I have talked before on my inability to say no. I wanted to link to something or other on that topic, but I can’t find it. But I definitely know that I have told you my tale of
woes noes before. It’s hard for me. I want to DO IT ALL. I want to be superwoman, capable of all the things and even the extra things that aren’t really things but let’s pile them on anyways just for fun, shall we?
The problem is I say YES YES YES and then I wear myself out and then I over extend and then I have some regretsies and I don’t feel like I’m giving my full 100% because I’m too scattered or tired or stressed.
That was the recap.
Aside from physical discomfort and massive inconvenience, being pregnant has also given me the very real gift of saying No.
I completely understand that saying no is necessary to happiness and authenticity and not losing your mind, I just haven’t been good at it. It took a force of nature (that shoved me square on my ass) for me to totally get it. It was like a switch went off in my head. One day I was SUPERWOMAN OF THE UNIVERSE saying yes to all the things, and the next I was … um… being honest? “I just can’t do that, I’m really sorry.” Both things true. I wish I could, but I can’t. I cannot. I will have to bow out. I can’t make that happen. I am incapable at the moment of helping or doing or showing up. Some of the things really bummed me out (Outside Lands? Lady weekend 2012? Dinners with friends? Seeing people from out of town who I haven’t seen in years? Shopping! Weekend getaways! Concerts! A pool party!). Ok those are all the things. But, knowing I had to say no didn’t cause me angst, and before it would have been impossible.
Some of the time I said no because I physically couldn’t do it. Some of the time I said no because it wouldn’t have been appropriate to have other people subjected to my inconsistent health. And sometimes I said no just because my priorities have shifted. My body and health comes first. I am currently a vessel, check back in a year.
The point is: Saying No used to be my last resort. I had to have lost an arm in order to say no. And I knew it wasn’t healthy or the way things should be, but I couldn’t help it. It doesn’t matter if I’m sick, or I’m just not up for it, or if I need to choose sitting on the couch and watching old episodes of Entourage instead of doing XYZ – it’s all valid. Saying no is ok. (Yes I wrote that. Me.) It doesn’t mean I’m a bad friend (and it doesn’t mean you are either), it doesn’t mean I’m boring (Ok, maybe I’m boring. I’m cool with it…. for now.), it definitely doesn’t mean I’m a huge failure, it’s just a choice. I’ll catch you on the flipside.