I fell off the good food wagon.
I can blame it on the traveling, the shit grocery runs, the thoughtless dinners, the exhaustion and the ease of ordering in or eating out. I can. But the truth is I just got lazy. And in a world that revolves around the big mac, the krispy creme, the taco bell, and the panda express, lazy is a dangerous game and a slippery slope.
This isn’t really a post about wanting to be a certain weight, weight gain, or body image. It’s about sanity and the way I feel on the inside. I think the biggest gift I’ve given myself in the last year and a half has been the ability to be a consistent weight. I yo-yo-ed for the majority of my 20s and late teens. Sometimes I would be up 20 lbs, sometimes down, back and forth the pendulum went. It’s really unhealthy to bounce around like that. It’s hard on your body, it often means you’re eating in strange ways (one time I gave up peanut butter for a few months, only to come home and binge on an entire box of cereal plus waffles, or eat so much of something that’s technically “good” for me that I would have stomach issues for days), and it’s hard on your self esteem. I carry a lot of guilt surrounding my body around with me everywhere I go. I talked about part of that guilt on Monday’s post.
Being a consistent weight means that I have a consistently active lifestyle, consistent eating habits, and am pretty confident that every morning I’ll be able to fit into my clothes. Being someone who woke up on several occasions suddenly unable to fit into that shirt or that skirt or that pair of pants… it’s a big deal to not have to be concerned about that anymore. The possibility still makes me anxious.
Remember when I started to add more veggies and fruits into my life? It was a pretty new experience for me. I had always grown up with salad at dinner and roasted squash in the fall, and green beans and asparagus as side dishes. But as a grown up, cooking on my own, I really had no clue what I was doing. But! We actually got really good at putting veggies as the focus in our meals. Kale Pizza, roasted beets for lunch, spaghetti squash with roasted green beans and broccoli, sweet potatoes and eggs, a myriad of roasted veggies and polenta, broccoli plus cheesy rice, Quinoa and caramelized onions, acorn squash stuffed with wild rice, tupperwares and tupperwares of chopped up honeydew and cantaloupe, apples, bananas (not for me, for kamel), blackberries, strawberries, and watermelon. But then I fell off the wagon. Because as much as I love the feeling of eating so well and feeling energized and NOT bloated and NOT craving sugar like a wacko and NOT having to say no to an extra helping… I will always prefer the taste of a bagel + full fat creamcheese and smothered with strawberry jam over any pile of roasted anything ever. And god I love donuts. And doesn’t an elephant ear sound so good right now? I could probably eat like 10 of them. Corndogs. Don’t even get me started.
Back on track – back on the good food. We started for realies to be thoughtful and fill our fridge with happy, healthy things last weekend and wow the difference is astonishing. I’m less exhausted, I feel so much less preoccupied with food (you know that nagging feeling in the back of your mind when you really want a muffin? And it just won’t shut up? Or when there’s free goodies in the office and you’re wrestling with yourself, “should I? shouldn’t I? Maybe just one?” etc etc on and on? (No? Just me?)). Well, when I’m eating well, with less salt and less bulk, I don’t have that nag anymore.
So anyways, I wanted to come clean and tell you that I’m not always the awesome food rockstar that I wish I was. That sometimes it’s so much easier not to be. And sometimes so satisfying not to be… while we’re being honest. But ultimately, it feels ridiculously good to be back on the healthy habits choo choo. I could really get on board with living forever… or there abouts.
*** In other news, I’m looking for some new slow cooker suggestions and some new fooding with flo suggestions. Now that I’m not flinging myself around the world so rapidly, I would really like some new cooking inspiration. What are you trying? What’s been successful? What are your easy trick that even a noob like me could succeed at? Help a sister out.