The weekend and this week have been pretty good so far. Dealing with acid reflux now, but not dry heaving on the side of the free way anymore. πŸ™‚

  4. Hey Lauren πŸ™‚ I didn’t talk too much online about my pregnancy.. But it was all I could talk about in conversation with others.. Men, women, relatives, friends, complete strangers.. Lol. People had so many questions and comments.. And I loved all of that. I hated being pregnant though :/ I was really sick my entire pregnancy.. Throwing up, colds, etc. I was miserable! But I wanted that baby that so bad, I put all sick feelings aside and was still excited! As I said.. I had a horrible pregnancy, and quite honestly, a horrible delivery (some nurse really messed a few things up making it so I needed surgery and my healing period took a lot longer).. But.. I would do it all over again and maybe even one more again (3???) lol. It was the outcome of all of it that told me I wanted more. I’ve always felt so in control of my life.. But when you realize you can make a person??!!.. Then you just feel like freakin super women! πŸ™‚ I hope that you get that same feeling when you see your child for the first time.. You think back to all the hard work and discomfort and tell yourself.. I’m amazing! I love reading about others being pregnant or anything about kids or family! It’ll all be a great read. I hope you are feeling well and I hope 40 weeks flies by for you and your husband so you can feel what I felt soon enough. Congratulations again!

  5. “I cannot tell you how much I do not want to hear how pregnancy is a beautiful experience and how I should cherish this amazing natural process. I’m living it every day, I am happy about the kid, I will be even more stoked when it pops out and isn’t ugly.”

    This made me laugh so hard. I feel like, should we decide to have kids, this is the EXACT kind of preggo lady I’ll be.

    Also, WORD on the wedding planning. Some women love it. I am not one of them.

  6. I loved planning my wedding, I do NOT love being pregnant! I, too, am in it for the outcome! I can’t wait to be done. I think more women feel like this than they’re willing to admit!

    Don’t apologize for wanting to write about it — hell, it’s ALL I write about these days. Pregnancy is all-consuming — like you said, it’s with you every second. You’ll be glad you documented it so you can see how far you’ve come πŸ™‚

    (I wish I could tell you at 34 weeks that it gets better…. um, no it mostly still sucks. But at least the light at the end of the tunnel is closer!)

    1. Rosie – your blog cracks me up! Not because I am laughing at you, but because fuuuuuck. I was having awful back rib pain for weeks and weeks – my pre natal massues lady fixed it for now, but I’m sure other aches will come ROARING BACK eventually. And at 36 weeks I’m going to be RUNNING stairs – a la getitoutgetitoutgetitoutgetitout!

      When we were talking about having a baby I thought pregnancy would be “so cool!” and “Magical!” and “wow look what I can do!” and even though there are cool parts and there are like “woah! belly!” parts, I mostly wish I could fast forward and have the baby now. It’s like my baby is on lay away and I have to pay for it little bit by little bit for a year.

  7. Though not remotely interested (at this point) in pregnancy for myself, I’m still totally entertained by your writing because, well, you’re a funny writer and you have a knack for telling stories and making normal things interesting. So you’ve got my readership even if you veer more into pregnancy-land then you intended. So (try) not to waste any more of your mental energy on that and focus on that creature you’re summoning and your life right now….. Go you!

  8. I might be the opposite of you. I’m one of those who is totally curious about pregnancy and labor: I know *for sure* that I want to experience those things and have that physical experience. Having a baby, on the other hand, is something I’m not so sure about. Since we know that you’re sick and hating (not loving?) the pregnancy part, maybe you could write a post that addresses how/why you and Kamel decided to get pregnant in the first place, and how you knew it would be right for you.

  9. I love reading about your pregnancy. Also, I’d read about anything that you write on here πŸ™‚ But I am sorry to hear that you’re still sick and feeling gross. As I said above in reply to Amanda, not being in control of our own bodies sucks big time!

    Oh and I laughed at you saying “when the baby pops out and it isn’t ugly” because I’m secretly terrified of having an ugly baby haha. You can’t return it! Or maybe parents never think their own baby is ugly?

  10. I am a million squillion miles away from pregnancy, and I LOVE reading about your pregnancy. Your honesty about all things is refreshing, but especially about this, because the difficulties of pregnancy are so taboo… the idea that it’s all glowing and speshul miracles etc seems to be everywhere, so I love hearing about the reality of it for you. Plus, don’t apologise for being honest about your experiences! This is what’s going on in your life right now, so of course it’s what you want to talk about – and so you should! (It’s definitely a lot more interesting than what’s going on in my life right now, which is a new found obsession with bikram yoga and the interminable wait for my internet lip balm purchases to arrive! hahaha… I am ridiculous.)

  11. Man, I am not even having a bad pregnancy, really, but I totally feel you on this.
    This is NOT a beautiful process. perhaps one of these days, things might lift and it might be, but for now, its a well of frustration and feeling (and looking) really fat, without gaining ANY weight (well, I did, then I lost it, and it hasnt come back), which means I am worrying about likely lost muscle tone that I have spent 5 frickin years building up.
    14 weeks in and I am seriously hanging out for the end right now! So I totally get you on that.

  12. As someone who is several weeks behind you, your blog is totally refreshing and explains just how I feel. I definitely did not expect the inescapable-ness of all this… time moves so slowly, yet I can’t ever put it out of my mind, since it has overtaken my whole body. Plus there’s that constant fear of ‘this could end at any minute and there’s nothing I can do about it’ and the isolation of being in the place of it being too early to tell anyone (for aforementioned reasons) yet wishing for some more support and to not totally feel like others must think I’m a slacker. So yes, please keep up blogging about it, especially when it’s not all sunshine and butterflies.

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