I’m irritated about something that happened yesterday at work. And it may not come out all that articulate. I guess that’s also because it’s not just yesterday I’m frustrated with, I’m frustrated with always.
There is a guy at work who sits a little ways from me and he is in sales. Most of the office is in sales. Sales is all about the numbers (this isn’t just a cliche, this is a reality). Anyways, there is a certain amount of bullshit that needs to happen when you’re in sales. It’s the schmooze. I’m not very good at this. Insincerity makes me uncomfortable, I don’t know how to respond to people who are faking it.
This is a digression. So I overheard a conversation between this guy and another sales-y woman who is under his part of his team that he overseas, or something. He was sot of apologizing or making excuses for why he hasn’t been around to help the other sales people with stuff. He hasn’t been checking in. He’s been traveling a lot, his schedule is all willy nilly, he got sick. And as she was saying, “Oh yeah, totally!” She also slipped, “Plus planning a wedding!” And he was ultra quick, like lightening, in responding, “Well, no. That shouldn’t effect my performance at all. That has nothing to do with it.”
I mean, yes. He is planning a wedding. Or, he is getting married. He was talking about it earlier that day and I found myself wondering if he needed vendor info, because I have a little of that knowledge still stored away somewhere in the deep parts of my brain.
But here is my frustration. People ask him how his fiance is handling the wedding planning, they ask if she is stressed, they ask if she is super busy. He responds in massive nonchalance. I’m so over how the whole wide world puts the job of a wedding on a girl. I hate it so much. At first when we were planning our wedding, Kamel kind of didn’t get it. He didn’t see the big picture (But, to be honest, Kamel doesn’t always see the big picture), he didn’t see that the more we got done at the beginning, the less crazy-making we had at the end. He didn’t know all of the details. I made it clear very early on that I would not be planning a wedding by myself, there was no way. And he was always excited, so excited. He had opinions on everything, and yes, his opinions did matter to me.
So why does Mr. SalesMan have to so quickly deny his life while at work? Why does everything have to be kept so compartmentalized? And is it because he is a man? In sales of all things? Can he not let his guard down unless it’s about traveling for business or getting a cold? I just don’t like any of this. A wedding, a baby, a major life event is exciting! For everyone involved. They are all hard work but pretending like they aren’t on your mind just makes you look like an ass hole. The big events, they’re important. They take up our head space and they should. And the big life events shouldn’t be placed on ladies’ shoulders just because.
It should be more than ok for men to take responsibility in public for the stuff that happens at home. The things that are more important than numbers and sales. And more than just excitement, I want them to be held accountable. Weddings are not just about girls. They are about family, and becoming a partner, and about saying how much you care for someone in front of a big crowd of everyone you know, so that when you hate them so much you could scream because they are still leaving their dirty socks on the floor near the bed, you’ll remember what you said and how many witnesses there were and maybe you’ll stave off divorce for one more day.
And in general I’m tired of people playing it cool. Can we just try to be more honest about who we are, what tickles our fancy, what hurts our feelings, and the things that make life worth the work and struggle? And for the love of god… boys get married to. It’s not just a wedding for 1, so let’s stop pretending like it is.