It Flies, It Moves Like Molasses, It Never Ends, It Goes By Too Fast

This weekend I realized I will be 27 next month. Wait, no, I thought. That can’t be right. I just turned 26. What is going on with time? I asked Kamel, “What did we do between then and now?!” And he said, “You want me to make you a list?” Because yes, it’s been so much, but I’ll get to that on another day.

Time. I realize it’s only going to get worse, the herky-jerky back and forth. The odd slowmotion crawl paired with a fast forward speed I can’t anticipate or really explain. You have the 5 year plan and then the 2 year plan, and this year’s plans. This month’s schedule, this week’s timetable, today’s events. January was 1 year in a month, and February didn’t even happen… did it? The year I was 24 time stood still, it dragged, it went on into infinity. And then do I even remember being 25? I thought I would. I don’t think I do.

I don’t look back and think, “Where did it all go? All that time?” Because I was the one spending it, I have receipts. It went to school and friends and stressing over tests, over boys, over family. It went to fights with my favorite people, to making up with them, to fighting again in a constant cycle of being pissed off, then relieved they are still around. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about things, believing in things, worrying about things, planning things, making lists, and disregarding the lists completely. Going for walks. I’ve spent a lot of time walking.

We can count time, it’s measured down to the microsecond and probably even smaller than that, but who can tell? But we can’t measure the moments. For whatever reason the moments are above and beyond time. Time plods along but the moments stretch, or blip, or whiz by. They drag in agony, or trot along like they have all the time in the world. Moments have a beginning a middle and an end, even if the whole thing is just a … microsecond.

I am 26, soon to be 27.
I have been writing about hotels for 2 months, since Jan 2nd.
I have been writing stories since I was in 5th grade and I wrote about a woman who turned 40 and accepted her her lines and grey hairs for what they were: awesome.
I probably wrote before then, but I can’t remember. Time owns those stories.
I have been married for 8 months and 19 days.
It feels like 10 years.
My best friends have been there since I was 16. That actually is 10 years, and about to be 11.
I feel like I’ll always be 21 and simultaneously always be 80 years old.

Kamel told me recently (we talk quite often) that I am one of the most hard working, driven people he knows. I laughed at him and told him I could be working so much harder, doing so many other things if only I wasn’t so scattered or lazy or had more time. Time.

He said that’s what all the really hard working people say.

Our weirdo neighbor has an incredibly loud alarm that goes off at different times in the ungodly parts of the morning. Sometimes it’s terrible screechy jazz, and sometimes it’s even worse talk radio. He presses snooze. On Saturday’s this happens at 7:00 am. When this happens I always wish I had just a little more time.

17 thoughts on “It Flies, It Moves Like Molasses, It Never Ends, It Goes By Too Fast”

  1. Yes. Yes yes yes. Thinking about our wedding planning … it felt so long at times. The date-it-would-all-be-over stretched out for years … and yet we were past it in the blink of an eye. December and January all we could talk about was WHY IS WINTER SOOOOO LONG?! And then February flew and here we are, 2 weeks out of the first day of spring.

    When I visited last year I kept thinking of the extravagance of taking 10 days. 10 DAYS. What luxury! I’ll be able to do so much, and relax! And then, Suddenly it was the day before I left, and I felt like I’d had no time at all.

    Jon and I were talking yesterday about age. And it occured to me, I would never be 21 again, if I could. Not that 21 was a bad age … I worked and played and had a steady boyfriend. But it wasn’t remarkable. But I WOULD be 24 again. It was a great year, I felt my best, and the time flew.

    I think that’s what it is. Unremarkable, steady times drag. Exciting, fun, at-your-best times fly. God, I wish that could be reversed.

    1. YES! there are so many ages I would never ever be. A lot of people miss college, but I don’t. Sometimes I miss high school (even though I know this is rare), even with all of the angst. It just felt like such a solid time. The world will never be as clear and straightforward for me as it was when I was 17.

      1. Agreed! I actually had to go to a high school today, and I kind of wanted to trade places with those kids. In high school, I knew who I was and where I fit and what was next, all the time.

  2. yes!! I love this 🙂 time is weird. And really, who decided what A SECOND really is? That question REALLY has always bothered me. Because we measure all other time by seconds, but how do we measure seconds? Its trippy if we really think about it. So I wont 🙂

    ps: I feel the same way you do about time. I dont really think I’ll ever not feel like I’m 18 or 19.

    1. Yeah, I also feel like being… 24… maybe with more experience. With every birthday I do not feel different.
      And sometimes, moments, also seem to last so long, like you say they have a life of its own.

  3. My birthday is approaching too and our anniversary is this weekend. I started dating Chris at 19 and we’re about to toast to six years. What. the. eff. That’s a grade schooler.

    I was thinking about the small changes and how they add up to big changes. When I think about our relationship and how it’s changed, I usually think about the Big Things: new jobs, moving, what unemployment taught us, graduating from college. In reality, I think the smaller refinements are so much more reflective of how we’ve grown together. Yes, joint finances are a Deal, but managing and sharing our money in the day-to-day takes communication and trust.

    Time is a funny thing. I’ve tried to have the approach that it marches forward so they best thing to do is keep working. But, oh Lord, is that hard sometimes. The waiting is so much more agonizing than the having it. Having it moves so fast.

    1. That’s a really good point about the relationship growth/moments. Right before or right after we got married, Kamel and I had a chat, in our living room, on some afternoon, about how far we’ve come as a couple. How we have grown as a team and how the things we used to alllllways fight about don’t happen anymore, how each of us has given and taken a little bit and how we’ve done a really excellent job of figuring out how to do all of this life thing without stepping all over eachothers’ feet.

      The good stuff never really happens in a big BANG! It happens slowly over time in all the little moments. And they are so incredibly easy to miss.

      1. I’m more and more convinced that living room couch chats are the foundations of relationships. So many good things have happen while avoiding cleaning up the kitchen.

    2. lots and lots of great things happen when avoiding the the dishes – even for us singles – like Zumba via youtube (ahem, last night) 🙂

  4. I think this all the time. Where the eff did the time go? How is it already Wednesday/March/2012?

    Beautiful writing as always m’dear 🙂

    1. I adored that post and emailed her about it actually. hahaha. BUT! believe it or not, this post was not a response to hers, although looking back it is similar. She is one of my favorite people (who is also better in real life, believe it or not), so thank you!

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