We have a little over 2 months left until the wedding and the details are all coming along swimmingly. We’ve finished pre-cana (Wee!), the bridesmaids have their dresses, Kamel’s chosen a tux, the invites are being sent out this weekend, things are humming along. And I am super excited for how everything is turning out. That’s the good news.
The bad news is, nothing ever goes the way I think it will. Not that things have been messed up or we’ve had major disasters, just that every time I anticipate how a scenario will go, I’m wrong. Every time I start writing a new story, a new book, etc, I wish I could name it Great Expectations because that might be the best title in history, apply-able to all things, to all desires, to all let downs. You think something will go one way and it doesn’t. Womp.
With wedding planning it is no different. The items I believed would be easy, no conflict items, have turned out to be massively conflicted. The things that people are excessively worked up over are things I would have bet my life would have had no bearing on my wedding. The people who I thought would be easiest to include in the wedding, have, at times, turned out to be the most difficult. Everything turns on its head, and suddenly I am left a mess.
I think you get hints of this at the beginning of engagement. Whispers on the wind, if you will. But anything I thought was hard before this point was a cake walk. This is the time and space where The Event of it takes over, and the fact that this is an emotional experience, that this is a ceremony and celebration and not simply an extravagant party can get lost in the shuffle. The things that matter now, will not matter then. I know this, and yet… and yet.
I have to be honest and tell you that this is the most emotionally difficult thing I have ever gone through. Lately I have to remind myself all of the time that it will be worth it, that the awful parts will melt away and be forgotten in the coming months, that I can just get through these next two months and everything will be better for it, but it’s hard.
And that’s where I’m at right now. It is hard. There are tears, and crammed schedules, There is confusion and hurt and frustration and let down. There are all sorts of bad feelings and all kinds of waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. 2 months and 13 days and then we can move on from this.