Saturday Edition: Cookie Monster

Kamel is full of the stories lately. Even the ones he should be ashamed of. Sigh. There is only so much I can do to save him from himself, and when my back is turned his impulse control runs wild. I’ll let Kamel tell you the full story.

Last weekend Lauren and I went to Anthropologie so she could return a bunch of clothes and maybe get some new ones. Which meant, I got in line and did the return, while she pranced around in her natural habitat. After I wrapped up the return, forging her signature and all (ah married life), I went on the hunt to find the elusive Lornax in the land of Anthro. I couldn’t find her right away, but while wandering through the home kitchen-y stuff I saw something that immediately caught my eye.

What is that? What’s on top of that thing? Could it be… Free cookies?!

Hmm… I first assumed they were just fake store cookies, but upon closer inspection they seemed real. I looked around for any sort of signage indicating they were in fact free cookies, but found none. I was a little surprised that no one else milling about the store had gotten wind of the bowl of free dessert, right there, waiting to be delighted in.

I got close and picked one up. It felt real enough. I brought it up to my nose and smelled it. Hmmmm sweet cookie smell, with frosting in between.

As I put the cookie up to my mouth I worried for a micro-second that they might be really old store display stand ins, so I put it back. Sigh.

But after a few seconds I thought, well I can’t just put it back, I already touched it and smelled it. So I picked it up again, and slowly opened it, revealing the sweet frosting within. And it smelled just like heaven. I’m alone with the  cookie. So I ate the first half. As usual I started with the half that lacks the frosting.Hmm… it didn’t taste quite right. It tastes… old and stale? Oh no… I ate an old cookie didn’t I? Crap. I kept chewing.

Slightly worried and a tad embarrassed, I started to slowly walk away from the cookies. But I still had the frosted half in my hand. So, naturally I think, well this one can’t be gross, it has frosting! So boom, into my mouth it goes. This one is tastier, thanks to the frosting, but the cookie is just as gross and stale as the other half. I chewed it up and finished it quickly. Now I’m genuinely ashamed. I can’t believe I just ate an old store display cookie. This is what happens when Lauren is not around. So I continue my hunt to find her.

Once Lauren is finished figuring out if she wants to buy anything, we walk over to pay and I confess to her what happened. She looks at me shocked and embarrassed. I suggest we ask the cashier if the cookies were set out for customers, but she immediately shuts that plan down. “Tell no one!” she says. I insist that they were probably set out on purpose, explaining how I found them. I send her on an expedition to go look for the cookies while I wait in line again, but  she can’t find them. This does not surprise me because have you ever sent Lauren to look for anything? Good luck with that.  After we pay, and before leaving the store I walk her to the cookies (that she had walked past at least twice).

“Kamel, these are obviously just old Mother’s Cookies from Safeway and they look like they’ve been here for weeks! What is wrong with you?!” she said while laughing at me.


8 thoughts on “Saturday Edition: Cookie Monster”

  1. This reminds me of a time when, in a Coldstone Creamery, I picked up and ate a brownie from their counter- obviously it was a free sample, I thought- while my friends looked on in horror. They were all “What are you DOING?!?” And then I realized that was just the brownie topping storage, and that I had actually lifted up a glass covering to get the brownie, so: clearly not a free sample tray. Whoops!

    I would have eaten the old cookie too, Kamel.

  2. This is hilarious enough on its own (and honestly, I’ve probably done the same at some point in my life), but the part that really gets me laughing is “tell no one” and the irony that you just told the entire world. With photo evidence!

  3. O.K. First off. Sending Lauren to find anything is so… the truth. Had me laughing out loud and Lauren’s mom nearly wetting herself. Second. too damn funny. I think Stores should never put anything out that is edible as a display. Just too funny.

    Love you tons

    PS, Mom had to run to the bathroom as I read this out loud.

  4. Hahahahaha oh Kamel this is so funny . I totally would have eaten the cookie too. In fact if there are free samples I will always take them, Mark says it’s a Mexican thing he always laughs at me when I do it .

Leave a Reply