When Kamel and I first got married I told my mom that Kamel is the guy who always says no when I’m saying yes. I meant it in a kind of self deprecating way, meaning Kamel was more of a grown up and I was the crazy spazz-face who wanted adventure! more more more!
But then there were times where Kamel saying, “no” wasn’t just smart thinking. It started to rain on my parade. It started to bum me out, and I realized that this had the potential to be the rest of my life. Had I really married someone who held me back from my wildest dreams. unless they were so well thought out and planned and financially doable that it’s 30 years from now and we’re finally thinking about, maybe making for sure plans? I’m not that person and I started to feel the ball and chain of marriage. Cement shoes keeping me so grounded I couldn’t enjoy the parts of life that have you floating.
Kamel loves no and I love yes. I love yes too much and he can get sucked into the no vortex. We were at each others’ throats. He doesn’t like to travel for the holidays, and I love the hustle and bustle. And then the big one – He told me I couldn’t travel somewhere at the spur of the moment. It was somewhere I’d been tons and tons of times, something I would have hopped on a plane for, with only a week’s notice, 2 years ago. It was somewhere I HAD flown off to on an impulse-buy just a year before. But then suddenly, I got the no. He wanted it one why and I wanted it the other. The thing was, I wouldn’t go without him, and he wouldn’t go.
When he gets mopey or stressed or bogged down by the details it deflates me. That attitude ruins my fun. The flip side is we would not be financially secure on the Lauren-Method. The Lauren-Method puts fun before savings every time (because life is short and sometimes it’s worth a little debt to have a big experience). We need Kamel’s spreadsheets and budgeting (which I HATE!) to have the things we want in the future, to have the wiggle room to shift careers and realize mistakes.
So how did we fix? Amidst tears and screaming and, “I am a grown up and I did not get married to hear NO all of the time!” and “We can’t do it! We just can’t! No no no no,” we found a compromise. Sigh. Always with the compromise, always with the journey to get there.
So for every no Kamel gets, I get a yes. And it started off with an, “Ok! You can say no to this, but next time we’re doing it my way!” But it’s turned into decisions we make together. I can see more now when something isn’t worth the expense, and Kamel can be excited about heading out with me on adventures.
And that’s how we got to Barcelona. Last weekend, after many conversations and airfare checks and talking and dreaming and figuring out if it’s actually doable – ahhh! We officially bought plane tickets to Spain!! And the best part? The best part wasn’t the end result of it all or the promise of a European adventure with my buddy-4-life, it was the fact that I didn’t have to fight for it. It was so incredibly mutual and Kamel was so crazy-person excited after we booked, he started telling random strangers we were going to Barcelona! I did a happy dance on the phone in Michigan and he did a happy dance on the phone in San Francisco. I get my excited Kamel and he got the ability to research and make sure we’re getting a good deal. A match made in travel heaven.
So here we are, 2012 is truly going to be the year of new things, new travel, leaping forward and at the same time, settling in.