Yesterday was intense for me. I held my breath almost all day. First hoping people would engage, and then later hoping that I didn’t scare away all my lovely readers. (Come back, please?)
Also yesterday I stared at the title of the post “Aliens” on and off as it popped up on my wordpress back end (bootylicous) and suddenly remembered – like a lightening bolt struck me in the forehead – that all Sunday night I kept dreaming about zombies. (Obvious leap from aliens to zombies, right?)
All. Night. Long. So many zombie attacks. I woke up 3 times and each time I fell back asleep they were waiting for me. We were being overrun, we were trying to find a suitable hiding place, we were beating them back. It was horrible and scary and I woke up with that icky bad dream feeling again and again. Finally, on the 3rd time waking up from the bad dream I told Kamel “I CAN’T STOP DREAMING ABOUT ZOMBIES!!” and he replied (in sleepy Kamel voice), “Just build a fortress,” as he rolled over and fell back asleep. So with all my might I tried my best to fall back asleep thinking of a zombie fortress where I could finally be safe.
And I totally built it, you guys… in my mind … It’s a giant tower made of cement and then covered in sheets of steel because zombies have super human pain thresholds since they’re dead, and can scale ridiculous buildings with their pinkies if they want to. Hence the steel. The steel sheets will make it slippery, and also impervious to bashings.
So I built my fortress and it still wasn’t 100% satisfying because my dream was still scary and yuck. And then the alarm went off. Gah. And when I woke up I was absolutely convinced that we needed to make plans for the impending zombie attack. It may not happen tomorrow, it may not happen in 10 years, but at some point, somewhere they will develop that virus that gives us all the rage and an insatiable appetite for brains.
Kamel, obviously, thought I was fucking crazy and refused to concoct a contingency plan, a real life contingency plan, in case the world was overrun. All morning I was adamant that we should take this seriously. and then it kind of morphed into my End of The World survival plan. Because in case the cities completely meltdown from disease and global warming and nuclear disasters, I was all for heading to the hills of Montana and camping out in nature (assuming nature still existed). So therefore, we should sign up for survival classes and possibly invest in some tent like structure.
Kamel didn’t like this idea. He said it is cold in Montana and we would die. So therefore, we should head south to where it is warm. This made me feel better because he was no longer mocking me, but, instead, I had lured him into the crazy of my own mind with the promise of adventure! So we decided that in case of the apocalypse, we will be heading down south, where it is warm, and living on the beach somewhere for the rest of our lives. Who’s with me?
As for the zombies, I think we’re fucked.