Have you ever had weekends that are full of one thing? Sometimes they are full of outdoor activities, dancing, coffee shops, errands, running into random friends from long ago. Sometimes my days off take on a world and theme of their own. My least favorite is when that theme is laundry. My most favorite is when that theme is anything else.
This weekend, we had the unfortunate theme of really awful food. Here is another question for you: Have you ever gone grocery shopping and then come home with nothing? Yet you’ve managed to spend 50 bucks. We do grocery shopping every other week. Otherwise, we would spend too much money every week and end up throwing out a lot of things. So, we force ourselves to eat the things we’re sick of that second week for the good of frugality. And that’s where this story starts. I don’t want to eat anything in my fridge. I don’t feel like cooking, and we’re also broke at the moment, so we don’t have a restaurant budget. But! On Friday, as we’re driving home (and having the same conversation we have every day about what we’ll eat for dinner) we pass a mexican restaurant that we’ve been to a couple of times. I’ve been unimpressed with it, but what the hell? It’s Friday! And we’re right here! And it means I don’t have to cook! Win!
The time we had gone there before, I had gotten a quesadilla and a margarita. The margarita I had to send back. Can you believe it?? It was pretty much a giant glass of tequila with salt and I couldn’t do it. This was dinner, not a frat party (ok, grandma) and I literally could not gag it down. The quesadilla’s cheese wasn’t melted all the way, subpar, but edible. This time we both got an enchilada, rice, no beans and a beer. The rice? Was pilaf. Pilaf?! At a mexican restaurant? Why? And the enchilada sauce was bland. Super bland, stupid even. And the chicken? Had bones in it. When I gave Kamel a bite, he yanked out two tiny bones from his mouth. Barf. “That’s it!” I said, “I’m never ever coming here again! Seriously. Never.” And I stopped eating.
On Sunday night I wanted Chinese food. Sigh. I wish this post got better, but it so so doesn’t. Chinese food. So! We went to a place we usually order from, but have never eaten at. The first thing that happened was I went to the bathroom. And the bathroom was SUPER gross. Which immediately made me worry about their kitchen. So, right from the start I’m creeped out. Then, after we had been seated, we were totally ignored. Like, I would try and smile at a waiter, letting them know we were ready to order, and nothing. They would look at me and keep walking. They would smile back and go into the kitchen, they would pass me to bring food to a group of people who just sat down. Kamel said, “Do you want to leave? We can just leave.” But damnit, I wanted my dinner! I was craving chinese. We should have just left.
Finally, I caught the eye of a waiter and he dashed into the kitchen, returning with a little bowl of salted nuts. “No, no…” I said, “we want to order.” So, Kamel orders steamed pork buns, and wonton soup. I ordered stir fried veggies and kung pao chicken. The waiter really didn’t speak much english so when the food came out, and the veggies we’re sitting on top of pink noodles and smelled… odd, I flagged down another waiter and asked what exactly we had ordered. It was not stir fried vegetables, this was confirmed. The kung pao chicken did not look like chicken. It looked like slices of squid. Kind of translucent and wavy on the edges. So, I tried to eat only the vegetables that came in the kung pao chicken, but even that started grossing me out. I tried one piece of chicken, but I really couldn’t tell if it was, indeed, chicken from the texture, so I stopped. I basically didn’t eat any of what I ordered, and usually when that happens I’m filled with guilt. But this time, I didn’t give a shit. There was no way in hell I was eating any more of that food. Of course Kamel totally enjoyed his meal. I sat there glaring at mine. By the time we left I had a massive stomach ache. I will never, ever, ever order food from them again.
I went home and had a frozen waffle. It was probably the best food I had had in 3 days. Next weekend can I pick a theme of sunshine and rainbows? Maybe having more money than I know what to do with? Or being struck by a creative lightening bolt making me a genius literati for 3 days. I think I’ve done my share of yuck food for the rest of the year, can we agree? Translucent chicken? Yeah.