I’m having one of those months where I’m feeling like a big fat failure. Ginormous. The size of the sun. And I’m feeling a little pushed around and pushed aside, to be honest. And you could say it’s me being overly sensitive or it’s me finally admitting that I’ve been letting things slide for a while. And it’s not even like one thing or one bully or one missed job opportunity or any of that easy and explainable stuff. It’s a collective feeling of being taken for granted, of not expecting more for myself and of myself. It’s feeling like I’m one of many instead of feeling unique and uniquely wanted and appreciated.
And I had this whole post below (and above, see that paragraph up there?) written and ready to roll for today, but then last night I got an email from Callie letting me know she was nominating me for a Leibster Blog Award because she thinks I’m awesome. I don’t actually qualify for it, but the post I wrote below (of which I’ve edited down and taken out much of the whine – feel spared) screamed that I needed it. So this appreciation came at the exact right moment and I am so incredibly grateful. And! I must mention, because I haven’t yet, that Amanda passed along the Versatile Blogger award my way as well. Which is pretty darn fabulous.
See, the thing is, I write into a void 99.9% of the time. I write stories that take a long time for even one person, besides me, to read, but I do my damndest to write them as best I can anyway. And with this blog – I write always with the hope that people will read it and enjoy it and that I’m actually saying something useful, new, meaningful, entertaining, blahblah, BUT! every time I push publish it’s a gamble. Is this one going to be a hit? Are people going to share it (oh please do), am I going to cause a controversy? Am I going to have angry comments when I check back? Or is someone going to write me an email that says they peed a little and had to close their office door because I had them laughing so hard? You’d think I’d know what the reactions were going to be, but they always surprise me.
So. I’m going to take a moment to wallow and say out loud that I think everyone on the internet is so way cooler than I am, that they are living their dreams in ways I have never been able to or will be able to, probably have more friends than I do, are way better traveled, or at least live in way more interesting places, probably sit around in their sweat pants (hint: right now) less than I do, and they probably have people – every day – who run around behind their backs talking about how awesome they are and wow, can you believe it – whoseitwhatsit is such a badass!
So there. Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and chug through, and other times you get to have a little whine over it all. Today is my whine day. You can have yours next week and then I’ll tell you how wrong you are because you’re obviously awesome, just look at all your accomplishments, duh.
And I want to thank Callie and Amanda for being chronic readers and being so incredibly thoughtful in letting me know they like what I’m doing. I’m telling you – the awesomeness of the internet continues to blow my mind. Thanks for turning my frown upside down this week. 🙂 Success.