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Saturday Edition: It’s The End of the World Munchies!

It’s Saturday! And Kamel is up early typing away. I initially wanted him to write about his perspective on setting rules and boundaries on our marriage, from the post on Wednesday. But… the moment had passed. I want to open up the dialogue to include his perspective as well, but we’ll work on that some other time. Today there are more important things to discuss… like the end of the world. 

Lauren and I were having the Friday-After-Work-Cravings to eat all the things. As we do every now and then. We had watermelon with salt, lime, and cayenne. Then we had scrambled eggs over toast with butter. Then we had pretzel chips, chocolate coconut water and soy chips. Still hungry, we plotted what our next move would be. A quick trip to the mall to get Cinnabon? No, not this time, we should save that one for an emergency we said.

Which got me thinking…

“You know what? If there was an asteroid headed towards earth, and we were all going to die in 2 weeks…. I would just eat the shit out of everything noms on this planet and not give a flying fuck.”

Lauren laughed, and said, “Yes! Like all the really bad things, like McDonald Chicken Nuggets…. those are so good and so gross at the same time.”

I came back with, “And donuts, cream puffs, frosting out of the can with a spoon… no with shortbread cookies AS my spoon. mmm. And not just a sampling of each, but like A LOT of each.”

“Yes!” Lauren said, “Like how I say I could eat a dozen homemade cupcakes and you never believe me, except I COULD… and I would.”

“Everyone else would by crying and saying their goodbyes and we would be holed up in here with the blinds drawn eating.”

We talked about how we would easily ballon out, be in a state of bliss, and then accept our fates, happy, fat, and with deliciousness in our mouths. This is the stuff of dreams.

Tres leches cake, cinnamon rolls, whipped cream out of the can, oreos… BUT, we would have to mix in the savory too: fried chicken, steak fries, a 6 egg scramble? We would turn our dining room table into a big cheese platter and just scrape it off the the surface with ritz crackers – the butteriest of all. Yes.

And we wouldn’t give a shit because the asteroid is coming.

Lauren even freaked me out a little when she said “I almost wish it was happening!” Crazy girl, it all just sounded TOO GOOD. She figures it would be the best way to die. Plus since everyone on earth is going out at the same time, it wouldn’t be as sad. All of our loved ones, everyone we know, would all go together. No one left behind to mourn, and tons of delicious food to eat in the meantime.

I would probably eat lots of kit-kats, crunch bars, white chocolate, and sour patch kids. Mmm.

What would you eat if the world was going to end?

12 Comments

  1. Brie. Just baguette after baguette smothered in Brie. And duck fat fries. I would just clog the shit out of my arteries for two weeks and love every second of it.

    • I love this so much! hahaha Yes. Brie!

  2. Thick fresh bread smothered in fancy cheese and jam.

    Garlic mashed potatoes and fried chicken. Cornbread with butter and honey on the side.

    Cheesecake. Red velvet cupcakes.

    ALL THE FRENCH FRIES.

    Endless bowls of curry and pad thai.

    And I really hope this astroid heads our way during mango season.

    • HAhahahahahahha!!! This had us reading lines outloud and loling all over the living room! hahahahahahahaha

  3. I’ve always said that if I were going to die, my last meal would be all the things I can’t typically eat (lactose intolerant IBS sufferer here)… so cheese pizza, full-fat ice cream with chocolate candy sprinkled in. I’d add in some sushi because I like it. Buttery croissants with Nutella and milk chocolate. Chocolate milk!!! or hot cocoa. Things with buttercream icing that usually kill my digestive system (carrot cake and red velvet cake, especially).

    But. If the asteroid was going to take 2 weeks to come get me, I don’t want to spend one day eating and the next day sick, and on and on!

    So I’d probably just eat a ton of peanut-butter toast and coconut-milk ice cream. I’m boring that way.

  4. i agree with elissa- all the things i’m not typically allowed due to allergies etc. tho i wouldn’t mind abut the sick part as the world was gonna end anyway lol

  5. The better question might be what wouldn’t I eat.

    Brie and crusty bread. Really good blue cheese drizzled with honey and candied grapes. And then I’d need to try new cheeses, because WTF, if the world is ending it will be the end of NEW CHEESES TO EXPLORE.

    Roast beef with mashed potatoes and yorkshire pudding and SO MUCH GRAVY. Maybe I’d just eat the gravy by the spoonful.

    So much cream cheese spinach dip, with the fried pita chips.

    A whole whack of roasted vegetables topped in really good parmesan.

    Roast beets, all on their own.

    Really fresh salmon nigiri, and lots of it.

    Soy marinated scallops. Crab legs dipped and dripping with butter. As much other amazing seafood as I can get my hands on.

    Piles of oatmeal cookies, and lemon cake with buttercream icing. My mother in law’s banana bread.

    Chocolate chip cookie dough. And some really terrible ice cream to wash it all down.

    • I just drooled on my keyboard. Not joke. Like a dog.

  6. Raspberries. Lemon curd. Tzatziki. Good Argentinian beef (even if on a regular basis we try to be pseudo vegetarian and haven’t been eating meat for quite some months). Raisin bread, cake with white chocolate and strawberries, ALL THE ICE CREAM, french fries, dark chocolate, coconut ice cream with mango sauce and mint, mozzarella and tomato salad, Mexican street food (tacos al pastor, tlacoyos, crema de elote, rajas con crema…), avocados….

  7. Definitely peanut butter and chocolate spread on toast (am celiac so along with the toast my manage some pizza and some real beer) probably wouldn’t say no to tacos either…..lol, what a dangerous line of thought…..

  8. Lobster mashed potatoes. I had them at a restaurant one time, and I would just get a kiddie pool, fill it with mashed potatoes and stick my face in it.

  9. wendie’s spicy chicken nuggets by the dozen, all the creamy indian foods, doughnuts, lots of nachos, chikn ‘n a biskit (spelling?) crackers

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Who the hell is she?


Lauren

I am a writer living in Seattle and I believe that life is a grand adventure and only boring if you believe it to be. Plus! You don't need money to have fun.

I live with my husband, a photographer by education and a maker-of-video-games by trade, and a baby named gabe in an apartment on the hill.

I am romantic about most things and I cry... about almost anything. I tell stories to entertain you, I spread stories to keep you in the loop. I am not a grammar freak, but I do know how to spell it. I am exceedingly proud of my scrambled eggs and I really could eat an entire pan of cupcakes. If I met me, I would be my best friend. I tend to be irreverent.

If you would like to chat with me or see what else I'm up to you can follow me on Twitter (betterinrealife), on facebook, or email me at betterinrealife at gmail.


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