Head Go Boom

Kamel is driving me totally nutso and this is not a post about how it’s ok that he’s driving me nuts because I love him so much and blahblah. No. He’s totally pissing me off and it’s time to tell you about it.

Guess what, Kamel? Emptying a box and throwing everything in that box on the floor is not called unpacking. It’s called making a giant mess for Lauren to continually walk over until she feels like her head is going to explode and she cleans it up for you.

After I spend 5 hours setting up the apartment, moving boxes by myself, lugging furniture, hanging millions of pieces of clothes, re-arranging, setting up the pantry, being thoughtful with where I put things, clearing surfaces and making sure to throw away trash… don’t come in behind me once you get home and start tossing things about willy-nilly. I will smother you in your sleep.

Filling the linen closet 1/2 way with your electronics misses the point. Linens and stuff (tempted to say “Linens N Things”) for the bathroom/bedroom go here. Boxes and haphazard bags of wires and god-knows-whats don’t. We are lucky enough to have other closets and bookshelves for that. Use them.

When I set aside clean clothes to fold the next day, don’t throw your dirty ones on top of that pile. We have places for dirty clothes to go, they look exactly like the things we used in the last apartment for dirty clothes – because they are exactly the same. And when you start walking in circles, telling me you don’t know where these dirty clothes hampers are and ohmygosh why can’t i just tell you?!! Think about where they were in the old place – because they are also in the exact same spot.

And! When I super nicely (which, granted, is a difficult tone for me to muster at this time) ask you not to throw your smelly shirts and socks ontop of the clothes I just washed, please don’t come back with, “well… look at all the SHOES you leave on the floor!” Since, you know… those shoes came from a box that you “emptied” and then left in a giant pile in the middle of the living room, because when you say that I will have a giant meltdown that you’ll spend the rest of the day trying to clean up.

It won’t be good for either of us.

46 thoughts on “Head Go Boom”

  1. Wait until he gets to “Well, I picked up all MY stuff.” You’ll be tempted to shoot him then and there.

    That one’s Jon’s favorite.

    Other than that, all I can offer is support. This type of thing is a constant battle in our house. (Especially closet space … I would like the hall closet NOT to be packed full, so that our guests have a place to hang coats … is that too much to ask?!) At least we have each other to bitch to, right?

  2. I cannot tell you how this makes me feel better about my own significant other. When unpacking the bathroom I found all our tools under the bathroom sink… as in, our powerdrill… WTH!?!? Don’t even get me started on the second bedroom. It’s not a freakin’ Josh-can-throw-whatever-the-hell-he-wants-in-it-room. Why do you do the things you do? Don’t you know I will be so angry with you that one day you’ll wake up and your man parts will be gone? GONE! I talked to my best friend the other day. She said, “I visualize my self physically attacked my SO. Somehow it makes me feel better…” I told Josh this and said, “I really like that idea… except I won’t visualize it. I will DO IT.”

  3. #1…Dirty clothes on top of clean clothes?! Biiiiiiiig no-no Kamel!
    #2…i think its hilarious that the shoes are in the same spot they were on sunday when we watched him take them out of the box-YOUR mystery box from the past that you didnt really care about but he-well we-wanted to know what was in there! LOL! You guys crack me up! Now go get a free coffee for “National Coffee Day”…and walk there in the fresh air…youll feel better šŸ™‚

  4. ahahahahaha hilarious. and i felt the rage coming on while reading it, so i can’t even imagine how you feel. Last night I caught myself leaning on the counter giving Alex’s dirty mug the stink eye until he realized what I was doing and put it in the dishwasher. Cause really? You will set your dirty mug on the counter directly ON TOP of the dishwasher that I have already unloaded, but you won’t open the damn door and put it in? GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  5. Oh, the rage. There is a bag of trash sitting NEXT to the front door that I asked Chris to take out on Tuesday. And then he has the gall (I swear, I’ve completely spoiled him and created a monster) to ask me to close the door “all the way” (read: an additional 3/4″) riiiiiiiiiight as I had gotten comfortable in bed last night.

    I think this why people hire professional house cleaners.

  6. I’m really new to your blog and this post has had me simultaneously laughing and feeling my anxiety levels creep up in recognition. Once I came home after a 13 hour shift working with teenagers in gangs, and my boyfriend said ‘I’ve done the laundry…for you’. Aaaaaaaaargh!
    Kudos for sharing rather than pretending everything is blogland brilliant all the time. Moving just sucks.
    Claire

    1. Oh yes. That’s one of my biggest pet peeves. Oh hey! Guess what! Cleaning the house, and keeping the small amount of things we own looking good is not FOR ME. You aren’t doing me a huge favor. It’s called being a grownup. Rawr!

    1. Snort.

      Himself’s favorite reply is, “yeah, I’ll do it now in a minute.” Which really means sometime between the next day and two weeks from then.

      It ain’t fun.

  7. i *really* relate to the “i can’t find the hamper, can’t you just tell me where it is” syndrome. i feel like such a jerk doing it but 9 times out of 10 i refuse to answer for at least 60 seconds WHILE HE LOOKS AROUND IN LOGICAL PLACES. this also applies to our joint Google calendar that I put in all of my activities. so this morning when he says “are you home right after work today?” i just stare at him blankly until he realizes he should JUST.CHECK.THE.CALENDAR.
    so, YEAH. I feel you. <3

  8. Hahahahaha, yes! These could be vignettes from our apartment over the past 8 weeks. I keep thinking it’ll get better, but somehow there’s STILL a pile of electronics waiting to put in their permanent home.

