I have to tell you something, and you’re going to think I’m totally nutso, but some things have happened and I can no longer pretend it isn’t there.
I’m getting old(er).
Look at it, out there in the world, just hanging there, like a shriveled sex organ. It’s awful. I also have to admit, that I really didn’t enjoy turning 26. I didn’t. 25 was nice, tucked right into the middle like that. I was safe at 25. At 26 I have to come clean about what’s really happening; I’m becoming a grown up and that means that I’m getting old.
How do I know this? Well. When I was 22 I discovered I needed glasses for distance. All the street signs looked like they had a film over them, nothing was as clear as it used to be. When I was tested in grade school, I had 15/20 vision. I could see the spin on a tennis ball… just like my mom used to be able to before her eyes went to shit. Before she got old. And then, at 24 I lost my glasses. I lost them! And you know what that is? Another sign that I’m losing my mind to age deterioration, that’s what that is.
So, about a year ago, I went to Costco (where you don’t need insurance) and got these sweet Converse man glasses. And then around my birthday (where I turned
26 old) I left them on a plane. I lost them, AGAIN. So I’ve been driving around the city blind for a few months. How scary is that? So, a week ago I went and had a real eye exam, in a very cute eye exam and glasses shop (where I nearly passed out during the exam and the poor doctor had to put a wet paper towel on the back of my neck and feed me chocolate squares while Kamel watched, thoroughly entertained) and got a pair of new, Kate Spade, glasses. Glasses, which Kamel has told me again and again, that I cannot, under NO circumstances LOSE, or else he’ll get me a chain that i have to wear around my neck at all times.
You know what else I got?! (And this I’m rather thrilled about since I have such issues with glare.) Prescription SUN GLASSES. So… ya know, when I’m at the pool on our honeymoon, I can see the pool boy with my drinks waaaaaay over on the other side, and I will know that soon, soon everything will be ok again.
See that? That’s authentic sun glass joy right there… seen in its natural habitat. (Right next to a window, at about 8:30 at night, in cloudy San Francisco.)
When I told Kamel it freaks me out to have to rely on glasses for things like seeing he didn’t really get it. He’s been wearing glasses for most of his life. For me, it’s age. It’s a piece of my body that is breaking and needs fixing, or “correction.” I used to be super stoked for glasses, they are indeed shoes for your face, but now I really do get freaked out when I can only read the second line from the top on eye exams. What the eff? I used to rock that shit. Sigh. 26. There’s not much I can do except look fabulous.