Our apartment feels like my brain. A total disastrous mess.
There are wedding remnants scattered about, much like my brain, there’s honeymoon baggage and gifts we bought for people all willy nilly, and there is a complete inability to move forward with anything. I am overwhelmed to a stalemate. There is laundry piling up, there are to do lists that haven’t even been made, merely touched upon…. mentally…. there are even roles of bubble wrap splayed out across my living room floor into the entry way. And I can’t seem to muster the mental energy to pick them up and throw them away. Although, I do occasionally walk across them (on purpose) while on my way to the bathroom.
I want to talk about the wedding, but I’m not sure what to say yet. Overwhelmed is a good place to start since I’m already here. It was immense. So big, bigger than any one person, bigger even than the group of people there. I want to go back and sit in the moment, I want to go back and watch it all happen around me, swirling like a happy and sad and rushed and gigantic rush of water and air and emotion. I want to go back and see how it all happened because all I can think lately is how it needed to slow down. Slow, slow down. I want it all to slow down and let me breath. Let me stay in this moment for a little while and look around.
But I can’t do that because the moment passed. It’s gone, it happened and I’m grateful for that because in some parts it was too much, it swallowed me whole, I was obliterated. And then other parts pulled me through, washed me off and had me standing up, twirling around through the glorious, exhausting, overwhelming (here we are again) madness.
But I wish I could see how it all happened. I ask the ladies what they saw, what happened when I wasn’t looking, how were the reactions, tell me how it seemed, what was said, what you heard. And then compare it to what I remember, and then play back the memory again and again, re-feel what it felt like in the moment because the moment has gone an I don’t want to forget.
My apartment is like my brain, it is a mess.