When I was engaged I imagined that pregnancy would be similar: all of the preparation, waiting for that one day of immense emotion, the culmination of months and months hard work, creating/building a new family, etc etc and so on and so forth.
I thought that blogging about being pregnant would be a lot like blogging about engagement. I thought that as interesting things popped up I may or may not fill you in. As interesting pretty purchases, or milestones were crossed off the list I might take some photos, link some videos, badda bing badda boom. But in general, blogging would maintain the regularly scheduled snark, political intrigue and minor cooking disasters. Ya know… the usual.
I was totally wrong. As I have been about most of my pregnancy assumptions. I guess I may have also been wrong about some of the engagement expectations as well, but the pregnancy ones are so much more IN MY FACE.
Engagement is not like pregnancy in the ways I thought it would be, and (unfortunately?) I feel like it’s kind of taken over my blog. It is so all-encompassing I can’t help it. I thought that for the first 1/2 of this whole physical-mental-family-life-altering-blahblahblah-experience I could just run around being normal me, doing all of the normal me stuff. Instead I spent the majority of my days on the bed or the couch or the floor of the hallway outside my office. From day one this kid has made it very clear that I am not to think or act or do anything else but build the creature. It demands it to be so and I have no choice but to obey. I wish I had choice, but I do not. Some women have more choices than I do. Some ladies can wear heels and their asses don’t gain a pound. I am not one of those ladies.
The family stuff is a little similar. Their are expectations from parents that things will go a certain way. Family feels a pull to be included. People are getting new titles: Auntie, Grandma, Grandpa, etc. A new “one of us” is being summoned. Like engagement people like to tell you how it should be, how it was for them, how you should feel or will feel or how you should handle xyz situation. I cannot tell you how much I do not want to hear how pregnancy is a beautiful experience and how I should cherish this amazing natural process. I’m living it every day, I am happy about the kid, I will be even more stoked when it pops out and isn’t ugly. But until then, I’m in it for the outcome… I’m really not interested in the beauty of this process. So far it’s been mostly rough.
One of my co-workers is just at the beginning of planning her wedding. She is dealing with the guest list. Oh the guest list. How many people can we afford? How many people do we have to invite? How many people does parent X demand from us? Do you think we can get away without inviting the really racisit/homophobic/pains-in-the-butt? And one day, as I was listening and nodding and giving advice when asked, I realized: Holy hell I am so grateful to not be planning a wedding. Thank god that isn’t me! Our wedding was great, but would I go back to being engaged? No. Not for truck loads of cash. I love my husband and being married but fuck was all that prep crap hard.
And I guess that’s where I’m seeing the most right-on comparison. Some people freaking love wedding planning. They love the event and the dresses and the centerpieces and picking out the details and having everyone together. Just like some women love love love pregnancy. They glow, they feel amazing, they don’t have an embarrassing puke story to save their soul, they never want the pregnancy part to end! And the baby is great, the wedding is fantastic, but once it’s done they want to do it all again.
Being pregnant is taking over my life so much more than wedding planning did. There would be whole weeks where I didn’t have to think or do anything about my wedding, but I am pregnant every single second of every single day and I never forget, ever that I’m building a little life in there. But man am I grateful that all of that engagement business is behind me and now I am living my normal life with my partner in crime, and man am I looking forward to when I can stop being pregnant and live our normal life as a three-some vs a two-some and get this baby thing on the road already. Until then, I’m going to be talking about this a little more than I expected. And I hope that’s ok, I hope I can keep you interested, because right now – it’s kind of all I’ve got. I’m living in a mind suck and it’s spilling out all over the page.