This is Kamel. He writes on Saturday. Yay!
Lauren was gone all week. She was up in… or down in… or sideways in Houston while I stayed here all by myself. Staying up until 2AM on average, waking up at 5AM and then oversleeping until 9AM. Working, then coming home to eat fish and rice, which I ate 3 days in a row. Playing video games all evening, watching movies, and running kamely type errands. The type Lauren really wants no part in, like buying new phones off craigslist, and then selling the old one to cover the cost or even make a profit.
On Wednesday I had to go up to the city to finalize a craigslist phone purchase. I had already bought the phone, sold mine and been happy for a week. I just needed the box and charger. Which were waiting for me in downtown San Francisco. The craziest place in the world.
As I usually do when I go downtown, I park in the 5th and Mission Parking Garage, and then walk to my final destination. And in these walks I always walk past crazy. Be it twitching crack heads who attempt to ask me for spare change, but end up sounding like this “ARG ERRR GRAAAR GUH GRRR HMMM.” Or Frank Chu, who I honestly believe is from another galaxy just as he claims. The man has figured out how this society really functions… he sells advertising to big companies on the back of his crazy sign. And this is not limited to the outside. I had to pee while downtown, so I do what I always do, and walk into a 5 star hotel and use their fancy lobby bathrooms (I’m NOT doing mall restrooms nor Starbucks downtown… I’m too bougie for that). But even there, I find crazy. Men going into the stall next to me, huffing anf puffing and making grunting noises as they unleash loud bowel movements. Ew. What’s worse is that afterwards, I see they are totally normal, successful looking businessmen who make enough monies to stay at the St Regis. Why are they so primal? (Lauren Edit: We will never know Kamel, we just won’t ever know…)
Anyway, I handled my phone transaction, walked back to my car and went along my merry way. But suddenly… I need gas. So I stop at the 4th Street gas station, right before the freeway entrance in SOMA: The scene for the craziest thing I have ever experience while living here.
As I pull in to get gas, this lady drives in from the exit and totally cuts me off, taking MY TURN! She pulls into the pump, and takes her sweet ass time getting out of her car as I quietly rage. Stuck behind her, with no other free pumps, I decide to just wait it out.
She gets out of her car, and I notice that she is really cute. Wearing an “anthropologie” type outfit, pretty face, nice hair, totally normal right? She looks at me looking at her and smiles, as I, little embarrassed, look quickly away. I look back and see she’s still smiling but now focused on prepping her pump for gas. Still totally normal.
She puts the pump in, and as she waits, she starts lifting her skirt up. Up, up, up until it’s right below her underwear. I couldn’t believe this. Was I going to get flashed? She knew I was looking, she had made eye contact with me and smiled just seconds earlier. She then stuck out her leg, and began moving her hands around. She wasn’t looking at me, she kept her focus on the gas price counter. Me being who I am, decided to take a picture because when I later told this story to Lauren, I wanted photographic evidence. (Lauren Edit: Truth. I def asked if he had taken a picture even before he admitted to it.) So I snap a picture with my cell phone. I worried she would notice, but she didn’t. She just kept doing this:
When she finished pumping gas, she lets go of the handle, but not her propped up skirt. She then moved her skirt up more, revealing her underwear!! (They were black) She leaves it up like this for a second or two and then drops her skirt back down, smiles to herself and starts putting the pump back. She grabbed her receipt, got into her car and drove away.
Did that just happen? Did I just get flashed by a girl in a gas station in SOMA? I really did.
This place is totally cray cray.