  9. There is a guitar in our linen closet. The linen closet is located in the bathroom. We also have motor oil and other car maintenance supplies in there. I feel your pain.

    And the “unpacking” boxes? Totally applies to wedding presents and associated clutter, too. Brad is also a fan of putting things away, but not washing the new things or even removing price tags. So, all of our new plates and glasses are put away–with tags and packing dust included.

    1. Where does that phrase even come from? Who airs dirty laundry? Why would anyone air dirty laundry? I understand airing clean laundry, but dirty laundry?

      *This has been another episode of Befuddling Phrases*

      1. This is because historically laundry was rarely washed (too much water and effort for this to happen more than twice a year). So instead, clothes were “aired” or hung out in fresh air to help reduce stench, at least somewhat. At least I’m fairly certain that’s the historical basis of that phrase.

    2. Maybe your laundry is awkward. I think that being real can be funny and I love it. Of course I love both Lauren and Kamel. Who wouldn’t?

  10. I have to side with Kamel a bit here. Moving is a horrible experience that turns rational normal people into raving psychopaths at the drop of a hat. If in two weeks when the moving dust has settled and he’s still ticking you off then you have a legit argument. Till then he gets a pass.

    To Kamel: I’ve vouched for you dude, don’t let me down!

    1. Rob, you are right that it puts everyone on tenterhooks. I’d like to add that it is possible that it simply doesn’t bother him as much as it bothers Lauren because he doesn’t see it as much.

      Lauren, an earlier suggestion to take a walk and get a coffee is probably a good suggestion. Do you know the neighborhood yet? Might be fun to scope out the joint. ^_^

      1. I will vouch for your last statement, because it almost happened to me. We bought a house. We moved. We hated each other. (We recovered.) (But not a moment too mother effing soon.)

        Needless to say, it’s a good thing we’ve got that mortgage, because I will not be moving ANYWHERE with THAT A-HOLE ever. again. =)

    1. Yeah…and im the only who leaves the dishes in the sink until i feel like putting them in the dishwasher at another hour..or the next day. Womp.

    1. BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

      And why, OH WHY are we carting them around from house to house – in the same bags and boxes they have always been in? WHY? Is it for the apocalypse? Is there going to be a wire shortage i’m not aware of?

      1. Hahahaha, well I have to admit that in our relationship, I am the one carting wires around from house to house. And my fiance actually made me get rid of most of them (probably a good idea), but I still kept some. You know, just in case. And they are in our coat closet. (We don’t have many closets.)

        To be fair, though, I’m also the one in our relationship who sets up the internet and fixes the printer and such. So I have an excuse for those wires!!!… right?

    2. HAHAHA! When we unpacked and settled into our first apartment together, I made the hubby sit down and help group and then label wires in ziplock bags. But yes – what is it with guys and their fucking wires?!

  11. Oh man. Roger takes his clothes off and leaves on the floor. Directly in front of the hamper. Oh my god, it makes me SO crazy. Can he seriously not be bothered to throw his clothes (literally) 3 inches further, into the hamper?

    Other than this, he is actually exceptionally neat and I try not to complain about it too hard because while I am on the internet or eating cheese in bed or lying around doing nothing, he is usually swiffer-ing the entire floor and washing all of our dishes and using cleaning supplies I never even knew existed, like Pledge and dust rags. On top of, you know, hanging all our pictures and buying plants to brighten the place and rearranging the furniture so we have enough room to walk and calling to get us internet/electricity/better lives.

    …Am I the Kamel in our relationship?

    1. Kamel does gobbs of things beside make messes and drive me up the fucking wall, for sure. But the little whirlwind of a tornado he’s been surrounding himself with recently needs to end or I may totally lose my shit.

      We’ve all been there about something or other. I’m here him whispering evil thoughts under his breath about me too. hahaha. Too bad he doesn’t have a blog. šŸ˜‰

  12. oh man, I could have written this EXACT post last July when the hubby and I were unpacking in our new place. Half-unpacking a box, placing some items away and others on the floor, and then half-unpacking another box, is NOT UNPACKING. I think our very first married fight was me flipping out about the pile of boxes that had not been flattened and removed in a week. So yes, love this post! šŸ™‚

  13. We hired movers who also did ALL THE PACKING for us and also the unpacking. It was the best money we ever spent and we would have ended up in the hugest fight ever had we not. I tend to be messier but once we got everything unpacked in our place I now try to keep everything neat. The nice thing about moving to a larger place is that you should in theory have more room to put things away? Also maybe spend this weekend trying to get everything sorted and then it is easier to keep it neat rather than trying to always summit a mountain of stuff that needs to be put away?

  14. Hahaha but really this is just the moving crazies, and I agree with Amanda C on going for coffee and exploring the nes neighborhood and into Christina’s magicland and ignoring the mess (at least for a few hours) and breath and then get back to it together.
    Don’t worry in a few short weeks everything will be nice and tidied up. And maybe you can declutter some more, if you find stuff that you don’t need.
    We also have a room that is filled with tools and paint and random tools that we don’t know where else to put, but as soon as it is closed I kind of forget it is there because I know someday we will get to it.

  15. Reading your post made me feel rage. We haven’t moved in ages but are contemplating a move next year. You may have talked me out of it šŸ˜‰
    I think the rage you feel is the same one I do when my husband hasn’t done the dishes (I cook, he washes up) for 3 days and I have no clean bench space to prep food on or clean pots to cook in!

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