Last night I dreamed about moving. All night I was apartment hunting, and being disappointed by what I found. Either nothing was being sold in the neighborhoods we thought would have vacancies, or the homes available were more like tents or shacks and always shared with an old lady in her nightgown, smoking at the kitchen table. I don’t know why. It was a long night.
I tried to go back and find a fun blog from many moons ago to post today, but all of them just made me cringe. At this time in 2007 I don’t like what’s happening. I mean, what’s actually happening is ok. I’m getting ready to leave Seattle again and drive down the coast with Maris to move to San Francisco, a city I had never been to. But I also know everything that is about to happen, the shitty apartment, the angst, the loneliness. And reading about my cluelessness is oddly painful. I’m sure it will be the same 10 year from this day. But I don’t know, maybe not like this.
Do any of you have those specific spans of time you actively cringe over? I wish I could totally forget January to June 2007. I had gone from being totally on top of my game, to being desperate and sad and lost. It’s such a major shift I don’t want to ever relive it. When I re-read bits from that time I’m immediately back there, I’m drowning in the feelings of being back there. I am embarrassed and angry and compassionate all at the same time about those memories. I could do without them.
I’m having a weird morning. Every day this week I’ve wanted to just stay in bed the whole time. Hibernate. But off to work I go. This weekend is not a three day weekend for me, though if anyone needed three days off at home – it would most definitely be me. But! I’ll see you guys on Tuesday (Kamel may make an appearance on Saturday) with more stories and photos and lalala… let’s hope I’m not sprinting through airports carrying my shoes on Monday.