Declaring War

The reason the blog is a little late this morning is because I had to rest after doing battle in the bedroom. I have the wounds to prove it. That sounds a lot sexier than it was, let me tell you.

In the wee hours of the morning, an intruder entered my sleep space. I could call him a leech, or a tiny vampire, or an evil cloud of disease and discomfort. But none of that would do it justice. I was suddenly bolted awake by the telltale squeeeeeeeeeeeee whine of a MOSQUITO!

And I’m making this dramatic because I really did SHOOT up in bed, smashing at my face and whipping my hair around. Kamel, next to me, cautiously called out, “Lauren…?” and I replied, “MOSQUITO!” So then we laid there with the lights on for a half hour, scanning the room for creatures resting on the walls… to no avail. The bite marks had already risen up on my arms and shoulders and the culprit was in hiding, probably celebrating its victory… the fucker. And I began to fantasize about my upcoming west nile virus, because I am a crazy person. So,  even though after awhile we turned off the lights again I, of course, couldn’t sleep due to my PTSD heebie jeebies.

And finally, when I did snuggle in and close my eyes, not 30 seconds went by before Kamel squeezed my hip and another squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee began floating around my head. MOSQUITO! And yes, I shot up in bed again, thwacking at my ear. Kamel grabbed the light and again, no MOSQUITO to be found. Fuck! But this time we had a secret weapon.

The flashlight.

A quick exploration of the space between the headboard and the bed sent Kamel shuddering, “uuuuggghhhhhh!” and scampering out of the room to grab a paper towel. “It’s a big one,” he said. I scooted to the other end of the bed with my pillow and watched the walls with my flashlight. By the time Kamel got back, the MOSQUITO had relocated somewhere else.

Finally, we found it on the wall and Kamel tried to tackle the intruder with the paper towel, but the dodgy bastard flew at him. Kamel swiped at the air (Oh the valiant Kamel) and believes he’s injured it. And so far, the MOSQUITO has yet to be seen again. But I’m skeptical that it’s dead… I think it’s just biding it’s little leech-y time until we are vulnerable in slumber and it can easily feast on us this evening. The war is on.

9 thoughts on “Declaring War”

  1. hahahahahahah you make me laugh so much!!! I see pieces of me and my husband in some of your stories hahahaha! Love to read all your blogging!!!!

  2. UGH! Mosquitoes….hate hate hate…..

    We get gnats upstairs sometimes. I have no idea how, but I’ll be in the bathroom and then I see the tiniest movement out of the corner of my eye and I can’t tell if it’s a gnat or if I’m just going CRAZY….

  3. That sound drives me nuts, but trying to sleep with the itchy bites is just as awful for me. I just recovered from a ton of bites on my feet and lost enough sleep from that. Hopefully tonight proves Kamel right and you get plenty of uninterrupted rest.

  4. Rooting for you guys! Turn on a fan, they hate the wind. If you are not able to kill it or them, let me know…I am a great mosquito hunter! Guaranteed results. Kisses.

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