System Shut Down

Having  too much of a good thing is a real, honest to goodness, self inflicted disease. I am currently in the grips of it. I feel like a shell of myself. My depth of content is thin, and I mean that in the big picture way. Not just with what I’m writing, although, let’s be honest about that as well. All the output and input functions are on minimal energy flow. I’m going green, reserving resources.

I’m not as funny anymore. I know, you gasped. I’m coming to grips with it myself. I don’t have the capacity for humor. I have the capacity only for eating, writing, working, and sleeping. And doing the constant flow of laundry that I have to find time for during the week since my weekends have been reserved with a big sign reading: Fun Only, Goddamnit.

The Too Much Of A Good Thing disease is often brought on by my Inability To Say No problem. But the truth is: I don’t WANT to say no, I want to do ALL the things! I want to sign up for every class (Literally yesterday I asked Kamel if I could learn to play the drums. He laughed at me, not because I can’t, but because… REALLY? More things?), I want to go to all the events, all the get-togethers, and then! I want to invite and throw activities in order to keep my social balance. I want to invite you to dinner! I want to have you over for drinks, for a cheese party, I want to go with you to that thing, and we should totally go shopping, for lunch, to a movie. All of the above. Hell, let’s do it all twice!

Until I barf.

Or have mad vertigo at work.

Or drag my sorry ass home and demand to be put to bed at 7PM.

Or have a meltdown because I can’t decide what to watch on TV.

I’m like… a sad trial run of a rockstar. I’m not good at the rockstar life… my physical being is incapable of it. But I never remember this and sign up for it all! 28 hours in Seattle for Maris’s Bach party? YES! The next weekend flying to Vegas on Thursday after work, with a 6am flight leaving on Sunday? Sign me up! All the things! All the things!

System malfunction. Forced shut down. Incapable of catch up, an empty shell. In need of cuddles and someone to stroke my hair. The volunteer list is wide open.

In May I’ll be unavailable. Except for the wedding of the year, and some swiggity sweet hot air ballooning. But after that, I swear, I’ll nap.

(Until then, please forgive me for any late emails or late projects I haven’t returned to you. I promise, I’ll get there. I will.)

11 thoughts on “System Shut Down”

  1. I’ve totally been there. Luckily for me, it doesn’t tend to happen until AFTER all the goodness, but I SHUT. DOWN.

    And I have NO weekends off between now and Memorial Day. Que crashing.

    Sleeping through May sounds like a good plan. I may just do the same, in June. Oh God, June is so far off… ::cries::

  2. THIS IS TOTALLY ME.

    And sometimes it leads to fights. But my friends are so interesting! And there are so many fun things to do! And OMG, I haven’t seen you in forever! And there is a protest to go to too! And my favorite blogger is in town! Squee!!

    And then, I have a day like last Sunday, and hung out a home, made a nice breakfast and spent the afternoon cooking for the week. And this week has been awesome. Less stressful and I’m sleeping better. Heck, I got out of bed at 6am yesterday morning and went running. Who am I?

    I think wanting to do ALL the things is a good sign that’s you’re drinking up as much of life as possible. That can’t be bad.

  3. I know the feeling. Ohhhh boy do I know the feeling. Hugs Lauren. And if there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know, mkay?

  4. “I’m like… a sad trial run of a rockstar.”

    Um, ok, you can’t say you’re not fun, b/c this totally made me laugh.

    And GIRL. Yes. Totally feel it. I think most women are actually guilty of this. We’re GO GO GO GO until suddenly NO WE LITERALLY CANNOT GO ANYMORE.

  5. Lauren,
    Girl, you ARE funny. You never fail to make me laugh out loud- even when it’s a ‘serious’ post. If I were in the Bay I’d absolutely be a stand-in Claire: pet your hair, make you wear giant sunglasses as we got out for a walk in something totally trendy, but completely comfortable, and obviously we’d watch something horrendous and hilarous while drinking wine… or SoCo (with lime, duh). Keep your chin up- my schedule has been very similar. I love all the trips, and all the things, loving that I’m not getting upset about my diminishing bank account because who cares? I’m making memories, damn it! I can’t even tell you the last time I used my oven… or hung out for fun with Josh without being cranky because I’m exhausted from all the fun. BUT- life is full, wonderful, and I’ll sleep when I’m dead… right? Right?? Right.

    1. Stand-in permission fully granted 🙂

      ps: agreed with the entire above statement- you are funny! SO FUNNY! Even when you think you’re not. For reals. And I know this feeling – I want to do all the things – and sometimes I complain bc I am not doing more of the things – and then I realize “no, you have entire evening to do normal things like pluck your eyebrows and fold laundry and stare at yourself in the mirror or NAP, so take it!”. Its the balance of listening to ourselves, BOTH SIDES, the one that want to do everything and be everyones friend, and the one who wants to sleep or lay around or read or NOT do the dishes. The end!

      ps: spot on with the big sunglasses, get yours ready for my trip!

  6. Ummm just take it easy as soon as you can… and maybe…. if you need it, rest during the week even if laundry goes to the weekend, and this is going to sound weird, but to make the cleaning fun… we put music and dance all around and act silly, and then it is over faster and you can go on with the fun stuff.
    But I know those mornings where yu just want to sleep all day . That you just want to press stop on life and breath.

  7. ps: sometimes I really want to control alt delete my life and click task manager and “end now” to alllllll of them on my life – right!?

  8. I know many might see this as missing the whole point of the post but… TAKE DRUM LESSONS TAKE DRUM LESSONS TAKE DRUM LESSONS! Seriously, one of the most amazing things I’ve ever done.

    Also, I’ve taken a 6a flight out of Vegas. I wanted to die that entire day… but still enjoyed it and stayed awake until 8p!

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