Work Harder

It’s frustrating to be the kind of person who is rarely satisfied with their career. I wish, so much, that I could find a nice job and show up every day and come home and have it be enough. I envy the people who have found it and who can rock that life.

I have never had a job that satisfied me. Not ever. And that is an exhausting feeling.

Yesterday at work I realized: This is not enough. And it crushed me with panic for a little while because I thought that I could get at least a year or two before this feeling set in. I really did.

And the only way to fix this dilemma? I have to work harder. There are some major, major projects that I want to focus on. They are so large they’re going to take more than just me to see them into completion. But to get to the place where that is even possibly means that I have to spend my time after work and on the weekends working for me. Again. It means I need to continue to have really great content here so that I can keep you all coming back and entice some new people to tag along. It means another redesign (happening shortly), it means spending not just my time, but my own money financing the roots of these major projects.

It means I can’t come home and lounge around anymore. It means I have to chase it again. Chase and hustle. And I really wish I didn’t have to. I wish it was easy. None of that, “It’s the challenge that’s exciting!” No. The challenge is hard and exhausting and beats you down and doesn’t care about you. The reward is not the challenge, the reward is being able to make something for myself and share it with a bunch of people, to do what I think I’m really good at (probably the only thing I’m really good at) and maybe have that be what I spend 8+ hours a day doing. Instead of other things.

Things are changing because they have to change, but a lot is also staying the same because we need the money, the stepping stones, the safety net. So, I’ll work harder and I’ll take the scrapes of rejection, and the late bed times, and having to say no to social activities in stride, because this whole thing I’ve got going on right now? It’s not working for me. And it’s up to me to change it.

18 thoughts on “Work Harder”

  1. Oh I know that feeling… career-wise.

    Anyway, know that I’m here cheering on you, and I am sure you will develop those projects and the hard work will pay off.

    Just know it is all worth it, and always remember who you are šŸ™‚

  2. Good luck with the major projects. And I’m right there with you on that not being satisfied with a career for any significant amount of time feeling. It can be so frustrating, but I’ve also found that it’s a great motivator to get me off my ass and do something about it. šŸ™‚

  3. Hi Lauren,
    I’ve been lurking about for a while and read this and had to emerge from the cyber-shadows to say, ‘dude, I hear you.’ Sometimes I think some of us just aren’t cut out for ‘regular jobs.’ And I guess we just should have fallen in love with rich people who will fund all our projects that fill us up but no one wants to pay us for. Since we didn’t, you’re right, we just have to work harder. Sigh.
    Good luck.

    1. Whenever somebody who doesn’t comment, comments … I feel like I’ve won the day!

      And yes, if only I could have been a kept woman, then ALL of my problems would be solved. šŸ˜‰

    2. Also de-lurking to say OMG – this! (Lauren, your post and the comment I’m replying to, both get an “OMG – this!”)

      I often fantasize about being a trust fund kid or marrying a rich guy because then I could go to culinary school for fun and work on being a published author (and then I tell myself — “Paige, you would have no time to do both of those things” and then I reply with “Stop spoiling my dream!”)

      I had a tiny taste of 8+ hours a day doing what I love during a recent stint of unemployment. I couldn’t 100% enjoy it because it was coupled with the stress of looking for a job/not having one, but what I did have was so sweet. I felt balanced and happy and like I was working towards something worthwhile for me. But then I got a job and now that stress of being unemployed is gone, but with it goes the time that I had to work on my writing. I’m making it work, but man is it tough.

      Anyway, hang in there, from someone else who knows how it is! šŸ™‚

      1. Thank you for de-lurking! And thanks for publicly joining the ranks of those who aren’t satisfied. The more of us there are, the more it doesn’t seem ungrateful or weird or selfish. (as my guilty conscience often tells me)

  4. Just wanted to say that I *totally feel ya* on that dissatisfaction. I have also never held a job that challenged me long enough to feel satisfied in a career-way. You are not alone. šŸ™‚ Good luck on these projects!

  5. I was so.so.so bored at my last job and now, holy crap, the work has not stopped. Pretty sure this isn’t what I want to do forever but I am embracing the go, go, go. For now.

    I’m mostly jealous that you know what you want to do, even if it’s going to be bear to get there. I still have no idea.

  6. Balance.

    We all need to have a balance in what we pursue, why we do it and how we will accomplish it. Effort, attention, passion, should be equally distributed in everything that is or could be important in your life.

    And always count with our love, help and support on whatever you need so that you can do something that you love!

    Kamel & Dora

  7. While I’m not nearly as career-type success driven as you, Lauren, I feel you on not being satisfied by the jobs I’ve held.

    I’ve had jobs that filled financial gaps in my life, jobs that filled social and emotional gaps (mostly in high school and university), jobs where the impact I had was fulfilling but the work itself was just so so (working for a charity, and I would take that back in a heartbeat if given the chance) but I have never had a jobs where I genuinely felt like the WORK I was doing was satisfying.

    Part of me thinks I may never find that job. I’ve been known to cry about not being cut out for the working world, and I hate the idea of giving a third of my life to something I don’t care about. The only reason I can handle it is having made the decision to cultivate other aspects of my life for happiness and fulfillment.

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